“WHAT YOU FOCUS ON
EXPANDS

*Sign up here to receive Harv Eker's Million Dollar Life Lessons, event notifications, and special offers.

Can You Be Successful And Be An Amazing Parent At The Same Time? Here’s How…

Today I'm asking a powerful question: how does one become successful and be a good parent?

It's a great question, because we're either parents OR we're a child of a parent, and then we get to see what they've done or they didn't do, and what we've done—or are not doing.

I'm going to outline three simple concepts that have helped me to raise great kids with good morals, and a strong work ethic to boot—all while maintaining a successful business.

1. Avoid choosing between kids and work

Let's start at the beginning. We need to move from the idea of parents struggling and having to choose “either/or” to a mindset of “both.” Not just in terms of money, like I've talked about before, but in terms of all parts of our lives.

We cannot let go of our money in order to balance our relationship, or our relationship to make sure our money works. It's got to be both.

The idea that you have to choose between your life, your happiness, your success and your children is really, really old school. It's not only old school, it's for unenlightened people. And that's okay—however, if you're open to it, I would suggest you learn and then practice choosing both.

So, first of all, I would suggest using the ‘big rocks system'. I talk about this system in my Get Rich Doing What You Love program, but basically it's all about making sure you put your priorities down in your calendar first before anything. This way you are making sure you create time for them.

Have you ever heard this saying — “You can't get orange juice from a lemon?”

This means you can't give what you don't got. If you don't take care of yourself, what kind of juice is going to come out of you?

I'm a big believer that a stressed out mother puts stress into a kid that's breastfeeding. I'm a big believer that a freaked out mother or father puts that into their kid—not just energetically. It's all transferred.

Einstein said, “Energy can neither be created nor destroyed,” but it definitely can be transferred.

So you've got to take care of yourself and you need to adopt the mindset that you don't need to suffer in one category of life because others are predominant.

2. Challenge your beliefs around parenting

Next, you want to look at the premise of what you're doing — the belief systems that you have.

Your kids barely hear what you say, but they certainly watch what you do. Watching what you do and understanding what you do, those are much more powerful than anything you say.

You can't say to your kid, “Hey, don't smoke,” while you're lighting up a cigarette. That's just ridiculous. “Hey, don't drink,” and they're watching you drink. Come on. “Well, you know, you shouldn't do what I'm doing.” This isn't the kind of thing you want to be doing—saying one thing and doing another.

As parents, we think that's okay. We say, “Hey, go upstairs and do homework”, while we're watching TV for six hours a night. The truth is they're going to model what you're doing—so YOU have to be the model.

Now, the idea many parents have, that you're needed every moment, and that your life has to revolve around your child's—that's just arrogant.

That's all about who? It's not about them—it's about you. Because really, the number one job of a parent is to teach your child how to become independent.

If you look at nature, what does pretty well every animal do? They feed their children for a time. Generally, as short a time as possible, and then they put them out into the world, the forest, into the jungle—whatever it is.

They don't stick with them for 18 or 24 or 32 years. Half their life. Only we do that. Why? Because of us, not them.

So if you ever find yourself thinking, “My children need me every moment”, you might want to question that. Because truthfully, they don't—you do.

You need you every moment. You want them to need you every moment so you can feel special and important.

Don't listen to what you say you want—watch what you do, that'll tell you what you really want.

3. Banish entitlement

Whether you're a parent with younger children or you're young and part of this generation, there's something going on right now with millennials.

There's a word that's being bandied about, and I certainly wouldn't generalize this to all millennials—absolutely not. But there is a predominance of groups of people right now that has a disease.

It's this disease called “entitlement.”

It's a problem because they grow up, they go out into the world with a false sense that the world is just going to bend over backwards for them, and they believe everything good is going to come their way.

Well, I'll tell you what: everything will come their way, but it ain't going to be really good. Even if it looks good for awhile, there will be struggles and issues that they won't know how to overcome. It'll be like the baby bird in the nest that never learned how to fly.

It's unfortunate for a lot of people that they're giving their kids the disease called “entitlement” when they make believe, they pretend, they think—falsely—that they're helping their kids.

Now, nobody said they have to struggle. Don't teach them to struggle—teach them that they need to take the actions necessary to get what they want. That's all.

There's consequences for everything, both positive and negative. You're not doing them any favors by protecting every single thing about them.

You can monitor this by watching the way your kids react to hardships and obstacles in their lives, and how willing they are to do things for themselves.

If they're at home at 26 years old, not helping out and not paying their fair share, then you need to monitor yourself. At this stage, it becomes “learned helplessness.” We're the only animal in the kingdom that does that.

I'll give you an example of my kids. As far as I'm concerned, I want to give them as much as I can, without making them feel entitled to everything, or that they don't need to work for it. Not just for productivity, but to feel fulfillment and inner success.

My kids have a great work ethic, and I'm very thrilled that they do, because I don't see them being as entitled as they could be. But I monitor that. And as a parent, that's what you need to monitor.

Watch your kids. If they're beginning to take advantage of a comfortable situation, take stock. But at the same time, if they are really learning values of effort and work and service and helping others, then you're in great shape.

To me, the idea of a parent is to teach independence and teach values.

Once you've taught them what they need to know, you can start to move them out of the nest—you're not doing kids any favor by having them hang around forever!

At the same time, if you're not a good model, you wouldn't want them around to witness that. So, good parenting has to do with one thing—it's always about you. Keep notice of that.

If you want to be a great parent, then be the best model possible.

If you are not exercising and you are always stressed out, and you are this and you are that, do you think your kids are going to be any different?

The truth is, they're going to be like you, or they're going to be the anti-you. It's generally one or the other—and the choice is yours to make.

How do you focus on parenting while maintaining your business and life? Have you encountered entitlement in your kids—or in yourself if you have no kids? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

As mentioned, a lot us feel we don't have the extra time to work on all the (equally) important categories of life, so we choose to focus on one category while letting other areas of our life suffer.

Maybe you focus on health, but then your business suffers.

Maybe you focus on business, but then your relationships suffer.

Life does NOT need to be a game of either/or! In fact, this actually hinders your success, not helps you…

…Which is why I created a 7-step system to show you exactly how you can create your ‘ultimate life', where all the categories of life are working at a Level 10. 

Click here to learn this system that has changed thousands upon thousands of my student's lives and join me on my upcoming (free) class!

For Your Freedom,

 

Join the Discussion Below

16 thoughts on “Can You Be Successful And Be An Amazing Parent At The Same Time? Here’s How…”

  1. imtiaz hussain says:

    I do not know tacs to control children

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    1. Frederick Wenger says:

      I do not think it is about controlling children it is about teaching them how to control themselves

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
    2. Paul says:

      It is not about control, Imtiaz.
      It’s about setting a great example by who you are.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
    3. I am a mother of five children and nine grandchildren. I raised them with their father and the work ethic was taught at a young age, Now that they are all grown, all of them have good paying jobs, happy married and have their own children. I do not interfere in their marriages or try to tell them how to live. They are too independent for that. They modeled what we did in front of them, not what w said. very true Wisdom.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  2. Real Chartrand says:

    Great words of wisdom. I do agree with you on this topic as I have done it with four children and now grand children. They watch you and repeat most everything they see. We are their mentors in life, so take into account what your doing right now. Everyone needs a life coach and your are it for your kids.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  3. Blessed says:

    I am currently a single Mother of a teenage boy. Lotsa of fun, and I probably give to much room for him to exercise independence and decisions and have to remind him that I am still Boss, lol. Most important, I agree, is teaching my values and also how to respect and treat a woman. Parenting is challenging at times because I am working on some of the same things I need to be teaching him.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  4. Hey Harv,
    You are right. You made me think with the sentence “The truth is, they’re going to be like you, or they’re going to be the anti-you.” It is damn true!
    The “problem” I want to solve now is to find enough time in my 24 hours day to work on my business, projects and be present as father. It is not an easy task! Thanks for the article, I am going to bring it with me in bed for tonights dreams and thoughts.
    Thanks.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    1. Michaela says:

      Remember make a schedule. If your running a business do it before the kids in the morning or after you put them to bed. You can also schedule time while they are napping. Just make sure you schedule the time to make sure your being intentional with all of your time so nothing spills over.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  5. Judith says:

    I still do not have children, but I have younger siblings. You are very right in everything you mention. We have to be the best example to create great people.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  6. Our society does not teach elder respect as it was did. I have found what works is to emphasize the positive in your children and believe in them. They have their own desires when they grow up. Mutual respect and avoid a lot of criticism is important. A mild answer to anything turns back wrath. Kindness is always in important. Good listening skills always works to solve any problem. Be a better teacher and people will listen more.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  7. Reagan Aviha says:

    I am not yet a parent but I just think it is about values we would wish to have our children acquire in their interactions and socialization with us.We should be focused to making them independent beings as they grow up.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  8. Jesus says:

    Excellent statement, I totally agree. New generations are receiving more tools that we used to receive when younger, but in many cases they are unwilling to use them, just by choosing the easy way that represents be always supported by parents.

    Strong values, good modelling and continous coaching should help them to understand that the planet is not turning around them, they should also deliver for themselves, the family and the society in general.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  9. Ann says:

    Dear Harv !
    I am totally with you to be a model for your child. At the moment I am facing rough times and I try to be positive with my baby girl and spend happy hours with her but I do struggle a lot at the moment especially financially as a single mom. I don’t have enough money to even pay for good and healthy food this month because the German state tries to block me for unemployment money the next 3 month (means no income at all). Working as a doctor is just part time possible for me at the moment but as resident you don’t earn much money in Germany and they always expect you to work extra hours – so in fact to survive financially you’re forced to work fulltime and park your baby just in a day care and don’t see her any more because fulltime doesn’t mean 40hours it means 80 hours a week in the clinic. That is not a life I want to live – not for my daughter and not for myself and I would love to raise my daughter in abundance and not struggle, lack of money but at the moment I don’t know how to get out of this field …
    Do you have any suggestions ?

    Have a nice day

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  10. Kiki Kondili says:

    I am a mother of three and a school teacher. I have always believed in being a good role model for children and that made me a better person. My goal is to create confident and independent children. Love, praise and good discussions were my tools. Expressing emotions has always been the key ingredient. I work to prepare children for the real world, the place where challenges will bring learning and help you grow stronger. During my years as an educator, I meet many parents who expect change to be brought from school. What I know is that as a parent you are the holder of the magic wand that creates your child’s life. In your child’s eyes, you are God, hero, protector and love-provider. If you want a change in the relationship with your child, start examining, challenging and recreating yourself.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  11. Sharieff Bailey says:

    Focusing on your business while attending to your children’s needs is without a doubt a challenge for sure. My children are a part of the millennials generation and I do notice some degree of a entitlement attitude in them per say. I often get criticized for not being more available or attentive when I’m busy with my business and this can be very frustrating. However, I will adopt your advice in creating ways to have BOTH quality time for my business and my kids. Love your concept of having a rich mindset based on always asking yourself how can I have both? (Secrets of The Millionaire Mind) Thanks T. Harv E

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  12. A-N-D-O says:

    In my opinion it makes a lot of sense. If our kids should become tough, then right from the early age we need to teach and control them at the same time. What we really have to do is protect and help them to a certain extent where its enough for them to live and grow up while they are still aldolescent. Overprotection and excessive support will ruin their mindset and ability to conceive about real life. For us to be able to give attention to work and children we need to have a balanced mindset, which is not easy in practical life.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

 

Connect with Harv