It’s saddening to see many of my students’ struggle with loved ones while they themselves experience transformation and joy as a result of our courses or coaching. Everyone’s on their own journey, it’s just still hard to watch.

So many people have partners that are not on the same path when it comes to learning, growing, goals, intentions, etc., and especially personal development. It’s very tough. This is a huge challenge for many.

One of the things I say to people about our courses and programs is, “I know for an absolute 1,000% fact that we can change your life. Let us teach you, do what we teach, and it’ll work.”

What I can’t control is your environment and who’s around you; the people that are trying to drag you back down from what we build. It’s a very hard problem for us in our business. It’s like we’re throwing you the life preserver and pulling you in, but there’s a crocodile that keeps on trying to pull you down underneath the water.

Remember, environment is stronger than willpower.

It’s easy for a person that’s not doing what you’re doing–and who sees some change in you–to try to bring you back down to their level so that they don’t feel bad about themselves being lower. Instead of being happy for you, they’re thinking, “It’s easier to bring you back down to my level than for me to try to get up to yours.”

“You know what you’re doing is really useless. I don’t know what those courses are all about. That doesn’t work anyway. What are you trying to do, ruin our relationship? Who do you think you are anyhow? Who do you think you’re going to be, the next Rockefeller?”

They’ve got all these ways of trying to diss you, criticize you and demonize you. All that is one word—fear.

It’s fear that they’re going to lose you; fear that they’re not good enough anymore; and fear that they don’t feel good about themselves anymore in comparison to you.

I used to have one student, believe it or not, whose husband got ill every time there happened to be a course coming up. It was unbelievable. After three courses, I said, “This is an old story. What’s with your husband?” She said, “I don’t know. He just happens to be ill.”

I advised her to confront him. She did, telling him that she didn’t believe for a moment that he was doing this intentionally, and she was right. He didn’t know why either.

The fourth time, guess what happened? He got sick again, she hired someone to come over and stay with him, and she came to the course. Lo and behold, he never got sick again. It was all subconscious.

The bottom line is to not let yourself be taken down. How do you do that?

First, do not argue with them. Just say, “Okay. I understand your point. Thank you for sharing that,” and then just keep going. Keep participating in programs and keep doing what you’re doing.

Second, invite them, but don’t pressure them. Invite them in a way that makes them want to come. Don’t convince them.

Offer or ask for it as a birthday present! “I want–for my birthday–for you and I to go to a training together. Would you do that for me?” They’re not going to say no whether you offer it as a present or ask for it as a present. Works as fantastic gifts for kids too!

Your loved ones will be doing it for you. They’re not even thinking about what they’re going to learn. They’re just going to negate that, but then when they get there, they might resonate with it.

Or maybe not, but there’s always a shot.

The point is this kind of conflict comes up all the time among my students. It can become a tremendous source of anxiety and tension, especially if the relationship is already tense (quite often around … you guessed it, money!).

No one wants to have to consider hurting or risking isolation from their love ones, especially when we know we have to keep on pursuing our growth no matter what. With these two simple tools in mind, you don’t have to.

Share your journey with your loved ones and prosper together!

This story is all too familiar. Give us yours. We want to hear from you!

How many people do you know want to write a book?

Seems like that’s a fairly common dream for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. Now consider: how many of those same people actually finish what they start?

This is a very common thing, whether we’re talking about writing a book or the businesses you were going to start; any of the things you’ve said that you’re going to get involved in. There’s all this passion at one point, then after a bit of time that passion tends to fizzle out.

We can talk about procrastination. We can talk about commitment. We can talk about taking bite-sized, manageable steps towards a goal. We can talk and talk and talk about these things, but that’s not the big problem.

At the heart of this problem is doubt. Almost everybody doing anything feels the same way. They say, “I’m starting a new business. I wonder if it’s going to work. What if nobody wants it? I’ve spent so much time and money. I really hope this works out.”

So what do you do?

First, you feel the fear and do it anyway. Act in spite of doubt and anxiety. You get on out there and you start to write, or develop your idea, or sign up for courses if you need information to grow and improve. You say, “I’m not going to let this take me out. I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to enjoy it the best I can.”

But second and most importantly, you detach from your intended outcome.

What?! What the hell are you talking about, Harv? How do we meet our goals and stay on track without being attached to what actually happens?

Let me try to explain this through a story…actually it’s a yearly event that takes place out here in the desert near Reno called Burning Man, where about 65,000 to 70,000 people from all walks of life come together in their own kind of alternative community.

The most interesting thing about it all, though, is that they do a lot of spectacular artwork. Huge pieces; things that are 30 or 40 feet high. People have worked on these pieces for a full year. I’m talking pieces that could probably be sold for $5 million, easily.

Do you know what they do with it all at the end of the event? They burn it!

Why? Because it’s not about the result. It’s about the process of loving what you do. You enjoy the process of creating the art and then allow it to be enjoyed for the time it was meant to be enjoyed.

They burn it to basically make certain that they’re not attached to any outcomes or any results from it in the future. It was only the process they were interested in. It was the beauty and creativity of painting, creating or doing.

If we were not attached to our outcomes, there would be no fear, period. You’re only fearful that you’re not going to have your desired outcome. What if there was no outcome to have? What would you be afraid of? Nothing.

You can have an intention to create $1 million this year, but you don’t have to be attached to it. “But don’t you have to commit to it?” Yes, of course, but it doesn’t mean you have to be attached.

Commitment and attachment are different. Attachment is an emotional element. Commitment is a process.

I want you to create an intention and have a vision for your life, but I don’t want you to be attached to anything because attachment creates suffering. Buddha said it, and everyone who has quoted Buddha talks about it:

“The number one cause of my suffering is believing that I have to get what I want in order to be happy.”

Read that again…“The number one cause of my suffering is believing that I have to get what I want in order to be happy.”

True or true?

Here’s the problem. If you have to get what you want in order to be happy, there’s going to be a lot of times you don’t get exactly what you want. You’ll always be suffering.

Many people don’t finish what they start simply because they’re too attached to the outcome. By all means do what you have to do to reach your goals, but enjoy the process more than worry about whether or not you’re going to reach them. Let go of that attachment.

You don’t have to be attached to your intentions, results or commitments. You don’t have to be attached to anything. Watch how much happier and successful you become.

Your conditioned mind is there for one reason and one reason only. To help you survive and keep you alive. It’s not there to make you happy or successful. For some reason its primary goal in life is to make you dissatisfied.

Your mind is like an inner child. When you ignore it, just like a little kid, it will start to pull on you even harder. And if you continue to ignore, the kid will lash out, it will cry and it will do whatever it can to get your attention.

That’s exactly what happens with your mind.

It just goes on and on with its endless chatter about how crappy this is, or awful that is, or how dare so and so do this to me, how could they, I can’t believe this is happening, what am I going to do?

So what do you do?

How can you silence your mind once and for all and end the chatter in your head?

Well…there are two steps.

The first step is becoming AWARE that it is not you. It is your conditioned mind.

Any time you experience a negative thought, it’s your conditioned fear-based mind talking, not your enlightened self.

The first stage is to identify it, observe it, listen, notice it and say, “Here you are. Thank you for sharing.” You don’t ignore it or neglect it, but you don’t let it take over either.

Once you identify it, a way to turn it around is to handle it as if it’s a friend of yours who wants to be reassured.

“I understand that you have concerns. I understand that you’re worried. I want you to know that we will get through this. We will make it. Take it easy. Give me a chance to do this.”

These positive reinforcements change the neurological pathways in your brain, so that when a negative thought comes up, it replaces it with a positive automatically.

Step two is harder. In the highest level of personal development, it’s not about saying anything positive to your mind, it’s about coming back to the present where there is no mind.

When you’re being positive with your mind, you are still entertaining it. Any conversation you actually have with your mind is eventually going to be a losing conversation because you have activated the part of you that’s going to make sure you’re dissatisfied. Having that conversation with yourself means you can’t be present.

Of all the spiritual practices throughout history and of all the wise teachings of spiritual masters and gurus across the ages, there is only one answer to achieving enlightenment (hence happiness and success).

That answer is that you must learn to stay present. Stay in the moment that is, not the moment that isn’t. Do not go into the past. Do not go into the future. Be here now.

Every single time you’re thinking about the past, you are in your conditioned, fear-based, unhappy self. Every time you’re thinking about the future, you might think “Hey, the future is going to be great.” Why don’t you just keep that conversation going for about two minutes and watch what happens?

In a couple of minutes, it won’t be feeling so great because you are activating the part of you, whether it’s the past or the future, that is going to drive you crazy and bring you sadness, unhappiness and/or stress. What’s the answer? You must learn to stay present.

Take deep breaths because that’s your closest connection to the present. Breath can only be in the present. This is why meditation is so valuable.

This is one of the reasons I like teaching. It’s why I like getting up on stage because it is one of the only times that I have to be fully present 1,000% or I’ll fall on my face.

There’s only one challenge. None of this is easy. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your whole life–learning to be present in every moment–but also the most rewarding.

Tell us what you think. What are some of the common chatter phrases that drive you crazy? How do you deal with it? Share your stories, we want to hear from you!

For Your Freedom,

So now that that first month of the New Year is over, how does it feel?

I hope that it’s feeling great for you; that you’ve adapted to the natural progression of change that the new year brings us. I hope that if you had a resolution that was important for you to keep…that it’s going well.

For some, the holiday honeymoon is over and we’re back to reality and the same challenges that came with the end of last year. The stress and overwhelm that come for many with the holiday season just didn’t end.

I see this in comments from the community; expressions of overwhelm and unworthiness from smart, educated, driven people who feel like they “should” be successful.

I hear of people divorcing and the pressures of subsequent single parenting. Lots of debt out there; people moving back in with their parents; sporadic income. The pressures can seem unbearable.

The good news is that we create these problems for ourselves, usually. There are times of course when life can blindside us through no control of our own. Fortunately that’s not always the case. The bad news is folks have to stop playing that comfortable role of a victim.

Regardless of our circumstances, the way you feel is the way you feel. If you feel frazzled, it’s because you’re confused and you’re out of the present moment.

When you are out of the present moment, “bad things will happen.” Why? It’s because your conditioned self takes over, your habitual self. Every part of you that isn’t your true and higher self takes over when you are not in the present.

You cannot feel overwhelmed when you are in the present. You cannot feel frazzled in the present. If you’re in the present moment, you’re only going to feel peace. In that moment it’s very hard to feel anything negative.

Why would someone feel overwhelm? It means you feel like too much is going on, but what’s happening here? Is it that too much is going on, or is it that you are thinking too much is going on?

What I end up telling a lot of students is that you’re making this worse than it really is, regardless of the situation.

What if we were simply factual, with no judgments, no criticisms and no mind-frick?

When we don’t feel good about ourselves, everything externally becomes a problem and turns to shit. When we do feel good about ourselves, nothing is a problem and everything is rosy. Even if it looks like a problem, it’s not a problem to you.

Don’t make things problems that aren’t the problem. You’ve got to take one thing at a time.

You have to let go of the problem and take responsibility for it.

Then pick one thing you can work on. Focus very heavily on it in a very positive way. Be positive or be neutral.

Take a nice, deep breath; be grateful for everything in your life and start working on your business, or your body, or your relationship, or whatever that resolution was.

Have the goal that by the end of this coming year that you’re going to work towards getting everything you want in life and an exact plan on how to keep at it. Hopefully you have a Life Makeover coach…but if you don’t…

And you want to learn the system that 4,265 of my students have learned to design and create their Level 10 life…

Click here to reserve your (free) spot on my web class.

Tell us what you think. Have you had moments where you created a problem that wasn’t there? How do you overcome your problems? Share your stories… we want to hear from you!

For Your Freedom,