Making connections that are meaningful requires some effort on your part. Find out how creating affinity, establishing common ground, and avoiding the word “but” can help you network and create relationships.
Commit to Making Connections With People Around You
The time and date are set. You made sure you arrived early because you wanted to do everything you could to make a good first impression. It’s your favorite “after-work” haunt so you’ll feel right at home.
You’ve rehearsed your intro, keeping things light and hopefully funny, but you’re anticipating the words that’ll give you an opportunity to really get the conversation going. At the end of the day, though, you just hope you like them and they like you.
Sounds like going out on a first date, yes? My partner and I “date” as much as we can, but a first date has been so long for me I’m not sure I’m the guy you want dating advice from!
I do know something about creating great first impressions with potential clients or business partners. Just like any other human connection, there are things we can do to give ourselves a chance of making a great impression and set ourselves up to get what we’re looking for.
Tips for Making a Great First Impression
1. Most of the top marketers in the world hardly ever talk about product! They talk to get people to like them, so when the moment comes the selling is easier.
2. The one thing that’s critical for everything in life—not just in negotiations but in making connections with anyone—is to create affinity. Affinity is closeness, warmth, and likability. People generally act based on emotion (something to remember when marketing!), and then they justify their decisions with logic.
In other words, people will usually give a much better opportunity to someone they like.
I’m not talking about flattering and butt-kissing. That’s fake affinity. More than likely most people will sniff that out and get turned off quickly. Genuine affinity means genuinely intending to make an honest and real connection with the other person.
3. We do it all the time and probably don’t think about it much: finding something in common. I’m like you is another way of saying I like you. Take this to another level by stating your intention for a win-win situation early and often. It’s as simple as saying something like, “I want to make sure this works for you.”
4. Also, think about how disempowering the word “but” can be in a conversation. Think about what it feels like when you are trying to get your point of view across to someone, and they respond by saying, “Yeah, but …” It’s as if everything you just said was negated. It stings. Avoid “buts”.
These things work great for when you’re trying to convince your partner to see the movie you want to see, or get your kids to eat their vegetables, or get a vendor to give you the pricing you’re looking for.
There is another level to this, though, a spiritual warrior component. Your intention has to be genuine caring for what the other person wants, and the focus and confidence to know that you can create the win-win. How Zen can you get?
Over the next week or so, use due discretion and try making connections with strangers if the moment is appropriate. You don’t have to try to “get” something from them. Just create affinity. Use phrases that show you understand. If you disagree, make your point without saying “but”. Do this with people that you know! Let us know what happens!
UP NEXT: Practice Learning from Mistakes and Embracing Uncertainty
Hayet says
I like it…thank you
Janet Gordon says
I like the affirmations here with people. My kids say I could talk to anyone …and I do. When out shopping..getting gas…coffee…or helping a stranger with a bad day…im conversing. Laughing at myself out loud or laughing through a rough spot. Most of the time people respond to conversation. Now I just learned a few more great tips!! Thanks and peace out!
Emmanuel says
Thanks for the inspiration.
That’s a great idea and I think it applies to every walk of life whenever we want to create great relationship with the people we meet in our everyday life…
Jessica says
Thank you Harv!! That is a great blog. I enjoyed reading it and I feel inspired. This is what I am working on now with marketing my relatively new company. Very helpful.
Great that it works with getting kids to eat veggies! Haha! 🙂
Have a fabulous day!
Tee says
Love it. Thank you Harv. I am reading your blog almost everyday now 🙂
Maite Arbonés says
Hello, my Dear Harv <3
Sorry for my silency because I'm have a time a litlle complicated, complicated since I was again immersed in a situation where I have been twice before, and fortunately I learned from my mistakes and this time I feel, that from my Peace, my Calm, my "Loneliness", my " Quiet "and my strong connection to the Center of my Being (my Spirit), only and only from there could transcend. flow, solve and contribute.
I worked as a team of course !! Because I have felt again to all those Great Warriors of Light that are in me, next to me, and that they accompany me and help me. Even so, the situation that I have had to live again (because the invasion, threats, etc., etc.) came back again before throwing myself with my sword and my horse after making Mr. (to call him somehow) Trump to remember the legacy that his mother had left him, and hoped he would think a little about it, since it was a Sacred legacy which he was not fulfilling .. "Blame me" for doing it .. or not .. but I felt from the depths of my Being that should do it, since it was necessary to stop the Stupidity of Egos that was being created, leading the United States to a War, which obviously for my Being made no sense! 🙁
From there, other types of attacks began, not only personal but also terrorists, first in Barcelona, as you know, and then in Cambrils (Tarragona) where I have my little house on the beach (putting Red Alert Lleida) the city in where I live … and where I have already lived twice that terrible experience not only of personal threats, taking away everything, but also within my family, as for example, people go (not dire, race nor regilion but height) of almost two meters to my parents' house (which have 88a) to intimidate them .. in short .. without words, because I do not want to talk too much and because I already send you an email where I explained,
And this time, obviously, I threw myself on my horse (metaphorically speaking) on the Net, when I saw that Israel. (I love Israel, because years ago, when I was in serious and very dangerous problems, they were the ones who protected me, took care of me, and called me almost every day to find out about me, even now I still have relationships with Israel, Jerusalem , since almost every day or very habitually, we are connected via email, since they write to me from the University of Jerusalem itself, of which, even, like three years ago I sent a title from there for my achievements ..) although this Once, as I say, since in the previous two times, I felt, I saw. and they sent me links and threatening photos of people who knew that I was in my "team" and obviously this time, I did not want to put anyone in any kind of danger or risk .. even so, I put the focus on my which I have already been threatened and even targeted physically several times and I did not care to die for the cause) but again, it expanded, not only my Family, but the entire City 🙁
Even so, I felt at the bottom of my Being / Spirit, that this time I had to do well, since the previous lessons were very hard, and consequently also the lessons I had if or what to learn ..
I am very self-demanding with what I imagine I will never feel completely satisfied with the work done during these last months. Still, if it is true that I can and I am satisfied with all that I have been able to achieve, and for Courage, Valentia, Knowledge, Attitude, Wisdom and Strengths that I had to accept to be able to transcend the Fear within the Fear, and even, in some moments, not only the fear was fear, but Panico that obviamene alone and only from my Being could transmute not to respond with Resentment or Violence, but from the same Peace, Love and Truth.
With what now, and still, not feeling totally free (since I got all my money I asked for in my bank credit of 15,000 €) as a measure of pressure leaving me in red numbers, when I have many things to pay and obviously a daughter and a grandchild who economically depend directly and exclusively on me! 🙁 It is clear, that we can not / can feel / feel totally totally free in this sense since I am still feeling depressed of course! 🙁
I feel that I am explaining all this to you in a very brief and maybe a little quick way, and it may take a while to understand .. I apologize for it 🙁
Only, I can tell you, if I was really looking for the Purpose of my Life, based on smacks, I think I found it, because this is and must be my Purpose in this Life, in which I was born as a girl of Grace, and more that a Purpose of Life, is and will be, A Great High Purpose for this Life, in which I desire to bring Love, Peace, Calm, Solidarity, Brotherhood, personal / spiritual NO judgment, dissolve the multitude of religions creating only ONE, that of Love, Forgiveness, Solidarity and Evolution to create a much better World.
With always and forever, my Eternal Love! <3
Maite Arbones
abidemi says
very insightful, thank you
Carlos Alonso says
Muchas gracias Harv por compartir tus conocimientos. Soy nuevo en el mercadeo en red y estoy muy agradecido por tus consejos. Los voy a poner en práctica desde hoy mismo y seguro de que me van a traer excelentes resultados. Gracias a Dios leí tu libro Los Secretos De La Mente Millonaria, y por consecuencia me encuentro en este momento acá aprendiendo cada día más y escribiendo estas palabras de agradecimiento
DIOS TE BENDIGA