Whatever's coming at us in life – is it happening because we somehow deserve it? Did we ask for it?

Sometimes it’s our blueprints that limit what the Universe brings into our lives. People unconsciously punish themselves over something that happened a long time ago but they haven’t forgiven themselves. Or they feel guilty about actually getting what they want. Sometimes there’s a part of us that feels like we don’t deserve more.

Other times, things happen out of nowhere; extreme challenges hit us out of the blue, and if we’re honest with ourselves, there’s a part of us that will ask, however briefly, “What did I do to deserve this?”

How we think about what we get in life—the meanings we attach to events and circumstances—will impact the quality of our lives. So it doesn’t pay to give too much credit to the Universe when things go right, nor too much blame when things go wrong and we don’t get what we want.

Success starts with us and our attitudes—and we’re grateful when the Universe gives us a nudge in the right direction.

We have the power to ask for and get what we want. People who are successful at it are considered “smooth-talkers,” with just a hint of resentment behind that tag, as if they’re just lucky to be born with the gift of gab.

There does seem to be some people that are better at it than others, but the power of persuasion is a learnable skill. If a kid in a marketplace can do it, for heaven’s sake so can you!

Most people, though, either go into a negotiation assuming that they’re going to get raked, and either don’t bother trying to negotiate out of fear or talk themselves out of getting the deal they want by not believing they can get it or deserve it.

That’s actually a big thing for a lot of people—the belief that getting what they want must mean that they’re taking something away from someone else. Of course that’s not true—the best negations are win-win scenarios.

In business and in life, ask for what you want! What’s the worst that could happen? The other person says no? So what if they do? People are so afraid of receiving “no” into their lives they don’t even try.

The best negotiating tool is the truth. Let the other person know how you’re feeling. The idea of good negotiations is to work together so you both get what you want and you both feel good and you feel the deal is fair.

When you ask someone, “What do you want?” they’ll usually tell you what they want. When you ask, “What do you think is fair?” they’ll usually tell you what they think is fair and balance your part of the equation.

Don’t get attached to the whole thing, and it’s actually a lot of fun. There’s a feeling of success that builds confidence once you become good at it, but there’s also a sense of fulfillment when you actually get what you deserve.

And as the saying goes, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you can negotiate. Let the Universe sort the rest out for you.

Tell us your experiences with stepping outside your comfort zone to get what you want. Was it a business experience? A personal experience? We want to hear from you!

What’s the root of all evil? Money, right? Wrong!

You’d be amazed how many people think being rich will make their lives worse, like they won’t be judged for who they are but for their money. So even though they want to be rich, they shirk it at the same time.

This subtle yet profound fear keeps people from the truth: it’s good to be rich! Not just for the lifestyle, but because in the end, being rich makes us into better people.

I can hear someone screaming, “What about the rich jerk who doesn’t tip even though the service was great? How’s money made him a better person?” Here’s a clue: whoever you are, money will make you more of that. If you are a kind, generous person who attracted like-minded people before being rich, you’ll continue to do so after because now you’ll be able to be even more generous on a larger scale.

It’s our duty to become rich if we can. We have an obligation to grow to our greatest potential, developing the character that can achieve and care about other people at the same time. This is the growth that will ultimately make us into better people.

So what is the root of all evil? It’s not stacks of paper. Fear is at the root of our thoughts that tell us becoming rich will make things worse and take us away from being loved, accepted, and well-thought of.

If we don’t accept that being rich can be a good thing for ourselves and for others, fear and doubt creates envy. Envy says, “I can’t have that, and I resent those that do.” Acceptance of what you really want says, “I can have that, and I will be a better person because of it.”

So instead of secretly despising rich people, we should affirm them, even if they’re frickin jerks. We’re not affirming who they are as people—we’re affirming the idea that it’s okay to be rich. You can make a choice not to be selfish, arrogant, and thoughtless. Fear and envy negate thoughts of wealth and result in feelings and actions that take you away from it, even when you’re not aware of it.

Here’s a simple exercise in overcoming fear. Think of something that you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to, and just do it (Don’t break any laws, though!). Even if you end up not wanting to do it again, at least you know instead of just holding back for whatever reason. You’ve broken through something, and other breakthroughs become easier. It’s the only way we’ll ever grow.

This is not just about being rich, although that is one of the goals. This is about growing ourselves to become bigger than the obstacles we’ll face in life. The more wonder we experience and challenges we face, the more we expand to be able to take in more; the good and the bad; the money and the problems that come with it. In the end, striving toward becoming rich can only serve you, and if you choose it, serve others as well. How’s that a bad thing?

That’s got to sound ironic coming from someone who believes whole-heartedly in the benefits of being rich. Forget about getting out of debt, paying bills, buying nice things, etc. That stuff’s great, but at the end of it all you’re not going to give a damn about your credit rating. Money’s the last thing on your mind in that moment, I would imagine.

Money can reduce the stress of living, but it can bring just as much if not more anxiety. I’ve gone through my cycles of accumulating and losing money, getting more and losing it again. The money wasn’t burning a hole in my pocket. I just had a big hole in my pocket and didn’t bother to sew it up. That hole represented something in my mental blueprint that kept me from being stable with money. There was nothing wrong with the money.

On the other hand, people without money often think if they just had enough to do this or that, then things would be better. While that may be true, what happens when the mind goes into ‘Only if …’ consistently? That’s exactly what you get … ‘only if.’

‘This will only happen if…’

All of a sudden nothing’s happening and you don’t even know or remember that rule you created. In business that thinking often translates into “It takes money to make money.” No! If you have money it can certainly grow more money, but it doesn’t take money to make money. It takes creativity to make money.

Throwing money at a problem is disaster! In business there’s no such thing as a money problem. That problem grew out of somewhere else. You want to fix the root of the problem. If you throw money at a business problem, you’ll have the same business problem for the rest of your life and no money. Creativity and knowledge are the answers, not money.

It’s also not logical to blame money for people’s shortcomings, or the world’s for that matter. Obviously there are people that are rich and greedy, but there are poor people who are greedy and there are middle class people who are greedy. There are rich, poor, and middle-class people who are generous. There are rich, poor and average income people who can be both generous and greedy, depending on the stress they’re going through at any given time.

To say rich people are greedy as a blanket statement is just as unfair as saying poor people are lazy. I’ve met many a hard-working poor person who just hadn’t yet turned the corner on working smarter instead of just harder.

Money can’t be the root of all evil. Envy, jealousy, and greed—all based on fear of not having or getting enough of something we want—pre-dated currency (think about the story of Cain and Able). It’s a part of what it means for us to be human.

If money isn’t the cause of all that’s wrong, it’s not going to be the cure either. It’s not the answer. It’s the fruit of our expansion—or lack thereof—beyond ourselves and of the impact we’re having on the world. What we choose to do with that is a result of who we choose to be, not because of money.

Our lingering resentments and unresolved conflicts derail what is otherwise a universe that’s waiting to put us on track for success. We just have to open to the awareness that what we say we want and how we unconsciously operate often contradicts one another. If the universe were able to feel, it’d be just as frustrated by our blocks as we are.

Once we open up, we can start resolving past hurts, realizing that the pain may have been understandable for that time, but it’s only going to cause further damage if it’s not attended to immediately. So we mend, sometimes bending to meet another halfway, even if nothing about them has changed. We forgive them not for their sake, but for our own good. We can’t control who they are or how they’ll respond, but we can be effective through our sincerity. If our forgiveness releases them from pain too, bonus!

As important as all of this is though, the root of it all is as natural as our ability to breathe. It’s fear. It’s a part of us. We’ll never get rid of it. No amount of wisdom or experience will ever be enough to prevent it. We just get better at faking it out.

When you really think about it, the mind isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s useful for sure, but only after we’ve attained a certainty degree of emotional maturity. I would go so far as to say also a level of spiritual maturity, but that’s not even the main point. There’s got to be something else within us aware of its control over our mind and emotions. If we let either of those control us, we’re not much better than self-trained apes or temperamental drama queens!

The brain is a tool, but it’s also got … a mind of its own. Its mind is not to make us successful. It’s not concerned about us thriving. Its purpose is for our survival at a base level. Its job is to anticipate what’s coming and preserve our basic needs within that anticipation. In other words, the mind lives in a future reality that doesn’t even frickin’ exist yet! Our mind creates the greatest soap opera script. It makes up incredible stories, usually dramas and disasters that never happened and never will.

The secret to freedom is to realize that you don’t have to believe your mind. You don’t have to believe your story. You don’t have to believe that voice in your head. You don’t have to believe your own thinking. You can simply observe it and say, “Thank you for sharing,” and then take the necessary action you’re scared to take anyway.

One of the biggest mistakes that most people make is waiting for the feeling of fear to subside before they act. It’s not necessary and it’s impossible anyway. Rich and successful people have fear, worries, and doubts. They just don’t let those things stop them.

Don’t resist taking chances. Take them like vitamins. Let go of the brakes. Don’t worry about the bumps and bruises. You can take them. Don’t steer around what scares you. Go over. Go under. Go around or go through. Do something others would be terrified to do. You will feel your chin rise up from your chest and there will be one less thing you can’t do. Just freaking do it!

With so much turmoil going on in the world today, sometimes it can seem too selfish to think about personal riches while so many struggle for basics. This is a feeling I experienced periodically throughout my life—that flip-flop between getting rich as an unqualified goal and wanting to get rid of it all and retreat to a temple or something, or otherwise reject the idea of staying rich.

I’ve made it and lost it. I went from being rich to ‘money is not the most important thing in life’ and ‘why would you put that much focus on it?’ Honestly, I used to think this was a curse. It’s like I had this split personality where one side was about being an entrepreneur and focusing on finances. But I had this other part of me that just wanted to be at the monastery, meditate and eat in silence.

It took me years to figure out that neither extreme was really me. Sometimes it takes success to understand success in itself is not enough. I had to win and lose, tune out and turn on in order to learn that when you reach your first big goal, joyousness, gratitude, and satisfaction don’t just automatically jump on for the ride.

There has to be an intention for these intangibles, and that means knowing what makes you joyous, grateful and satisfied—where money has nothing to do with it. The money only takes it to a whole other level. So discovering these things about yourself certainly does require asking yourself quality questions—or in my world, that and some soul searching.

There’s an eloquent balance between wealth and spirituality that I can now fully embrace, as should we all. For the spiritual-minded in a world of such disparity, consider yourself blessed to have an interest in that and in financial success. Be the fortunate one to put the two together and help other people know that they can be rich and spiritual too. You can be rich and a good person with intentions that consider others.

If spirituality doesn’t ring true for you, throw that out the window anyways. Both riches at any costs and “money doesn’t matter” are two extremes that simply don’t work. They didn’t work for me, and I can’t think of anyone I know who can survive either over the long haul. Intend to split the difference. Balance is beautiful.

Now I look at my duality as a blessing, thanking my stars for the successes and failures, those swings from hermit to world conqueror. You can have your goals, and when you achieve them acknowledge yourself and be thrilled, but there better be something else bringing you joy in your life, or you can end up psyching yourself out of success.

Bank riches without inner riches is a bank account waiting to see itself dwindle, because you’ll look for other ways to use that money to fill a hole that it can never fill—even if that means consciously or unconsciously getting rid of it.

Do you have any stories of having a bunch only to lose it willfully? What was it that finally made you realize the money wasn’t enough, and what did you do to get that sense of real satisfaction? What was the particular lesson you can share with the rest of the Millionaire Mind community? We want to hear from you!

What are we really doing when we “put all our cards on the table?” What cards? What table?

There was a fad not so long ago … maybe it’s still going on today … but Texas Hold ‘Em Poker was the rage. Who knew the difference between a “River” and a “Flop” before about 2003?

In Poker there’s predictably a point in the game where you’re holding what you think is a killer hand. You might have to “up the ante” because somebody else is thinking the same thing, then those who haven’t folded put their cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may.

The expressions that come from card games serve as reminders on strategy, guessing, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” when not to push your luck and when to say, “What the hell, I’m all in!”  Going after those things that we want means taking risks without really knowing how the game will turn out.

But seriously, there’s nothing worse than playing a game of poker, getting a great hand, then upping the ante only to find out somebody else has an Ace to your King, or a Straight Flush to your Full House. But will a big loss be enough to keep you from throwing your cards on the table again? I mean a real kind of loss, like an investment gone sour or a business that took a big hit in the recession?

Your cards are going to change from game to game, as will the amount of chips you win and lose. But when we’re talking about laying our cards on the table, we gotta think about that table too.

If you’re playing on a three-legged table, well … you may still win from time to time, but ultimately that table isn’t gonna hold up over the long run, yes or yes? Your table’s got to be as strong as the cards you’re holding.

Play your cards if that’s what makes sense, but you have to be playing from a strong foundation to begin with—your table has to be sturdy enough to support a great hand to play when its time to play it. That support comes from the belief you have in yourself as well as your ability to play your cards to maximum effect. Those beliefs end up being the table’s legs, as my good friend Tony Robbins used in a metaphor. The more support you have in your legs, the stronger the table. In other words, start the game with self-supporting beliefs.

We can develop beliefs around anything if we find enough references to support it, yes? If we’re talking about financial success, you have to believe that you can or deserve to be a financial success. You have to visualize being there, like you belong there. The roots of our beliefs go deep.

What do the legs of your table look like right about now? What support can you honestly give yourself that—no matter what cards you happen to be holding at the time—you can lay them out with pride and confidence that you actually stand a chance of winning? Is one of your legs ‘persistence,’ or ‘willing to try new things’; or creativity, leadership, influencing? Whatever these legs are, they need to be true for you, and only you know that. If you don’t, asked trusted loved ones for support—then stand up!

You have to know when to hold ‘em, fold ‘em, go for it and call it a day, but know what legs you’re standing on, too.

If you’ve ever related to another human being, you’ve probably experienced this.

You’re having a discussion with someone, and he or she says something you know as a matter of fact to be absolutely false. You can politely challenge this person’s inaccuracy, but most people don’t want to be wrong, and many others have a hard time admitting it. It’s human nature, our inner-fear mechanism adapted to today’s insecurities rather than the old “fight or flight” days. But depending on who you’re talking to, proving to somebody that they are wrong can get awkward if the people involved take it too personally.

Even when all evidence points to them being wrong, some people will stubbornly hang on to their views because they’d rather be right and comfortable in being wrong rather than risk the discomfort of having to assimilate new information into their worldview.

As a matter of fact, the people who are the most righteous are usually the most miserable people on this earth anyway, aren’t they? The ones who always have to be right are usually just taking their insecurities and unhappiness out on others, yes or yes?

Being right doesn’t always mean being happy, but if we’re happy it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong. Being right isn’t as important a consideration when you’re secure and focused. The only thing that’s important is: will the experience move me toward a result that I believe will support my happiness? That will mean being wrong sometimes, but we have to experience this in order to learn how to get it right, and then get happier.

Be right or be happy. Now replace the word “rich” with “happy.” Does that change the meaning of the phrase any? Not one bit! You can be right or you can be rich; it’s still a choice. Being right could mean holding on to old ways that aren’t supportive of being rich; unconscious blueprints, programming and conditioning that links negative thoughts to money. The more you decide that you want to be right, the more you’ve decided that you can pretty well kiss away being rich, not just financially but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally too. You can be right or you can be rich.

Money is a really blessed thing, and if you have the where-with-all to be able to earn or have a lot of it, you have an advantage over a situation; a gift, talent, skill or way of being that is actually a little different than most people out there. At that point, who needs to be right?!? The quality of your life is all the proof you need.

That doesn’t mean compromising your good sense to someone because of their inflexibility, but happy people don’t need to prove anything. They figured out that along the way, you have to be wrong at least occasionally in order to learn how to get it right. I’d rather be wrong and learn something that will benefit me later than “right” and learn nothing—and maybe get someone PO’d at me for being a smart-ass!

Do you have any stories of something that seemed like a disaster but actually turned out to be one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever received? An occasion where you were actually glad that you were wrong? We want to hear from you!

So … how’s your mental health these days?

There’s so much going on in the world—things certainly aren’t boring, that’s for sure! Signs of change are apparent, from cautious optimism on the economic front to political shifts around the world. While some respond to change with excitement and hope, others can see the same events with fear and apprehension, responding much differently.

I like the example of the twins abused by their father in childhood. One becomes abusive toward her own family later in life, while the other expresses the love and caring with her future family absent from her experience. Both ask, “How else would I be?” And both are right.

There are more than enough reasons to choose non-supportive responses to life’s shocks and tribulations, but we’ve still got to keep our inner game tight if we want to be happy and successful—regardless of what happened decades ago or last night—so let’s do some more mental check-ups, yes?

We’ve got to keep an eye on negative conditioning that takes hold and steers us away from what we want. We’re not going to let non-supportive conditioning take root, or we’re going to begin the process of uprooting that negativity.

In the example of the twins, very few if any people would knowingly choose to participate in abusive and unhappy relationships, yet that’s what shows up for the one that linked love with conflict rather than affection.

So now what happens? The twin that links love with abuse gets angrier, no matter who the relationship is with—the angrier she gets, the closer she comes to a point in her life where she’s sick and tired of being angry. Finally she says, ‘I just want to be happy and peaceful.’ She asks the same mind that created the link between love and abuse what to do.

Not knowing anything else but conflict, that same mind says, “If you want to get rid of the anger you’re going to have to get rid of the love,” and so she does, subconsciously. She sabotages herself or just takes herself out of the game completely.

By the way … the same goes for money, yes or yes? People with negative associations to money—who still make a lot of it anyway—manage to give it away, make bad investments or they have a divorce. Or people just don’t make it at all. Whatever the non-supportive associations, it usually comes down to an issue of awareness—knowing that these things are going on. And this goes for everything, not just money or love.

So what’s your condition? Stable? Critical? Are those roots supportive or non-supportive toward your success-building? Are they deep or are they shallow?
It takes conscious effort to uncover the different types of conditioning we undergo—from family roots, to school, church, and media, culture— the list goes on and on. It’s nothing that can truly be grasped and appreciated in just a few blogs.

However, take advantage of a community of like-minded people. Share your thoughts on the different ways we’re conditioned, the subtle yet profound ways this conditioning impacts us, and some ways you “debug” those programs—whether from Million Mind seminars or some tactics you’ve picked up along the way. We want to hear from you!

I believe we are spiritual beings living physical lives, and to make the most of this life we have to take care of, nurture, and more importantly listen to the clues that spirit gives us, mostly through gut intuition and feelings we have.

At some point, though, we have to honor the physical side of our lives as well, and that means taking action. To hell if conditions aren’t perfect, or if this circumstance isn’t quite ideal or that person isn’t following through the way they said they would. We’ve got to take all these spiritual principles and put them into action.

That’s exactly where a lot of people get stuck, even those with greater awareness and knowledge. You know you want to work out, need to get into better shape for the sake of generating more energy to work your mission. But what step is often the hardest to take? That first one.

Depending how long you had been in your last cycle, getting the ball rolling can feel like pushing a boulder uphill, metaphorically speaking. You need to build the next muscle and final spiritual muscle that separates the successful from those still waiting at the gate: momentum.

Momentum is that force that makes it easier for someone who’s successful to do what’s right than to do what’s wrong. Momentum is that process of getting that snowball moving. The hardest part about working out is getting to the gym.  Once you get there, it’s not that hard to do.

When you’re in motion, that’s when things begin to line up, not before (that goes for you perfectionist!). When in doubt, act. What did everyone else tell you? When in doubt, stop and think about it. No! That’s why I say thinking is dangerous to your wealth!

Most people who I know that got rich didn’t think too much. They saw a piece of property: ‘This looks good. Anything structurally wrong? Environmentally? No? Good, I’ll buy it.’ Twenty years later they’re very rich. They really planned that one out, huh?

Just as an aside, if you’re really “smart,” chances are you’re not going to be really rich. You’re going to get in your way, a real momentum killer. Those who aren’t too “smart” are open to knowing (A) They don’t know everything the need to know to be rich (B) Will learn how to be rich, even if it temporarily hurt’s their pride to know exactly how far off they were to begin with.

A body in motion will remain in motion and a body at rest will remain at rest. What do we want to do? Get into motion! Once you’re there, it gets easier. We already know that. Now we gotta just do it.

What in your life do you just need to get started and adjust as you go? What have you been waiting for? What’s the fear? Is that true or did you just make it up?

You will make it. Trust yourself. Love yourself and know that you make it all up. It’s your freaking story!

Now we want to hear from you! What are some positive momentum-changers that have worked for you?

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When you’re my age and you bring up entertainers who have been doing their thing for decades, you run the risk of dating yourself. But I think it’s safe to say even younger people are familiar with the late comedian George Carlin. He and a Pacifica radio station single-handedly changed Federal Communication Commission policies by letting us know what the seven filthiest words are in the English language.

There is no beating the comic genius of Carlin, but I can take a different track and offer some of the best words we can use to communicate powerfully and effectively, especially when you’re trying to influence someone positively.

These are things that we sort of already know intuitively: when engaging in conversation with friends or strangers alike, you want them to feel like you know where they’re coming from, even if you disagree with them. You want them to feel understood.

Hence, two of the four best words we can use when communicating: I understand.

If you can get into the habit of responding to every communication with the first two words being ‘I understand,’ generally you will disarm 80% of any negative or resistant energy right there and then. Even if you don’t understand, you say, “Can you clarify that for me just a little bit more?” It’s all about listening, yes? Make them feel heard and understood. Once you’re past that stage, work on the convincing part next.

What else have we instinctively learned about what to say? Well, what don’t you want to say after you’ve repeated back what the other person said yet you don’t agree with it? The dreaded ‘but.’ What usually happens when you say, “Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but …” You know. The other person gets that impatient or irritated look, like you just negated everything they were talking about even though you almost had them convinced that you knew where they were coming from.

The answer is as simple as replacing ‘but’ with ‘and.’ “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, and here’s something else I was thinking about in addition to that.” It’s as easy as that.

Now what’s that last ‘nice’ word? It’s something that helps us identify with others while still also distinguishing our point of view, without making the other person feel like they’re being distinguished away from you. So instead of saying, “You have a ways to go,” you say ‘we.’

“You know, sometimes we as people have a tendency to make snap judgments even though we don’t have all the facts just yet.” That’s a nice way of telling someone they’re being short-sighted or pig-headed without making them feel bad about it. That’s a great tool in leadership or for anyone who displays openness to being educated.

The beauty of this exercise is that you don’t have to take mine or anyone’s word for it. Experiment with these four words consciously for the next week or so. Notice any differences in how people in your life react to you? Are you able to bring your perspective to others more effectively, or outright convince other people toward your point of view? Can’t wait to hear how it goes for you!