There’s nothing like a little self-congratulation for the ego, yes?

I’d rather pat myself on the back and maybe look like an egotistical jerk than to maybe get no praise at all. We recently took a look at the power of receiving—including compliments. That doesn’t mean we can’t give ourselves some props, too. In fact, it’s important for success-building.

Why? Because we’re creatures of habit. Success is a habit as is failure; and mediocrity—which is worse than failure. Mediocrity is this lukewarm thing where there’s not enough pain to make you want to move.

The more success, failure, or mediocrity you live in habitually, the more natural that process becomes for you. When your mind is comfortable and used to success, success becomes your path of least resistance. And success therefore becomes normal and automatic.

So how do you utilize this law in your favor? Simple: recognize and acknowledge your successes. Some people say, “Not focusing on my success keeps me striving.” I say it keeps you unrewarded, unhappy, and in a pattern of failure.

We all love to be recognized and rewarded for our good deeds, yes? Feeling significant is a basic human need. Most of us unfortunately have let some of the greatest successes of our entire lives just totally slide into oblivion, without ever really acknowledging or celebrating them in any way, shape, or form. It’s important that we keep our big successes in the forefront of our mind for references and to reinforce our confidence.

Isn’t it true that our mind will almost always pick out what’s “wrong” with us? In what we can’t or shouldn’t do? It hardly ever goes back to the great things that we did. So if you want to go out there and do something new like make a couple of million dollars in a certain amount of time, it’s going to seem scary because your mind isn’t going to go, ‘You’ve handled this before. Not a problem.’

That has to be a conscious thought that we force in there. Left by itself, something new or scary will make the mind go, ‘Hell, I don’t want to do this!’ So it’s important that we keep whatever successes we’ve had at the forefront of our mind. We want to ingrain them as best we can on a physical or emotional level so that they’re part of who we are.

Can you come up with three of the greatest successes of your life in any area, right now? If you can’t come up with three successes, you are way too hard on yourself. If you have trouble coming up with three successes, you won’t even look at anything good about yourself which means you won’t look at other good things about other people or anything.

They don’t have to be incredible. They just have to be big successes for you in the situation you were in. What have you overcome? It could be business. It could be relationships. It could be money! It could be from childhood. It could be sports. It could be anything. We want to hear from you!

I have a friend who struggles with weight. Her intention to lose the weight is honest and sincere; desire and action is not the issue. She goes to the gym regularly, participates in multiple softball leagues, and does constant reading on diet trends, trying anything that might work. But eventually, the diet falls by the wayside even if the activities don’t, hence her progress fluctuates.

When I asked what the motivation was for wanting to lose the weight it was, “I’m disgusted with myself.” Okay, sometimes pain can be an effective motivator, but how about something a little more … self-supportive? I don’t know … like looking forward to the day you go to the beach and show off? That sounds a little more compelling and positively motivating, doesn’t it?

Everyone’s motivation is going to be different no matter what the goal, but whatever that “why” is, it better be powerful. It’s got to be emotional. Hey, sometimes it might even be reacting in a moment of total freak-out, but whatever that trigger is, make it mean something to you! If you have a good enough reason, you’ll figure out a way how, won’t you?

I have another friend who quit smoking almost a year now, cold turkey. He had smoked for over 10 years. People, including me, were surprised and proud, all wondering how he did it. No patch. No gum. No electric fake cigarettes. He said it was easy—he looked in the mirror one day and saw a small lump on his neck, in a lymph area.

He then flashed forward to imaginary moments of telling his friends and family that he had cancer. He thought about what it would be like to put them through watching him disintegrate, maybe suffer. He thought about the pain, guilt, and helplessness of those who wouldn’t have the strength to deal with all of that.

That small lump turned out to be only a garden-variety in-grown hair, but it was enough. He broke his last cigarettes in half and that was that.

When you have a big enough reason, the “how to’s” come a lot more easily. You need clear and powerful reasons. It’s also going to allow you to be willing to do whatever it takes.

More importantly, your why has to be stronger than those non-supportive beliefs you’ve been working on. Like, “Rich people are greedy.” Well great! You don’t wanna be broke, but “rich people suck,” and your freaking rent’s due.

You have to have a strong purpose for pursuing money, or anything that really matters to you. If you have nothing behind it, where is there to go? You’re either growing or dying! You’re either going to it or away from it! Got it?

What was one of the biggest challenges or obstacles that you faced in your life, and what was the push that finally got you over that hump? Was it life or death? Absolute need for safety or survival? Would a less desirable outcome have negatively impacted someone you care about? It’ll be interesting to see how many people were motivated to act when someone else would be affected by our actions, our non-actions. We want to hear from you!

What kind of receiver are you? If you’re reading this, chances are you consider yourself a giver of sorts. You might even beat yourself up a little bit for thinking you don’t give enough. Then again, there are those who think they’re givers but really aren’t.

The point is we tend to focus on giving as “goodness”; of feeling good or intending good. But what kind of receiver are you? Do you take compliments bashfully? Do you say, “Aw, it was really nothing”? Do you tell them to stop teasing you, or that you weren’t fishing for a compliment?

One of the big reasons most people don’t reach their full potential, financially or otherwise, is that they are very, very poor receivers. ‘You’re not worthy’ because of the way you look, or what you do, or how much money you have, or don’t have.

You’re worthy because the Great Spirit, or Universe, or God, or whatever you want to call a higher power, has put you on the earth at this time. There’s nothing else to think about! Since you’re as worthy as the next person, you’re as deserving to receive as anyone else. Anything else that your mind says around that is made up, non-supportive crappola!

And then there’s that phrase that a lot of people heard when they were young, and we still hear it: “It’s better to give than to receive.” Of course it is, isn’t it?

I’m sorry, but let’s just call that what it is: bad math! If both have to be there for the other to exist, how on earth could one be better than the other? How is that possible? Somebody enlighten me please!

By the way, the original buysoma.net intention of that ‘better to give’ statement actually translates more correctly into ‘It’s better to be in a position to give than in a position where you need to receive’.

In other words it’s better to be rich! Some people will read that and get that little twinge of guilt—How can I so selfishly justify wanting to be rich? Fine, I understand, I was there too, so let’s try this from another angle.

How does it feel to give, especially when that person didn’t ask you for anything yet you knew they were in need? Most people say it feels great, yes? It’s especially the grateful receivers that make us feel even better about our giving, yes?

But if you’re not willing to receive, you’re ripping off those people from the other side of the equation who want to give. And we’re proving that both giving and receiving are great. Two birds with one stone. If you’re in a position to give, that’s wealth—whether it’s money, time or kindness.

So here’s your practice. No more returning compliments for a specific time! If someone gives you a compliment, you’re not allowed to give them a compliment at that time because it dishonors them (of course use your better judgment, but you get the point!).  Returning a compliment because you think you have to robs them of the full joy of giving you the compliment. And it robs you of receiving.

The key is to recognize that whether you’re “worthy” or not is a feeling, not a fact. It’s a story that you made up and now you own. Disown that! Receive with the same joy that you give.

With so much turmoil going on in the world today, sometimes it can seem too selfish to think about personal riches while so many struggle for basics. This is a feeling I experienced periodically throughout my life—that flip-flop between getting rich as an unqualified goal and wanting to get rid of it all and retreat to a temple or something, or otherwise reject the idea of staying rich.

I’ve made it and lost it. I went from being rich to ‘money is not the most important thing in life’ and ‘why would you put that much focus on it?’ Honestly, I used to think this was a curse. It’s like I had this split personality where one side was about being an entrepreneur and focusing on finances. But I had this other part of me that just wanted to be at the monastery, meditate and eat in silence.

It took me years to figure out that neither extreme was really me. Sometimes it takes success to understand success in itself is not enough. I had to win and lose, tune out and turn on in order to learn that when you reach your first big goal, joyousness, gratitude, and satisfaction don’t just automatically jump on for the ride.

There has to be an intention for these intangibles, and that means knowing what makes you joyous, grateful and satisfied—where money has nothing to do with it. The money only takes it to a whole other level. So discovering these things about yourself certainly does require asking yourself quality questions—or in my world, that and some soul searching.

There’s an eloquent balance between wealth and spirituality that I can now fully embrace, as should we all. For the spiritual-minded in a world of such disparity, consider yourself blessed to have an interest in that and in financial success. Be the fortunate one to put the two together and help other people know that they can be rich and spiritual too. You can be rich and a good person with intentions that consider others.

If spirituality doesn’t ring true for you, throw that out the window anyways. Both riches at any costs and “money doesn’t matter” are two extremes that simply don’t work. They didn’t work for me, and I can’t think of anyone I know who can survive either over the long haul. Intend to split the difference. Balance is beautiful.

Now I look at my duality as a blessing, thanking my stars for the successes and failures, those swings from hermit to world conqueror. You can have your goals, and when you achieve them acknowledge yourself and be thrilled, but there better be something else bringing you joy in your life, or you can end up psyching yourself out of success.

Bank riches without inner riches is a bank account waiting to see itself dwindle, because you’ll look for other ways to use that money to fill a hole that it can never fill—even if that means consciously or unconsciously getting rid of it.

Do you have any stories of having a bunch only to lose it willfully? What was it that finally made you realize the money wasn’t enough, and what did you do to get that sense of real satisfaction? What was the particular lesson you can share with the rest of the Millionaire Mind community? We want to hear from you!

What are we really doing when we “put all our cards on the table?” What cards? What table?

There was a fad not so long ago … maybe it’s still going on today … but Texas Hold ‘Em Poker was the rage. Who knew the difference between a “River” and a “Flop” before about 2003?

In Poker there’s predictably a point in the game where you’re holding what you think is a killer hand. You might have to “up the ante” because somebody else is thinking the same thing, then those who haven’t folded put their cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may.

The expressions that come from card games serve as reminders on strategy, guessing, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” when not to push your luck and when to say, “What the hell, I’m all in!”  Going after those things that we want means taking risks without really knowing how the game will turn out.

But seriously, there’s nothing worse than playing a game of poker, getting a great hand, then upping the ante only to find out somebody else has an Ace to your King, or a Straight Flush to your Full House. But will a big loss be enough to keep you from throwing your cards on the table again? I mean a real kind of loss, like an investment gone sour or a business that took a big hit in the recession?

Your cards are going to change from game to game, as will the amount of chips you win and lose. But when we’re talking about laying our cards on the table, we gotta think about that table too.

If you’re playing on a three-legged table, well … you may still win from time to time, but ultimately that table isn’t gonna hold up over the long run, yes or yes? Your table’s got to be as strong as the cards you’re holding.

Play your cards if that’s what makes sense, but you have to be playing from a strong foundation to begin with—your table has to be sturdy enough to support a great hand to play when its time to play it. That support comes from the belief you have in yourself as well as your ability to play your cards to maximum effect. Those beliefs end up being the table’s legs, as my good friend Tony Robbins used in a metaphor. The more support you have in your legs, the stronger the table. In other words, start the game with self-supporting beliefs.

We can develop beliefs around anything if we find enough references to support it, yes? If we’re talking about financial success, you have to believe that you can or deserve to be a financial success. You have to visualize being there, like you belong there. The roots of our beliefs go deep.

What do the legs of your table look like right about now? What support can you honestly give yourself that—no matter what cards you happen to be holding at the time—you can lay them out with pride and confidence that you actually stand a chance of winning? Is one of your legs ‘persistence,’ or ‘willing to try new things’; or creativity, leadership, influencing? Whatever these legs are, they need to be true for you, and only you know that. If you don’t, asked trusted loved ones for support—then stand up!

You have to know when to hold ‘em, fold ‘em, go for it and call it a day, but know what legs you’re standing on, too.

If you’ve ever related to another human being, you’ve probably experienced this.

You’re having a discussion with someone, and he or she says something you know as a matter of fact to be absolutely false. You can politely challenge this person’s inaccuracy, but most people don’t want to be wrong, and many others have a hard time admitting it. It’s human nature, our inner-fear mechanism adapted to today’s insecurities rather than the old “fight or flight” days. But depending on who you’re talking to, proving to somebody that they are wrong can get awkward if the people involved take it too personally.

Even when all evidence points to them being wrong, some people will stubbornly hang on to their views because they’d rather be right and comfortable in being wrong rather than risk the discomfort of having to assimilate new information into their worldview.

As a matter of fact, the people who are the most righteous are usually the most miserable people on this earth anyway, aren’t they? The ones who always have to be right are usually just taking their insecurities and unhappiness out on others, yes or yes?

Being right doesn’t always mean being happy, but if we’re happy it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong. Being right isn’t as important a consideration when you’re secure and focused. The only thing that’s important is: will the experience move me toward a result that I believe will support my happiness? That will mean being wrong sometimes, but we have to experience this in order to learn how to get it right, and then get happier.

Be right or be happy. Now replace the word “rich” with “happy.” Does that change the meaning of the phrase any? Not one bit! You can be right or you can be rich; it’s still a choice. Being right could mean holding on to old ways that aren’t supportive of being rich; unconscious blueprints, programming and conditioning that links negative thoughts to money. The more you decide that you want to be right, the more you’ve decided that you can pretty well kiss away being rich, not just financially but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally too. You can be right or you can be rich.

Money is a really blessed thing, and if you have the where-with-all to be able to earn or have a lot of it, you have an advantage over a situation; a gift, talent, skill or way of being that is actually a little different than most people out there. At that point, who needs to be right?!? The quality of your life is all the proof you need.

That doesn’t mean compromising your good sense to someone because of their inflexibility, but happy people don’t need to prove anything. They figured out that along the way, you have to be wrong at least occasionally in order to learn how to get it right. I’d rather be wrong and learn something that will benefit me later than “right” and learn nothing—and maybe get someone PO’d at me for being a smart-ass!

Do you have any stories of something that seemed like a disaster but actually turned out to be one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever received? An occasion where you were actually glad that you were wrong? We want to hear from you!

Conditioning, conditioning, conditioning. It’s not just a mantra for athletes. To have a Millionaire Mind, we must train for a marathon—for the distance of our lives — not just a short race to a million. It’s not something to train for occasionally. It’s something we must consistently live and breathe, yes?

Even if we’re not always at peak level—there will be times when we’re not—there’s something that’s motivating us, something that’s fueling us. What we’re fueling up with will determine whether or not we go the distance.

The juice that fuels us is our motivations—why we’re doing what we do. And there’s really only two ways to go here. You’re either doing what you do based on a positive energy juice or negative energy. Both can be extremely effective. Both can get you far, but the difference in the end: are you going to arrive where you intended to go, and what kind of condition are you going to be in when you get there?

People who run on negative energy juice do things like make pretty decent amount money but get rid of it because it was angry energy that got them there; they were rebelling against something, or someone (usually a parent). Except when they get rid of it now they’re BROKE and angry! They got rid of the wrong one.

Others are so fearful that there will never be enough money—or they will never be enough—that the insecurity shifts their focus away from the other areas of life. Their insecurity erodes their physical, mental, and emotional condition.

Fear can be useful when it comes to getting our butts in gear when we know we have to get it done. But when we’re acting on imaginary pain—pain based on negative conditioning that fuels negative motivations—that kind of fear acts more like an obstacle to our happiness rather than an efficient fuel source.

How about these for motivations: joy and purpose! Loving what you do! Contributing to something beyond yourself and the money is the result. Good or good?

If you’re not juiced by joy and purpose, it ain’t gonna work, not for the distance anyway. You can get short burst of success based on anger or fear, but these create stress. You might win the game financially for a short period of time, but you won’t be rich on a spiritual, emotional and mental level.

You cannot have enough money to not be angry anymore. No amount of money will lessen fear because fear is the habitual fuel and money is the prop. You can never alleviate the fear with more money or more of anything. What you have to alleviate is the fear itself. Change your fuel! We want money and happiness. The only way that can happen is if you’re running on supportive juice, not fuel that’s going to lead to a crash and burn.

If you’re going to make money, come up with a couple of motivations that are supportive. There’s always family, obligation, more toys or material things—but what are some motivations that really touch the core of our greatest joys in life? What are some different types of juice that relate to happiness beyond “I have to do this” or material comforts? We want to hear from you!

So … how’s your mental health these days?

There’s so much going on in the world—things certainly aren’t boring, that’s for sure! Signs of change are apparent, from cautious optimism on the economic front to political shifts around the world. While some respond to change with excitement and hope, others can see the same events with fear and apprehension, responding much differently.

I like the example of the twins abused by their father in childhood. One becomes abusive toward her own family later in life, while the other expresses the love and caring with her future family absent from her experience. Both ask, “How else would I be?” And both are right.

There are more than enough reasons to choose non-supportive responses to life’s shocks and tribulations, but we’ve still got to keep our inner game tight if we want to be happy and successful—regardless of what happened decades ago or last night—so let’s do some more mental check-ups, yes?

We’ve got to keep an eye on negative conditioning that takes hold and steers us away from what we want. We’re not going to let non-supportive conditioning take root, or we’re going to begin the process of uprooting that negativity.

In the example of the twins, very few if any people would knowingly choose to participate in abusive and unhappy relationships, yet that’s what shows up for the one that linked love with conflict rather than affection.

So now what happens? The twin that links love with abuse gets angrier, no matter who the relationship is with—the angrier she gets, the closer she comes to a point in her life where she’s sick and tired of being angry. Finally she says, ‘I just want to be happy and peaceful.’ She asks the same mind that created the link between love and abuse what to do.

Not knowing anything else but conflict, that same mind says, “If you want to get rid of the anger you’re going to have to get rid of the love,” and so she does, subconsciously. She sabotages herself or just takes herself out of the game completely.

By the way … the same goes for money, yes or yes? People with negative associations to money—who still make a lot of it anyway—manage to give it away, make bad investments or they have a divorce. Or people just don’t make it at all. Whatever the non-supportive associations, it usually comes down to an issue of awareness—knowing that these things are going on. And this goes for everything, not just money or love.

So what’s your condition? Stable? Critical? Are those roots supportive or non-supportive toward your success-building? Are they deep or are they shallow?
It takes conscious effort to uncover the different types of conditioning we undergo—from family roots, to school, church, and media, culture— the list goes on and on. It’s nothing that can truly be grasped and appreciated in just a few blogs.

However, take advantage of a community of like-minded people. Share your thoughts on the different ways we’re conditioned, the subtle yet profound ways this conditioning impacts us, and some ways you “debug” those programs—whether from Million Mind seminars or some tactics you’ve picked up along the way. We want to hear from you!

I believe we are spiritual beings living physical lives, and to make the most of this life we have to take care of, nurture, and more importantly listen to the clues that spirit gives us, mostly through gut intuition and feelings we have.

At some point, though, we have to honor the physical side of our lives as well, and that means taking action. To hell if conditions aren’t perfect, or if this circumstance isn’t quite ideal or that person isn’t following through the way they said they would. We’ve got to take all these spiritual principles and put them into action.

That’s exactly where a lot of people get stuck, even those with greater awareness and knowledge. You know you want to work out, need to get into better shape for the sake of generating more energy to work your mission. But what step is often the hardest to take? That first one.

Depending how long you had been in your last cycle, getting the ball rolling can feel like pushing a boulder uphill, metaphorically speaking. You need to build the next muscle and final spiritual muscle that separates the successful from those still waiting at the gate: momentum.

Momentum is that force that makes it easier for someone who’s successful to do what’s right than to do what’s wrong. Momentum is that process of getting that snowball moving. The hardest part about working out is getting to the gym.  Once you get there, it’s not that hard to do.

When you’re in motion, that’s when things begin to line up, not before (that goes for you perfectionist!). When in doubt, act. What did everyone else tell you? When in doubt, stop and think about it. No! That’s why I say thinking is dangerous to your wealth!

Most people who I know that got rich didn’t think too much. They saw a piece of property: ‘This looks good. Anything structurally wrong? Environmentally? No? Good, I’ll buy it.’ Twenty years later they’re very rich. They really planned that one out, huh?

Just as an aside, if you’re really “smart,” chances are you’re not going to be really rich. You’re going to get in your way, a real momentum killer. Those who aren’t too “smart” are open to knowing (A) They don’t know everything the need to know to be rich (B) Will learn how to be rich, even if it temporarily hurt’s their pride to know exactly how far off they were to begin with.

A body in motion will remain in motion and a body at rest will remain at rest. What do we want to do? Get into motion! Once you’re there, it gets easier. We already know that. Now we gotta just do it.

What in your life do you just need to get started and adjust as you go? What have you been waiting for? What’s the fear? Is that true or did you just make it up?

You will make it. Trust yourself. Love yourself and know that you make it all up. It’s your freaking story!

Now we want to hear from you! What are some positive momentum-changers that have worked for you?

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When you’re my age and you bring up entertainers who have been doing their thing for decades, you run the risk of dating yourself. But I think it’s safe to say even younger people are familiar with the late comedian George Carlin. He and a Pacifica radio station single-handedly changed Federal Communication Commission policies by letting us know what the seven filthiest words are in the English language.

There is no beating the comic genius of Carlin, but I can take a different track and offer some of the best words we can use to communicate powerfully and effectively, especially when you’re trying to influence someone positively.

These are things that we sort of already know intuitively: when engaging in conversation with friends or strangers alike, you want them to feel like you know where they’re coming from, even if you disagree with them. You want them to feel understood.

Hence, two of the four best words we can use when communicating: I understand.

If you can get into the habit of responding to every communication with the first two words being ‘I understand,’ generally you will disarm 80% of any negative or resistant energy right there and then. Even if you don’t understand, you say, “Can you clarify that for me just a little bit more?” It’s all about listening, yes? Make them feel heard and understood. Once you’re past that stage, work on the convincing part next.

What else have we instinctively learned about what to say? Well, what don’t you want to say after you’ve repeated back what the other person said yet you don’t agree with it? The dreaded ‘but.’ What usually happens when you say, “Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but …” You know. The other person gets that impatient or irritated look, like you just negated everything they were talking about even though you almost had them convinced that you knew where they were coming from.

The answer is as simple as replacing ‘but’ with ‘and.’ “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, and here’s something else I was thinking about in addition to that.” It’s as easy as that.

Now what’s that last ‘nice’ word? It’s something that helps us identify with others while still also distinguishing our point of view, without making the other person feel like they’re being distinguished away from you. So instead of saying, “You have a ways to go,” you say ‘we.’

“You know, sometimes we as people have a tendency to make snap judgments even though we don’t have all the facts just yet.” That’s a nice way of telling someone they’re being short-sighted or pig-headed without making them feel bad about it. That’s a great tool in leadership or for anyone who displays openness to being educated.

The beauty of this exercise is that you don’t have to take mine or anyone’s word for it. Experiment with these four words consciously for the next week or so. Notice any differences in how people in your life react to you? Are you able to bring your perspective to others more effectively, or outright convince other people toward your point of view? Can’t wait to hear how it goes for you!