How Negative Thinking is Holding You Back

Have you ever noticed that there’s a part of our mind that keeps complete control over us? Yet this part of our brain also seems disconnected from us. You say things to yourself like, “I know I shouldn’t beat myself up about making a mistake,” but then you do it anyway, and it makes you feel worse. These thoughts and behaviors stem from negative thinking — and they won’t help you become successful.

How To Beat Negative Thinking At Its Own Game

Does anybody see a problem with this? Negative thinking happens all the time, and it presents a unique problem: You cannot win at this kind of conversation. There’s no debate. It’s got you. When you enter into a conversation between the mind, you will lose.

How To Break Out Of Negative Thinking

Stop the conversation. It’s not about thinking, “It’s okay, I made a mistake,” or “You’re a bad person for missing (blank).” Instead, just cancel the conversation.

You may say to me, “Harv, you don’t understand. I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. Therefore, I want to improve.” Stop! Remove yourself from the conversation.

“Harv, where should I focus my attention, if not that conversation?”

Take it step by step. What are you doing right now? “I was on my computer. I was doing my emails, and this one thing came up, and I realized I hadn’t done ____.” Stop.

Go back to your email later, or go to a different email and come back to this one when you’re ready to drop the whip. Only then can you just say, “I didn’t do that, so I’ll do it tomorrow.” This is a more forgiving mindset, and it’s also more productive. Whips don’t work.

Find A New Habit

Next, you need to begin a new habit. This should be something that relaxes you — something that takes your mind off of what you did or didn’t do today, or yesterday, or five years ago, or whatever.

You could say, “I really need to do my yoga and 15 minutes of stretching every morning. That’s something I really need to do.”

Let me tell you what will happen. For the first day you’re going to say, “Way to go! You said you were going to do it, and you did it. You kept your word. You’re a warrior. You’re awesome!”

Now you say, “This is really good. I’m going to do it another day.” The next day you do your yoga once again. What do you say to yourself this time? “Good job. Very good. That’s great. What else do I have going on here?”

The third day you do your yoga for 15 minutes. What does your mind say?

Your mind says, “That’s great you did your yoga, but you didn’t send that email you were supposed to send. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that? You never do what you say you’re going to do. What is the matter with you?”

Similarly, the one day of yoga you miss out of the next 10 days, your mind is going to beat the crap out of you, too. Do you see what’s happening here? You forget about everything you’ve accomplished because of one small setback.

Change Your Focus

The whole conversation sucks. Just let go of the conversation, and give your attention to the present moment — remember your new habit! Really commit to giving your attention to something positive.

In one of my camps when I’m teaching, I put on a headlamp. When you shut off the lights, it shines in a certain area. Similarly, that’s what we need to do. We need to focus our attention on new, healthy habits.

When you’re stuck in that useless self-conversation, you’re focusing your attention on your mistakes, your problems, or what you didn’t do. Instead, move your head and shine your light on something that you did really well.

You might say, “I didn’t do anything really well.” Did you get up this morning? Yes. Okay, you did that pretty well. That’s a good thing. While it may seem small, a lot of people didn’t do that.

What’s one other thing? “I made my kid breakfast.” That’s wonderful. That’s a good thing. What’s one thing that’s going right for you? “I’m doing pretty decent in my badminton.” That’s great.

Remember, you can’t beat negative thinking outright. The only way to win the conversation is to not be in it. Take a nice, deep breath and focus on something positive.

What’s the conversation you’ve been having with yourself these days? What’s your best strategy to stop negative thinking? Share your thoughts… we want to hear from you!

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