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<\/p>\nHave you ever noticed that there’s a part of our mind that keeps complete control over us? Yet this part of our brain also seems disconnected from us. You say things to yourself like, \u201cI know I shouldn\u2019t beat myself up about making a mistake,\u201d but then you do it anyway, and it makes you feel worse. These thoughts and behaviors stem from negative thinking \u2014 and they won’t help you become successful.<\/p>\n
Does anybody see a problem with this? Negative thinking happens all the time, and it presents a unique problem: You cannot win at this kind of conversation. There\u2019s no debate. It\u2019s got you. When you enter into a conversation between the mind, you will lose.<\/p>\n
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Stop the conversation. It\u2019s not about thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s okay, I made a mistake,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re a bad person for missing (blank).\u201d Instead, just cancel the conversation.<\/p>\n
You may say to me, \u201cHarv, you don\u2019t understand. I didn\u2019t do what I said I was going to do. Therefore, I want to improve.\u201d Stop! Remove yourself from the conversation.<\/p>\n
\u201cHarv, where should I focus my attention, if not that conversation?\u201d<\/p>\n
Take it step by step. What are you doing right now? \u201cI was on my computer. I was doing my emails, and this one thing came up, and I realized I hadn\u2019t done ____.\u201d Stop.<\/p>\n
Go back to your email later, or go to a different email and come back to this one when you\u2019re ready to drop the whip. Only then can you just say, \u201cI didn\u2019t do that, so I\u2019ll do it tomorrow.\u201d This is a more forgiving mindset, and it’s also more productive. Whips don\u2019t work.<\/p>\n
Next, you need to begin a new habit. This should be something that relaxes you \u2014 something that takes your mind off of what you did or didn\u2019t do today, or yesterday, or five years ago, or whatever.<\/p>\n
You could say, \u201cI really need to do my yoga and 15 minutes of stretching every morning. That\u2019s something I really need to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Let me tell you what will happen. For the first day you\u2019re going to say, \u201cWay to go! You said you were going to do it, and you did it. You kept your word. You\u2019re a warrior. You\u2019re awesome!\u201d<\/p>\n
Now you say, \u201cThis is really good. I\u2019m going to do it another day.\u201d The next day you do your yoga once again. What do you say to yourself this time? \u201cGood job. Very good. That\u2019s great. What else do I have going on here?\u201d<\/p>\n
The third day you do your yoga for 15 minutes. What does your mind say?<\/p>\n
Your mind says, \u201cThat\u2019s great you did your yoga, but you didn\u2019t send that email you were supposed to send. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that? You never do what you say you\u2019re going to do. What is the matter with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Similarly, the one day of yoga you miss out of the next 10 days, your mind is going to beat the crap out of you, too. Do you see what\u2019s happening here? You forget about everything you’ve accomplished because of one small setback.<\/p>\n
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The whole conversation sucks. Just let go of the conversation, and give your attention to the present moment \u2014 remember your new habit! Really commit to giving your attention to something positive.<\/p>\n
In one of my camps when I\u2019m teaching, I put on a headlamp. When you shut off the lights, it shines in a certain area. Similarly, that\u2019s what we need to do. We need to focus our attention on new, healthy habits.<\/p>\n
When you’re stuck in that useless self-conversation, you\u2019re focusing your attention on your mistakes, your problems, or what you didn\u2019t do. Instead, move your head and shine your light on something that you did really well.<\/p>\n
You might say, \u201cI didn\u2019t do anything really well.\u201d Did you get up this morning? Yes. Okay, you did that pretty well. That\u2019s a good thing. While it may seem small, a lot of people didn\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s one other thing? \u201cI made my kid breakfast.\u201d That\u2019s wonderful. That\u2019s a good thing. What\u2019s one thing that\u2019s going right for you? \u201cI\u2019m doing pretty decent in my badminton.\u201d That\u2019s great.<\/p>\n
Remember, you can’t beat negative thinking outright. The only way to win the conversation is to not be in it. Take a nice, deep breath and focus on something positive.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the conversation you\u2019ve been having with yourself these days? What\u2019s your best strategy to stop negative thinking? Share your thoughts… we want to hear from you!<\/strong><\/p>\n
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