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Tag: become

Fear: the Great Paralyzer

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Help ButtonWhen we look at successful people, there are a variety of assumptions we can make for why they are successful. Hard work comes to mind. Smarts never hurt. Maybe they were born with advantages that other people weren’t born with.

But let’s be honest: there are times when you wonder why someone who doesn’t seem terribly bright finds success. “How the hell did they get to where they’re at? I’m smarter than them!” That may or may not be true, but one thing is for sure: however one reaches success—even if intelligence and ability weren’t factors at all—those people aren’t afraid to take action!

It’s Not All About the “Great Idea”

Lots of people have great ideas. Even more may be sharp as pencils. They can know exactly what to do. But what good is all that knowledge, imagination, and information if you’re too scared to do anything about it?

Let’s not give fear too much of a bad rap here. When mankind needed to be hyper-aware of our environment in more primal times, fear was certainly a useful tool for staying alive. We were born with the ability to fear, so like anything else we’re born with, it serves a purpose.

Fortunately, most of us aren’t typically in “fight or flight” situations like our ancestors. Unfortunately, people tend to invoke that same primal instinct about things that have nothing to do with life or death. It just seems like it when a big change or decision is upon us that moves us out of our comfort zones (even when we know financial “comfort” isn’t quite as comfortable as financial freedom).

The Protective Mind Can Hold You Back

It’s that protective mind acting like a helicopter mom, hovering over us as if every move we make will end in disaster. It’s constantly creating doom and gloom scenarios, trying to scare the heck out of us in the hopes that we won’t try anything new. It’s our own protective mind that prevents us from taking the actions necessary to reach our dreams.

When that happens, all of our great ideas are now full of uncertainty and doubt. A lot of people wait for their fear to subside before doing something. Wrong! You don’t have to be fearless in order to act. You acknowledge the fear and act anyway. Fear itself holds no real power over us.

Successful People Have Fear

Successful people have doubts and successful people worry. The only difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is that successful people act regardless of the fear. Even those who don’t have integrity or brains but who act anyway are going to find more success than geniuses with integrity who keep it to themselves because they’re too afraid to put themselves out there.

Habitual fear can be paralyzing. It can trick us into believing that we can’t act, that we shouldn’t act, that acting toward what we really want is going to lead to pain because that’s what we’ve been taught, or because that’s what happened before. You’re never going to be happy or successful if you don’t get beyond fear.

 

Now it’s your turn: What’s been some of your biggest fears, anxieties and worries that—now that you look back on it—were overblown? What was the result once you got past those fears? Where in your life are you letting fear, doubt or worry stop you from taking the necessary actions for happiness and success? Share here so others can learn from your experiences.

Remember this:  Don’t let fear ever paralyze you into inaction. Overcome your fears!

Go Hard or Go Home

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iStock_000010769378XSmallgoHARD

I’ve seen that mantra in several different contexts, in particular to athletics or anything with a kind of “edge” to it. It comes off a little severe, like something those guys who pound each other in cages on Pay per View would say. Train hard, push hard, work hard, fight hard. Otherwise, what’s the point?

In general, people recognize the truth in the phrase ‘Go Hard or Go Home.’ If you’re going to do something, either be the absolute best you can be or don’t do it at all. Well, not everything. You can enjoy the heck out of playing golf, but you don’t have to be a PGA player to get something out of playing. You do it strictly because you want to, no reasons needed.

Consider, though, the difference between something you do for fun versus something you’re doing for your life, like working toward financial freedom, or living more healthy. Being an average golfer is fine, but there’s no such thing as an average millionaire. You’re either a millionaire or you’re not, and quite frankly there aren’t as many millionaires as there are wanna-be millionaires.

In other words, you can’t just “okay” yourself to riches. You’re either going to master wealth, or you’re not.

That’s where the warrior mentality is critical for the mind of the millionaire. The warrior always chooses to be a master. A warrior has to! There is no other option. For a real warrior, mastery can make the difference between life and death. Not that being anything less than rich equals being dead, but the same kind of must-mentality is … a must!

Mastery isn’t as much a skill as it is a matter of discipline, desire, and commitment to taking your life to another level. Most people are not living anywhere near their potential because they’re playing in the minor leagues. Major leaguers, no matter what job or industry, are making lots of money because they’re not afraid of themselves, the work, the responsibility, making the necessary changes, of playing big, and they believe they must play big in order to win big.

Does it take more work to play in the majors than in the minors? Not necessarily. It takes more practice for sure, but sometimes all it takes are minor adjustments to your thinking and how you apply your skills in order to make big changes.

If you want to master anything, you’ll have to do at least some things differently. Your standards must change, your thinking needs to change from “This is okay” to “I can do much better,” and you’ll need to find reasons why there’s room to get bigger rather than reasons why not.

Can you be a master at everything? No, nor does anybody need to be. You need, instead, to prioritize, choose and focus on those things you really want for yourself. Whatever you choose, know that you’re going to master it or not take it on. If you aren’t willing to see your potential and hold yourself to it, then you won’t master much.

You will always get what you’re willing to settle for. The hardest part isn’t actually becoming a master. It’s deciding that you’re going to be one in the first place, and not going backwards from that moment on.

Now it’s your turn!  Are you playing in the major leagues or still down at the minors?  If you are mastering your life, what was the turning point to get you to make the shift up?  If you are still in the minors, what will it take to get you to play bigger?  Share here—someone just might read what you write and be inspired to live a better life.

YOU in the Hot Seat, Purpose and Being Part 2

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Hot SeatIn my last blog, we took a look at the idea of being—who you are is reflected in what you value the most, and how that will influence your actions. If you value courage, everything you do will reflect that, from being honest even though it may be hard, to taking steps toward your financial freedom.

Great. So you know what your principles are; those qualities that will inform everything you do, taking you from where you are to wherever you want to be. Awesome. Now … what do I do?

There’s nobody—and I mean nobody, ever—who hasn’t asked themselves the BIG question: what am I doing here? What’s my purpose? Some schools of thought say—I believe, correctly—that we’re born into this life with a purpose, a reason for being. Considering that just about everything in nature has a specific purpose for existing, and we are part of nature, it’s not a stretch to accept that every individual has a specific purpose as well.

A lot of people believe in purpose, but most have a hard time figuring out what that is for them. No doubt there have been a rare few individuals who have received or recognized within themselves a kind of unmistakable calling. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Teresa immediately come to mind.

But that’s usually not how it works for the rest of us. You can wait and wait for a sign that may or may not ever come. What would you rather do if you’re unsure of your purpose: let life pass by or choose your purpose yourself? The upside to these deeper questions is that we are the ones who get to decide how we are best suited to serve ourselves, others and life itself.

However random it may seem, though, finding our individual purpose is actually easier than one might think. We each have unique abilities, inherent talents and strengths. Different subjects and activities interest us and make us happy. We all have varying experiences and issues from which we’ve learned, and every one of us has a different way in which we can use these traits in ways that serve but also bring us abundance and fulfillment. It’s through these factors that we can all choose a purpose.

That doesn’t mean we’re locked into any one way of how to go about living our purpose. For example, if your purpose is to teach, you may literally teach in a school, or become a writer and speaker. The vehicle isn’t as important as recognizing yourself as a teacher no matter what you do.

Once you have purpose, you will have two essential elements for a truly happy life—money and meaning! You’ll do more of what you’re good at, attracting people who have a need or want for your particular talents. In this way, you will become ‘rich’ in every sense of the word.

EXERCISE:
List your unique abilities, talents, strengths, interests and passions. Then choose an overall purpose for your life. For some people, it may take hours to think it through; for others it may take days or longer. Once you’ve honestly assessed yourself, clarify your purpose by writing it down. Then choose an initial vehicle with which you can serve people that is in alignment with your purpose. Begin living your life with meaning today.

YOU in the Hot Seat: Purpose & Being Part I

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The Hot Seat

 

Do you know who you are?

“Of course I know who I am,” a lot of people will respond. Then they’ll rattle off a list that includes their name, where they’re from, their occupation, their ethnicity; the list can go on and on. Yet, we are more than our title, heritage or role, yes or yes?

Most of us have a pretty good idea about the sum experience of our lives; what we’ve been taught, how we’ve come along so far, and how we generally tend to operate. Maybe a better question than “Who are you” is, “Who do you want to be?”

We are always being who we are—whatever that is at the moment—but at the same time we’re also always becoming. It’s easy to say, “I am (fill in the blank),” and we can think this with complete conviction. However, just because someone says they are—for example—a good friend doesn’t necessarily make it so. But who wouldn’t want to become a better friend?

Even those with greater awareness of themselves can be affected by current pressures and challenges. Sometimes, how we respond to these challenges can surprise us, like showing great compassion and humanity to others in the face of unspeakable tragedy (think the outpouring of support for the Haiti tragedy), even though those same people might not otherwise appear on our radar at all. Other times, we might be disappointed because we think of ourselves as open-minded, only to find out that we aren’t what we think we are all the time. Considering life’s uncertainties, there really is no way to be absolutely sure of how we will respond to what life gives us.

When it comes down to it, who you really are is what you value the most; and what you value then becomes reflected in what you do; where your energy and resources are directed on a regular basis. Not just the value of material things like cars, houses, or the latest gadgets. I mean what you value as in honesty, self-respect, respect for others, kindness—qualities that have no price because their impact can’t be measured.

So instead of thinking in terms of who you are, perhaps a more practical way of looking at the question is who do you want to become. We probably aren’t going to be exactly who we want to be in every moment of life. Anybody who’s experienced fear or anger can attest to that. Nobody wants to be fearful, but we’d all like to be courageous.

Who you want to be is really what makes you who you are now. When you’re striving for something, you’re acting—you’re doing. And what you do makes you more of who you will become later down the line. There is no distinction between the present and the future. It’s always happening now through your values and your actions, from building your sense of character to building a strong financial foundation.

In my next blog, we’ll look at taking the next step in being by exploring the notion of purpose.

Here’s your exercise:

Put yourself in the hot seat and ask the tough questions.  What qualities do you really want to enact no matter what the situation, no matter what goal you’re trying to reach? Compassion? Bravery? Simplicity? Faith? Good humor? Whatever these qualities you admire or cherish the most, these are the principles that make you who you are, if you hold to them consistently.