Why Happiness May Not Be Around The Corner

artwork of two men thinking about sunshine and rain

The first principle of Buddhism is that “All life is suffering.” If the Buddha were a stand-up comedian explaining this concept today, I think he’d say something along the line of, “Sh*t happens!”

Lots of people focus on problems, on the negative, on what’s not working. The simple truth is that what we focus on expands. If you focus on what’s going wrong in your life, you will get more of what’s wrong in your life. If you focus more on what’s going right in your life, you’ll get more of what’s right.

Everything is energy.

Wayne Dyer puts it bluntly. He says, “A lot of people do personal work on their shit.” These kinds of people walk down the street and see a lump of it. What do they do? Not only do they step in it, but also have to kick it around, stick their noses in face in it, smell it, be in it.

Why not notice it and just walk around it, or go get a shovel and try to clean it up as best as you can? Do you have to clean up every piece of crap in your life in order to be happy?

So many people say, “Once I handle this challenge or problem, then I’m going to be happy.”

Here’s a big hint, folks: If you think like that, you’re never going to be happy. If your relationship is going great, there’ll be some issues in your business. Maybe someone’s suing you. Then that gets resolved and your relationship gets messed up. Or someone calls and says your house is burning down. Or your kid gets arrested.

Reality check: Not everything has to be going well in life in order for you to be happy.

Here’s what you do to really let this lesson sink in:

1. Show Your Appreciation & Gratitude. Make a list of 10 (that’s right, TEN, at least 10) things that you are appreciative of that’s going good in your life right now. If you can’t think of 10, then you’re focusing too much on the crap. Maybe you’re not living in the kind of home you want to be living in. But if you have a roof over your head, guess what? Millions of homeless people in the coldest regions of this country don’t have that. Maybe you hate your job, but there are others who aren’t even employed. Be grateful for the little and big things that are working in your life, always with an eye on where you want to be, what you know you can improve upon.

2. Redefine Success. What does success really mean to you? Think about this. If success means, “ …when I have $1 million in my bank account,” how are you going to feel until then? If success means, “…when I find an intimate relationship that lights my fire,” what does that say about how you should feel about yourself if it’s not happening now? Remember, if you’re waiting for some “big” thing to happen in order to be happy, that’s a dog chasing its tail. No one can tell you how to define success and happiness for yourself. Yet consider small, attainable goals as big wins. “Tomorrow, I will play with my kid from 8:00 to 8:30 and nothing will stop me.” If you can’t find happiness in the little things…

3. Action Items. Now create a list of three actions for today or tomorrow. In fact, stretch yourself to seven if you can (the maximum number we can reasonably focus on without scattering our energy). Remember: small, attainable goals and maybe mix a couple “big ticket” goals. Get on that coaching call. Sign up for that workshop. Make goal attainment a daily commitment.

By showing gratitude, redefining success and creating small, attainable goals for yourself, you are setting yourself up to make more money. You are going to be 5, 10 and 100 times as successful. Why?

This gives you confidence and strength of spirit. You know that when you say you will do something, it will be done. You will execute what is in front of you, and you won’t let shit stand in your way. But most of all, you can’t appreciate the big stuff that comes with success later if you can’t be grateful for the small stuff now.

Communicate how much you appreciate the people in your life who add love, humor, knowledge, wisdom, value… anything that makes your life great right now. Communicate this to the universe, whatever that means for you. Focus your energy on what’s good and what’s right.

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To Your Success,