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Split the Difference

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With so much turmoil going on in the world today, sometimes it can seem too selfish to think about personal riches while so many struggle for basics. This is a feeling I experienced periodically throughout my life—that flip-flop between getting rich as an unqualified goal and wanting to get rid of it all and retreat to a temple or something, or otherwise reject the idea of staying rich.

I’ve made it and lost it. I went from being rich to ‘money is not the most important thing in life’ and ‘why would you put that much focus on it?’ Honestly, I used to think this was a curse. It’s like I had this split personality where one side was about being an entrepreneur and focusing on finances. But I had this other part of me that just wanted to be at the monastery, meditate and eat in silence.

It took me years to figure out that neither extreme was really me. Sometimes it takes success to understand success in itself is not enough. I had to win and lose, tune out and turn on in order to learn that when you reach your first big goal, joyousness, gratitude, and satisfaction don’t just automatically jump on for the ride.

There has to be an intention for these intangibles, and that means knowing what makes you joyous, grateful and satisfied—where money has nothing to do with it. The money only takes it to a whole other level. So discovering these things about yourself certainly does require asking yourself quality questions—or in my world, that and some soul searching.

There’s an eloquent balance between wealth and spirituality that I can now fully embrace, as should we all. For the spiritual-minded in a world of such disparity, consider yourself blessed to have an interest in that and in financial success. Be the fortunate one to put the two together and help other people know that they can be rich and spiritual too. You can be rich and a good person with intentions that consider others.

If spirituality doesn’t ring true for you, throw that out the window anyways. Both riches at any costs and “money doesn’t matter” are two extremes that simply don’t work. They didn’t work for me, and I can’t think of anyone I know who can survive either over the long haul. Intend to split the difference. Balance is beautiful.

Now I look at my duality as a blessing, thanking my stars for the successes and failures, those swings from hermit to world conqueror. You can have your goals, and when you achieve them acknowledge yourself and be thrilled, but there better be something else bringing you joy in your life, or you can end up psyching yourself out of success.

Bank riches without inner riches is a bank account waiting to see itself dwindle, because you’ll look for other ways to use that money to fill a hole that it can never fill—even if that means consciously or unconsciously getting rid of it.

Do you have any stories of having a bunch only to lose it willfully? What was it that finally made you realize the money wasn’t enough, and what did you do to get that sense of real satisfaction? What was the particular lesson you can share with the rest of the Millionaire Mind community? We want to hear from you!

Be Right or Be Happy

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If you’ve ever related to another human being, you’ve probably experienced this.

You’re having a discussion with someone, and he or she says something you know as a matter of fact to be absolutely false. You can politely challenge this person’s inaccuracy, but most people don’t want to be wrong, and many others have a hard time admitting it. It’s human nature, our inner-fear mechanism adapted to today’s insecurities rather than the old “fight or flight” days. But depending on who you’re talking to, proving to somebody that they are wrong can get awkward if the people involved take it too personally.

Even when all evidence points to them being wrong, some people will stubbornly hang on to their views because they’d rather be right and comfortable in being wrong rather than risk the discomfort of having to assimilate new information into their worldview.

As a matter of fact, the people who are the most righteous are usually the most miserable people on this earth anyway, aren’t they? The ones who always have to be right are usually just taking their insecurities and unhappiness out on others, yes or yes?

Being right doesn’t always mean being happy, but if we’re happy it doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong. Being right isn’t as important a consideration when you’re secure and focused. The only thing that’s important is: will the experience move me toward a result that I believe will support my happiness? That will mean being wrong sometimes, but we have to experience this in order to learn how to get it right, and then get happier.

Be right or be happy. Now replace the word “rich” with “happy.” Does that change the meaning of the phrase any? Not one bit! You can be right or you can be rich; it’s still a choice. Being right could mean holding on to old ways that aren’t supportive of being rich; unconscious blueprints, programming and conditioning that links negative thoughts to money. The more you decide that you want to be right, the more you’ve decided that you can pretty well kiss away being rich, not just financially but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally too. You can be right or you can be rich.

Money is a really blessed thing, and if you have the where-with-all to be able to earn or have a lot of it, you have an advantage over a situation; a gift, talent, skill or way of being that is actually a little different than most people out there. At that point, who needs to be right?!? The quality of your life is all the proof you need.

That doesn’t mean compromising your good sense to someone because of their inflexibility, but happy people don’t need to prove anything. They figured out that along the way, you have to be wrong at least occasionally in order to learn how to get it right. I’d rather be wrong and learn something that will benefit me later than “right” and learn nothing—and maybe get someone PO’d at me for being a smart-ass!

Do you have any stories of something that seemed like a disaster but actually turned out to be one of the greatest gifts you’ve ever received? An occasion where you were actually glad that you were wrong? We want to hear from you!

The Four Nicest Words

Jumping Over a Challenge to Achieve Success

When you’re my age and you bring up entertainers who have been doing their thing for decades, you run the risk of dating yourself. But I think it’s safe to say even younger people are familiar with the late comedian George Carlin. He and a Pacifica radio station single-handedly changed Federal Communication Commission policies by letting us know what the seven filthiest words are in the English language.

There is no beating the comic genius of Carlin, but I can take a different track and offer some of the best words we can use to communicate powerfully and effectively, especially when you’re trying to influence someone positively.

These are things that we sort of already know intuitively: when engaging in conversation with friends or strangers alike, you want them to feel like you know where they’re coming from, even if you disagree with them. You want them to feel understood.

Hence, two of the four best words we can use when communicating: I understand.

If you can get into the habit of responding to every communication with the first two words being ‘I understand,’ generally you will disarm 80% of any negative or resistant energy right there and then. Even if you don’t understand, you say, “Can you clarify that for me just a little bit more?” It’s all about listening, yes? Make them feel heard and understood. Once you’re past that stage, work on the convincing part next.

What else have we instinctively learned about what to say? Well, what don’t you want to say after you’ve repeated back what the other person said yet you don’t agree with it? The dreaded ‘but.’ What usually happens when you say, “Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but …” You know. The other person gets that impatient or irritated look, like you just negated everything they were talking about even though you almost had them convinced that you knew where they were coming from.

The answer is as simple as replacing ‘but’ with ‘and.’ “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, and here’s something else I was thinking about in addition to that.” It’s as easy as that.

Now what’s that last ‘nice’ word? It’s something that helps us identify with others while still also distinguishing our point of view, without making the other person feel like they’re being distinguished away from you. So instead of saying, “You have a ways to go,” you say ‘we.’

“You know, sometimes we as people have a tendency to make snap judgments even though we don’t have all the facts just yet.” That’s a nice way of telling someone they’re being short-sighted or pig-headed without making them feel bad about it. That’s a great tool in leadership or for anyone who displays openness to being educated.

The beauty of this exercise is that you don’t have to take mine or anyone’s word for it. Experiment with these four words consciously for the next week or so. Notice any differences in how people in your life react to you? Are you able to bring your perspective to others more effectively, or outright convince other people toward your point of view? Can’t wait to hear how it goes for you!

Greater Expectations

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A lot of people lower their expectations for fear of disappointment, yes? After all, if you don’t expect much, the worst that can happen is you won’t be too disillusioned when things don’t turn out the way you expect them to, and the best that can happen is you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

What if we were to apply that principle to business? There’s this so-called “conventional wisdom”: Under-promise and over-deliver. If your customer or client doesn’t expect much because you weren’t trying to sell them the moon, then they can only be satisfied with whatever you deliver that was expected, if not pleasantly surprised that you gave them more. That seems reasonable, right?

Wrong! When it comes to marketing your product or service, if you under-promise there won’t be anybody to deliver to! Who’d be interested? No one wants to hear, “What I have to offer is okay.” They want to hear, “This’ll knock your socks off!”

I’ve heard the typical response more times than I can count. ‘Well I don’t want to promise something I can’t deliver.’ Who said anything about over-promising? We’re talking about making a big promise. And when you do it, then yeah, it’d be a great idea to keep it, so make sure it’s something you can indeed deliver.

But people understate themselves because they don’t want to appear cocky, or conceded, or because they want to be “realistic.” A lot of the time, it’s just the usual suspect at play—fear. When you make a big promise, the pressure is on to come up with the goods at the highest level.

If you put a big promise out there, it’s going to put the pressure on you in a positive way to be your best.

Today’s reality is that consumers and the marketplace are changing at lightning speed. It doesn’t take much for a prospect’s attention to go elsewhere. If you don’t tell customers why they should buy from you, but your competitors do … then guess who gets the customers?

You start by examining why you’re starting your business to begin with (Focus!). What was missing in that market that you promised to fix? What’s your product or service’s single most important attribute? What makes it unique? What emotions do you want your customers to feel when they use your product?

We have to start with expecting more from ourselves. We can do more, be more, achieve more, even if we haven’t got all the answers now. We may have let someone or ourselves down at some point before. It’s okay. We know better now, yes?

Get in the Game

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If you get a chance, see this movie on DVD called “The Blind Side.” Watching it recently reminded me of some of the core values and principles we’ve been looking at lately.

It’s a true story about a kid from Memphis who had—to put it mildly—an extremely tough childhood through no fault of his own. But he had two things going for himself. First, he was huge, which made him attractive to high school sports coaches. But also, when most others saw him as unintelligent, a caring teacher identified his greatest aptitude: his instinctive ability to protect others.

He was eventually adopted by a wealthy family who helped him get stabilized and properly educated, but everyone was dying to see what he could do on a football field as on offensive lineman. What better place for a painfully shy kid to show of his greatest ability, right?

Problem was he had never played any organized sports. So he’s out there holding the defensive guys (which is a penalty), picking them up and carrying them down the field (another penalty), anything and everything accept the right way to protect his teammates—if the defense wasn’t simply running around him and smearing his offensive guys.

According to the movie at least, his adopted mom pulled him aside in practice one day and connected his natural protective instinct with the emotion of protecting his team as he would his adopted family, whom he came to love a great deal. Once that connection stuck, he became an unstoppable machine. Heavily recruited, he could’ve gone to virtually any college he wanted. Today he’s a pro football star.

His story illustrates something important that we have to get straight in business and in life: Get in the Game! Have you ever had a good idea about a business or a project or something, but you didn’t feel like you knew enough about it, or you didn’t feel like you were really proficient at it, or that you weren’t ready? What ended up happening? My guess is you said, ‘I’ll wait,’ and you never did it, yes or yes?

It’d be great to get things right the first time, but how often does that actually happen? Whatever it is we’re good at, we can always get better. In fact, we have to if we want to be successful in the long term.

The young man highlighted above, Michael Oher (pronounced oar), could’ve been a high-ranking officer or soldier, a policeman, a social worker, bodyguard to the stars—all sorts of paths could have yielded high success and happiness just by him using his natural protective instinct and physical abilities. And he had just about everything working against him from the day he was born.

But it wasn’t just the material resources of his adopted family that saved him. He could have easily walked into that socially and culturally shocking environment, been offered opportunities most kids in situations like his will never have, and said, “No thanks.” Or he could’ve given up, but he didn’t. He made a choice to get in the game and stay there.

Not every story of success has to be about multi-millionaires. People are overcoming adversity everyday, in ways big or small. Do you know any true stories of people overcoming misfortune and finding success? What’s your story? We want to hear from you!