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How To Fully Detach From Toxic Situations And People So You Can Become Unstoppable In Every Area Of Your Life

Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone… and felt your blood boil?

We’ve all been there. Someone says something that gets under our skin and then it’s game over. Before you know it, you’re reacting negatively and following old subconscious programming.

But what if you could learn to operate from a more positive, proactive programming?

Today I’m going to show you exactly where to begin, so that you don’t absorb other people’s poor belief systems any longer.

First of all, noticing that you are becoming irritated, agitated, upset, feeling hurt or whatever it is, is the first step to moving forward.

The first step is always awareness of what’s going on… noticing that there’s a trigger and noticing how you respond to that trigger.

We are programmed to respond to certain situations, certain triggers and certain people in certain ways… these are like grooves on a record.

And remember how records used to skip? Well, it didn’t really mean that they skipped. It means they got stuck in one spot. There’s a groove that they got stuck in, and then you couldn’t hear the rest of the album or the rest of the record.

Well, it’s the same with us. Us humans, we get stuck in grooves and subconsciously react on autopilot.

Now, if you notice something and become aware of it, but then you beat yourself up for doing it, you’ve made the situation way worse for yourself.

I’m going to share a quote from my Zen teacher Cheri Huber. She says, “If you beat yourself up for noticing, you will train yourself not to notice.”

And without noticing, there is no change that can occur.

So what are you going to do now? You’re going to notice without judgment.

When testing situations, you need to understand that the situation is not you, that the other person is not you – and moreover, that those things are not necessarily things that you can even control in the moment.

The bottom line is that you must separate yourself from those situations and separate yourself from the mind that is getting upset around those situations.

If I receive criticism about the way I teach, it’s easy for me to feel hurt or angry about that, but that isn’t me talking. That’s the small self, the ego self, the fear-based self, the protective self.

That’s not who I am.

Of course, it is a part of me like my hand, my finger, my ear, my hair or my nose… but it’s not me.

Understanding that allows me to separate that. It allows me recognize that it’s only my protective mechanism doing its job the best way it knows how to do it, which is reacting in that manner and therefore making me feel the way I feel right now.

Once I can separate myself from that part of me, I can notice it, be aware of it without judgment and just simply say, “Thank you for sharing”.

When it comes to other people, they’re just trying to feed you their poison. An why would you want to eat their poison? Just because somebody gives you poison doesn’t mean you have to eat it. It doesn’t mean you have to swallow it. It doesn’t mean you have to wallow in it. It doesn’t mean you have to bathe in it.

What I always say is, their poison is theirs. It comes from their background and their conditioning. It’s not them either.

If you have poison inside you, what are you naturally, to protect yourself, going to try to do? Get rid of it.

So next time someone is saying something nasty, or something negative, or even anything that you feel is not becoming to you, understand this is their own poison.

If you argue with them, it means you’re trying to give back their poison.

Again, it’s their own stuff. It’s their own stress. It’s their own fear. That’s all that’s happening.

Now you can look at it and simply say, “Thank you for sharing.” If you’re really a good friend, you’ll listen for a bit and let them express it… but not absorb it.

If you can imagine black poison coming out of their mouth, then it’s easy to understand it has nothing to do with you.

When I’m in seminars, believe it or not, at the break most people are very grateful and are there to learn—but some other people are there to be right.

Of course, to be right, I have to be wrong. So they’ll come up to me and criticize something about me or my seminar, and I generally just thank them and move on.

They might then insist on telling me why they didn’t enjoy my presentation. Eventually, I’ll need to move on to the next person, and have forgotten what that person said in about a millionth of a second because I am not going to let that slime stick on me.

Do you know why?

It’s because I have another student who is grateful, happy and wants to learn and I am not going to transfer that first person’s slime onto my next person.

No way am I doing that to them, so I’ve got to let it go quickly.

Of course, sometimes I get hooked in. After the interaction, I feel myself all jittery and I think “Why did I entertain that?” I’ll judge myself right away, but then breathe through it.

And it’s these times when I decide to let it go and move on, that nobody has any criticism for me!

It’s the way of the universe: when we accept things as they are, instead of resisting, things seem to work in our favor.

I understand there’s a subconscious response with certain issues and fear, but it’s a practice. How do you think you change your subconscious? You change your subconscious/unconscious first by making the unconscious conscious.

The first thing you do is consciously come up with a method for stressful or intense situations. For example, “The next time a person raises his voice, I’m going to respond like this,” and you consciously create a method that works for you.

You’ve got to let it go consciously first.

When does the conscious become unconscious? Through repetition and practice.

You can’t do something one time and have it become unconscious or subconscious overnight. It takes frequency.

You do it again and again, and pretty soon that dendrite takes over. That neurological pathway becomes the path of least resistance, then it becomes unconscious.

Once you have your own method of dealing with this toxic energy, and you’ve practiced it enough times, it will make its way into your subconscious.

From here, you’ll be able to repel the negative energy from those around you, and instead focus on all the positive and exciting things happening around you.

And the best part? Once this mindset is a habit, you’ll be truly unstoppable in every area of your life.

As I mentioned, the first step for ALL change to take place is awareness.

You must become aware of those thoughts that are creating those triggers for you and then causing unwanted and negative reactions in order to reprogram your mind.

And that’s exactly why I created a special web class called: “Don’t Believe A Thought You Think: The Greatest Secret To Life”.

I hope you’ll join me as my guest as I know the information in this class will make a huge impact in your life.

Click here to reserve your (free) seat now.

For Your Freedom,

 

Join the Discussion Below

38 thoughts on “How To Fully Detach From Toxic Situations And People So You Can Become Unstoppable In Every Area Of Your Life”

  1. Leandro Bortolotto says:

    This text is just perfect. Thank you again 🙂

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  2. Jim Quinlan says:

    This is a great lesson! Thank you for sharing this!!

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  3. Love this…
    “If you beat yourself up for noticing, you will train yourself not to notice.”

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  4. Joel says:

    Thanks for all
    This tips helps for the next time you have a conversation with a negative people

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  5. Gina Mills says:

    Thank you Harv!
    I get so much from watching you and have actually watched
    Don t believe——- before and loved it.
    Todays invitation spread clarity and I have seen a light I really needed so the universe is working.
    Thanks again
    Gina

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  6. Mister Tea says:

    Great article, Harv! This is really something to think about.

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  7. Jan says:

    Harv – I agree to a certain extent, but I also believe that there are times when you have to communicate that you will not tolerate negative behavior. In other words, you need to have boundaries. Sometimes you can just say thank you for your input, sometimes you have to clarify that the person doing the complaining is misunderstanding you and you must explain in a better way what that person isn’t understanding, and sometimes you have to be stern and authoritative especially if that person is being disruptive and disrespecting you or other people. I just had this same issue a few weeks ago where a woman in my hobby club took out her anger on me even though I did nothing wrong to her. I responded by filing a grievance against her to make it clear that she can’t push people around and get away with it, because then she’ll just keep on doing it. Harv, there are times when you have to put someone in their place. This is not only for you but for others that may also experience intimidation and bullying if that behavior isn’t dealt with immediately.

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    1. Jessica walkerJessi says:

      yes if someone tries taking my choices away b biking me …IM not sure how I can think it out for being that way.I believe I created this but is no contact the only solution r can i get so at one with peace that I let the bully rule until he understands respect. I have alot to learn into creating my wanted juxtapositiona

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    2. Jessica walkerJessi says:

      yes if someone tries taking my choices away b bullying me …IM not sure how I can think it out of being that way.I believe I created this but is no contact the only solution or can i get so at one with peace that I let the bully rule until he understands respect. I have alot to learn into creating my wanted juxtapositiona

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    3. carl Willment says:

      Hi jan in response to (quote “not tolerate” and “boundaries”) theese words are connected to belief systems and maybe the vunerable inner self. Other peoples attitudes, opinions, threats and annoyances can never have any power, influence or control in your life, unless you, and only you, give them permission by reacting to what they say. The second you respond, you open the door and invite the devil in. I totally agree that in situations where a structure exists, such behaviour should be reported for the established structure to deal with, however as individuals how we percieve the world is based on our belief system alone. I remember when i used to have issues that i believed we’re someone else’s fault !!!

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    4. Arnold Adkins says:

      Thank you Harv, for making this discussion available. Thank you Jan for being yourself. Thank you Carl for bringing it home. I feel that I have taken another step toward being the Captain of my fate and the master of my life inner world which is reflected in the outer worlds. My environment and my behavior both pro and reactionary.

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  8. Marko says:

    Your seminars as well web class’s are the best i had ever experienced in my 15 years of life!

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  9. Necole XO says:

    Thank you!

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  10. First of all I will like to thank Harv for changing my life for ever.

    May we can say a law of attraction : once I saw you in abundance video made by someone in YouTube and became a big fan of your.

    And after a month came to know you are coming to take session in Mumbai for MMI in October 2016 .

    Attended the session , was little disappointed intially when got to know you are not taking session.

    But the way. Mac Attram shared your stories and gave examples​ they were life changing.

    I first time discovered that even I want to be a motivational trainer.

    Attended few of your webinars, did mission to millions and enrollment for train the trainer and gbi.

    Want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the work you are doing.

    It’s really great to know not only me but many of us changed our lives for ever by taking actions.

    Thanks So much Harv and your amazing team

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  11. Natural stuff is bullshit.
    I say to a gymnasiet, tray peppermint oil before workout and Can work out better and more…

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  12. Miguel Batista says:

    Many Thanks for the precious information. It is exactly what I need at the moment. To figure out how I’ve been improving in this issue and what more can I do to make it even better.
    Your words are very helpful and positive.
    Best regards,
    Miguel
    Portugal

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  13. Great reminder of how to deal with toxic people Harv. It was 2005 when I flew from the UK to attend one of your Millionaire Mind events in LA, and you’ve reminded me why at almost 50, I still have plenty of friends and an excellent relationship with my family because I’m not so easily offended by what others say that I kiss our relationship “goodbye.”

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  14. Graham Meadowcroft says:

    Very interesting way of looking at things, I completely understand where your coming from but it’s very difficult when it’s something that means a lot to you and it causes you problems… my intentions are to try this and see how I get on… I try to convince myself on a daily bases nothing matters other than my plan and kids… so anyone can say whatever they want to me and I don’t care… it’s just hard at times to make this happen

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  15. Stuart says:

    Thanks so much for the empowering recommendations,
    all the best.

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  16. Chris says:

    Non of these times time on the 15th work for me as I am out of town. When is your next one

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    1. T. Harv Eker says:

      Hi Chris, I’ve been told by my team if you take the URL and check back in a few days you will have another option.

      It plays every 3 days.

      Or you can email support and I’m sure we can set you up with a time that works best for you support@harveker.com

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  17. Susie Howe says:

    Great share today! I was fortunate to sit next to my boss who first taught me to not react, there was definitely some work in it for me. Then I learned about cognitive distortions, statements that just did not feel right, hmmmm. I learned how to recognize the distortions in types of statements that caused me to react. I learned to say you win, your right, and I’m leaving quietly to myself. I learned to let go. In doing this I was able to find my sense of humor again. And I have to say that doing this was some of the best work I have done in my life. Thanks so much!

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  18. Jose Pina says:

    Thank you so much Harv, excellent advice how to handle not only with toxic people. These tips also serve to handle our own toxicity in our thoughts.

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  19. Lilit says:

    Hi, from Armenia.
    Thank you , Harv, for your greatest tips. Also, Your “Think as a Millionaire” has totally changed my way of thinking and acting.It’s a great book.

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  20. sara seltzer says:

    I love your positive vibes and constructive messages.You are a great role model, and I take you very seriously. Blessings.

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  21. Anna Gray says:

    If I have a gift, it is mine. If I offer it to you, it is yours. If I offered it to you and you did not take it, it is mine. Ditto with negative things. If I offered you an insult, and you did not take it, it is mine.

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  22. Jack says:

    Great topic for discussion since these situations are so common.
    It is easy to ignore one person out of a large class. What about when that person is your boss or has a lot of influence over you? Another reason to not work for a corporation or be an employee.
    And instead develop financial freedom.

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  23. Christine Richter says:

    Danke für alle Artikel!

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  24. vicki says:

    i agree with Jack. I work for an extremely negative and critical boss. My co-workers are rude and disrespectful to me because they are modelling her behaviour. I have actually spoken to my boss about this and she claims it isn’t on her radar and thus she won’t do anything about it. We are all well educated (M.Sc and Ph.D) women but the toxicity is brutal. It is very difficult to maintain a positive mindset when the work place is overcome with toxicity.

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  25. Saket Garg says:

    100% agree to your point and that’s the same way I feel and have experienced in my routine, e.g. some nasty person writes a bad email to you, criticising some point…i have realised that one should not start replying in rus of blood but detach from that negative tone of message and than plan a reply…I assure you that reply with relaxed mind will be better.

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  26. Martha says:

    Thanks Harv, excelent article. Although it is difficult to make our desired behavior uncouncious having in front of us someone rude, it is a great advice to make us conscious that is his/her own poisson. Very helpful.

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  27. Derian says:

    Hola tienen un grupo de whatsapp para unirme a ustedes 😀 ?

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  28. Марина says:

    Hello and prosper! Thank you very much for the useful information and great wisdom! I wish everyone success and healthy situations and relationships !!!

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  29. Kirsten says:

    Great!! I just had a situation last week where I fully reacted instead of keeping my composure. It was so bad poison – and as I realized in the end, greatly manufactured by myself. And whom did it harm? The other person – no, it affected me heavily. Looking back my protective mechanism did not do me any favor. “Thank you for sharing!” – Thank you so much fo reminding me that there is a cure for it. I am working on being able to not let the other’s poison infect me.

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  30. Cesar Abraham says:

    HI, HARV.I always get a conflict with others I always discuss with others but the result was a mess of everything.If I only say
    Thanks for sharing
    Why I spent my words arguing?
    And follow your advice I went to a psychologist for my mind health I really need it.Thanks Harv

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  31. Taj muhammad says:

    Thank you Harve for sharing. My little ego says at this time what if the person who is criticizing me has some message for me regarding my improvement?

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  32. Gottardo says:

    Buongiorno Harv,
    grazie per tutti questi consigli, seguendo il tuo libro mi ha aiutato a capire molte cose, mi piacerebbe partecipare alla tua web class non parlando inglese per me è difficile seguire la lezione.
    grazie

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  33. Thanks, T.Harv Eker. I do my best to avoid toxic situations. I realize that some people will try to dump their issues on you. If I react I get caught in a vicious cycle.

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