Don’t Stop Growing: Here Are Two Simple Tools to Handle Resistance from Loved Ones While You Grow
It’s saddening to see many of my students’ struggle with loved ones while they themselves experience transformation and joy as a result of our courses or coaching. Everyone’s on their own journey, it’s just still hard to watch.
So many people have partners that are not on the same path when it comes to learning, growing, goals, intentions, etc., and especially personal development. It’s very tough. This is a huge challenge for many.
One of the things I say to people about our courses and programs is, “I know for an absolute 1,000% fact that we can change your life. Let us teach you, do what we teach, and it’ll work.”
What I can’t control is your environment and who’s around you; the people that are trying to drag you back down from what we build. It’s a very hard problem for us in our business. It’s like we’re throwing you the life preserver and pulling you in, but there’s a crocodile that keeps on trying to pull you down underneath the water.
Remember, environment is stronger than willpower.
It’s easy for a person that’s not doing what you’re doing–and who sees some change in you–to try to bring you back down to their level so that they don’t feel bad about themselves being lower. Instead of being happy for you, they’re thinking, “It’s easier to bring you back down to my level than for me to try to get up to yours.”
“You know what you’re doing is really useless. I don’t know what those courses are all about. That doesn’t work anyway. What are you trying to do, ruin our relationship? Who do you think you are anyhow? Who do you think you’re going to be, the next Rockefeller?”
They’ve got all these ways of trying to diss you, criticize you and demonize you. All that is one word—fear.
It’s fear that they’re going to lose you; fear that they’re not good enough anymore; and fear that they don’t feel good about themselves anymore in comparison to you.
I used to have one student, believe it or not, whose husband got ill every time there happened to be a course coming up. It was unbelievable. After three courses, I said, “This is an old story. What’s with your husband?” She said, “I don’t know. He just happens to be ill.”
I advised her to confront him. She did, telling him that she didn’t believe for a moment that he was doing this intentionally, and she was right. He didn’t know why either.
The fourth time, guess what happened? He got sick again, she hired someone to come over and stay with him, and she came to the course. Lo and behold, he never got sick again. It was all subconscious.
The bottom line is to not let yourself be taken down. How do you do that?
First, do not argue with them. Just say, “Okay. I understand your point. Thank you for sharing that,” and then just keep going. Keep participating in programs and keep doing what you’re doing.
Second, invite them, but don’t pressure them. Invite them in a way that makes them want to come. Don’t convince them.
Offer or ask for it as a birthday present! “I want–for my birthday–for you and I to go to a training together. Would you do that for me?” They’re not going to say no whether you offer it as a present or ask for it as a present. Works as fantastic gifts for kids too!
Your loved ones will be doing it for you. They’re not even thinking about what they’re going to learn. They’re just going to negate that, but then when they get there, they might resonate with it.
Or maybe not, but there’s always a shot.
The point is this kind of conflict comes up all the time among my students. It can become a tremendous source of anxiety and tension, especially if the relationship is already tense (quite often around … you guessed it, money!).
No one wants to have to consider hurting or risking isolation from their love ones, especially when we know we have to keep on pursuing our growth no matter what. With these two simple tools in mind, you don’t have to.
Share your journey with your loved ones and prosper together!
This story is all too familiar. Give us yours. We want to hear from you!
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This is awesome since I read your book, the joy and the peace I have in me is amazing thank you so much sir , when are you coming to new York area please let me know and is there any book you can recommend to me to read as well, I want to be a business man, is there any advice you can give me, I appreciate you sir, I’m following you seriously I want you to know that thanks
These advices are vey useful because it is important to have positive and entrepreneur people with a lot of faith around us, especially the ones who we love most. If it sometimes seems they are going dawn for whatever reason we have the enough stength and spiritual knowledge to encourage them and raise them up.
Harv, it is so true what you are describing: my husband is sabotaging my developpement, he became really my enemi shouting all the time in a very aggressive way. As you have mentioned there is an issue with money and also I have a dissabeld daughter who needs my help and support! I am struggeling since 21 years for her with a lot of success…she is doing each month better, I wish she could become more independent that I could invest much more time to developpe an activity which let me escape from home and to become free!!!
Yes, it’s like you describe it. I went through anger, fear, and rage, but nothing changed. So i keep going. It’s like being the black sheep or colored dog from the family and they always look a way that really hurts. But i can’t and won’t wait any longer cause this makes me starving. And i have on my mind to respect any decision they make for themselfes. Head up and go on.
Seems that this post were created to me. I JUST had a discussion with my father about a sales course that I want to participate on next Saturday to grow my comfort zone, but he disagrees. This kind of situation is so boring, but with these tips I’ll find a way to do it and learn more. Thank you Harv!
Thank you Harv,
I went through this with my husband about a year and a half ago when I began my network marketing business and began working on myself more than ever before. He used to ridicule and try to turn off my CDs in the car. I said- in your car you choose the listening, in my car I do- choose if you are ok to accept a lift from me knowing that.’ I am happy to encourage others that if you set your face to the wind things change. My husband is now my number one supporter and fan. He hasn’t attended any courses himself but has been inspired to Lear. Grow and develop himself in his own ways (yoga, learning languages). I want to inspire you that even if you question your relationship when you are first to grow, if you gently but firmly continue on your path and say ‘I love you and I want us to travel life together…and I am doing this so you have a choice of being supportive or not, knowing that I will still do it.’ Over time you may notice positive changes in them. Another thing that helps is keep a gratitude book for the person who is not supporting you- each day, no matter how hard write one thing you are grateful for about them. After 1 year give the book as a gift- and notice how you, they and your relationship has improved as a direct result- worked for me and could for you too! With love, Rose.
So true! I broke a relationship not long ago, and it was a painful process in which both of us suffered and had to readapt. She was always criticising my ways and my goals at the same time she could not help but complaining about her job. I didn’t think our views of our working life could actually affect us that much, but I now know it did.
I started a new relationship after that one, and it is true we’re still in that sweet moment we all have at the beginning of each new romance, but something’s telling me this is the one for many a reason. When referring to finances, she also works for somebody else -like my ex- and her schedule and situation is not that good… but she has a different perspective about it. She’s now helping me out in my business and she has great plans about her own future career, so we resonate in our expectations!
I can tell it is a whole new level of enjoying life, and I can work much better now that my partners is so supportive and we perfectly complement each other.
This article is very timely for me. I was talking with my coach last evening about this. My husband tells me there is nothing wrong with me and that I don’t need to waste time or money on this crap. I am not willing to give up on fulfilling my life purpose. I am 64 yrs old. There is no time like the present for me to follow my dreams. I was very successful in the corporate world loving what I did. However, I did much of it out of obligation. Now is my time and I do desire to at least have his blessing. Each day is a new beginning.
I am determined to keep coming back until I can hear you in my ear every time I stop moving forward! Thank You for all you do. Aloha Works?⌛️?❤️?????
I enjoy your newsletters however I can’t come to an understanding when you say “No one wants to have to consider hurting or risking isolation from their love ones, especially when we know we have to keep on pursuing our growth no matter what” as it is in our inherent nature to want to grow together so why then would we risk isolation? We’re build and wired to grow so could you help me understand why are we risking isolation?
It is definitely a good thing to have your loved ones on your side tho not everyone is as positive about as others but definitely understand what it’s like
You are right spot on!! I had been taking trainings after trainings for years..doing courses after courses..reading books after books and hence i had been growing internally and externally very rapidly. Although my wife( a single child to loving financially well parents ) was way ahead of me on mental, spiritual and emotional plane. But for few…maybe long years she became stagnant…she wont read, train or do courses and hence became quite dull. She started complaining and all thise negative stuff. And i hated it because she was the girl whom i loved the most and infact it ws her love which made me to take so many risk and puzh me to my limits. Myself Being born in not so good family environment i did everything which i could by improving myself and bettering myself do to make her see smile and be proud of me and after all this when i started seeing her go bad i would feel guilty. HOWEVER, i realized what she needed..and invited and motivated her to attend one training which i had already attended and could see the result. She has now become interested in learning and fighting her own fights. Sometimes she turns bad now also…but the change inbattitude is totally visible…i am looking forward to send her to more trainings
thanks for the sharing of the insights – T. Harv.
Indeed – many a times we share our journey with people we love.
we show them what’s possible, and what is an alternate path.
sometimes – families understand and they support by their words and actions. sometimes – they are a little cautious.
I continue to motivate them and to keep them close in my heart.
From ; Maureen, of Singapore