It’s saddening to see many of my students struggle with loved ones while they themselves experience transformation and joy as a result of our courses or coaching. Everyone’s on their own journey toward self growth, but it’s still hard to watch people unnecessarily slow down their own growth due to someone else.
Persevering with Self Growth and Pushing Past Resistance
So many people have partners that are not on the same path when it comes to self growth. Whether it be learning, growing, goals, or intentions, they’ve unintentionally surrounded themselves with people who don’t support their personal development. It’s very tough. This is a huge challenge for many.
One of the things I say to people about our courses and programs is this: “I know for an absolute 1,000% fact that we can change your life. Let us teach you. Do what we teach, and it’ll work.” I mean what I say, and I’ve seen it work hundreds of times.
However, what I can’t control is your environment and who’s around you. These are the people I mentioned above, those who are trying to drag you back down from what we build. It’s a very hard problem for us in our business. It’s like we’re throwing you the life preserver and pulling you in, but there’s a crocodile that keeps on trying to pull you down underneath the water.
Remember, as much as I want my teaching to prevail, environment is stronger than willpower.
Criticism Comes from Fear
It’s easy for a person that’s not doing what you’re doing — and who sees your self growth — to try to bring you back down to their level. They do this so they don’t feel bad about themselves being lower. Instead of being happy for you, they’re thinking: it’s easier to bring you back down to my level than for me to try to get up to yours.
Consequently, they say things like, “You know what you’re doing is really useless. I don’t know what those courses are all about. That doesn’t work anyway. What are you trying to do, ruin our relationship? Who do you think you are anyhow? Who do you think you’re going to be, the next Rockefeller?”
They’ve got all these ways of trying to diss you, criticize you, and demonize you. It can be surprising watching the people we love denounce our self growth and suddenly turn hostile. However, you have to remember that all of this negativity comes from their fear.
They’re afraid that they’ll lose you; afraid that they’re not good enough anymore; and afraid that they don’t feel good about themselves anymore in comparison to you.
The Effects It’s Had on My Students
I used to have one student, believe it or not, whose husband got ill every time there happened to be a course coming up. It was unbelievable. After three courses, I said, “This is an old story. What’s with your husband?” She said, “I don’t know. He just happens to be ill.”
I advised her to confront him. She did, telling him that she didn’t believe for a moment that he was doing this intentionally, but that something had to change. She was right. He wasn’t doing it maliciously, but he also couldn’t stop.
That’s why, when he got sick for the fourth time, she hired someone to come over and stay with him. Then she came to the course. Lo and behold, he never got sick again. It was all subconscious.
The bottom line is you can’t let yourself be taken down.
Breaking Free from Unsupportive People
If you want to keep these people from dragging you down, you have to be firm. First, do not argue with them. Just say, “Okay. I understand your point. Thank you for sharing that,” and then simply keep going. Keep participating in programs and keep doing what you’re doing.
Second, invite them, but don’t pressure them. Invite them in a way that makes them want to come. Don’t convince them. Maybe they’ll find something within the seminar that resonates with them and finally dispels that fear. At the very least, they’ll understand more of what you’re doing. Sometimes that’s enough to vanquish their other fears.
If they show resistance, offer or ask for it as a birthday present! “I want — for my birthday — for you and I to go to a training together. Would you do that for me?” They’re not going to say no when you offer it or ask for it as a present.
Remember, You Don’t Have to Lose Them
The point is that this kind of conflict comes up all the time among my students. That’s why I know that it can become a tremendous source of anxiety and tension, particularly if the relationship is already tense.
No one wants to have to consider hurting or risking isolation from their love ones, especially when we know we have to keep on pursuing our self growth no matter what. With these two simple tools in mind, you don’t have to. Instead, you can share your journey with your loved ones and prosper together!
This story is all too familiar. Give us yours. Have you had people who tried to stop your self growth? Did you confront them? We want to hear from you!
For Your Freedom,
I prevent this from happening, partly by keeping my goals to myself and do more action than talking, partly by being prepared to let go of any element in my life that would ever get in my way. I’m 100% committed to my goals, so I’m not gonna let anything — or, indeed, anyone — stop me from working towards, them.
This doesn’t mean I’d immediately disown anyone who questioned my personal development. It means I’d explain my situation to them the best I could, and if ultimately it didn’t work out, I’d be ready to do whatever necessary to neutralize the friction they create.
It may sound kinda harsh and dramatic. But like I said, I’m 100% committed to my goals, and in principle, that means I’m willing to give up friends and family, should it ever come to that.
Fortunately though, they all tend to be supportive. 🙂