Why Accepting Yourself As You Are Is One Of The Biggest Secrets To Happiness
When someone believes they’re not enough, a really good analogy for that is like putting legs on a snake. The snake is naturally a snake. It’s built to be what it is and do what it does, and it’s very good at moving around without legs.
What if you didn’t have to add anything to yourself? I’m certainly not talking about adding stuff like knowledge, which can be useful, or even material things. If you’ve always wanted a certain sports car for whatever reason, go for it!
But if you need that car in order to feel a certain way–rich, accomplished, successful, attractive, etc., then we’re talking about an add-on that doesn’t change a freakin thing. If you didn’t feel good enough about yourself before, a car or houses or money or even better looks won’t change that either now. This idea of adding on in order to feel or appear better just doesn’t work in the long-term.
There must be an inherent belief for you to feel like you need to add something to yourself in order to (fill-in-the-blank).
Whatever it is we’re talking about, we’d have to believe that what we’re adding to is not enough. There’s some real or perceived lack.
You might think, “Oh, Harv, that’s ridiculous, because if I didn’t try to add on to myself, then I wouldn’t be getting any better.”
The problem there is that we’ve been taught in our society that we’ve got to be better. Really? What is it that’s wrong with us that we need to be better?
Sure, it could be we want to have a stronger character, to be more reliable or dependable. There could be things that we want, thinking that if we’re better, then we’ll get more of those things.
I’m not saying that it’s not good to try to make yourself better, or that it’s not good to try and learn more and earn more.
It becomes a problem, though, when you’re not allowing yourself to experience the beauty of now–your beauty right now–because you’re so focused on “improvement” that you never feel accepted and good enough right now in this moment.
Practice accepting yourself as you are. If you’re a snake, enjoy being a snake. If you’re an alligator, and you’ve got scales and tough skin, enjoy being an alligator. If you’re a marshmallow, enjoy being a marshmallow. Look at the goodness in that first.
You have to accept what is. You have to accept who you are and make all the parts of you the gifts that they are, and then you can decide if you want to add anything else to your life, but without negating the first part, which is what we tend to do.
For your homework this week, I want you to write down one negative quality, supposedly, and something that’s not enough for you. Now that you’re enlightened, you’re not going to look at it as a negative.
Then you’re going to write down all the things that are positives and that can be useful around that quality.
If we’re a certain way, we’re going to be that way…and that’s okay.
You’re not going to make wholesale changes, anyway. You think you will, but you won’t. You might say, “Tomorrow I’m going to be like this.” Time has a way of pulling you back, because you’re not supposed to be anything other than who you are right now.
Accepting who you are now will allow you to look at things in a new light, then you can add, but you’re adding from a positive lens, kind of like “Okay, what can be even MORE awesome?” vs. “What do I need to do to make up for that deficiency?” See the difference?
You can go from light to brighter light instead of from darkness to trying to put some light into the darkness but you’re still kind of dingy.
This is who we are. You don’t need to be anything more than you already are right now. The goal never was and never is perfection, but we do need to lean toward the light.
What’s your story? Do you have any experiences with the teaching above? We want to hear from you!
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Thank you! Yes!!! I so agree!! We are taught to not say thanks I am awesome. But we are. I am really working on this. I am great and I want to be even greater. The problem is we are so hard on ourselves (or Let me speak for me, i am so hard on myself
The great challenge is to really be with ourselves and Love ourselves unconditionally it almost sounds simple except that it is sooooo challenging.
Love love love
Maureen
Wealth does not necessarily mean wellness
I have been fortunate to be introduced to a product that stops you ageing at a cellular level
I put myself on it for one year my brain my body happiness is amazing
I recommend this product but I am not skilled enough at marketing
So I want to learn learn and learn again
What product is that?
Harv. muchas gracias por tan valiosa información, realmente es mucho mas fácil y rápido aceptando lo que se tiene y se es, es quitar del camino un gran obstáculo que no deja avanzar rápido en mi meta . Voy por todo y avanzar es mas fácil y rápido aceptándome y saber que adherir o aprender para ser mejor ser humano y así ser ejemplo a seguir para mis hijos y generaciones futuras.
gracias, gracias gracias.
Nice one Harv 🙂
Harv! From the first day I laid my hands on your book “Secrets of a millionaire mind”, my life has taken such a rapid positive change, that I am ever grateful for, coupled with your weekly million dollar lessons. They have had far reaching effects on me. I have not yet being opportuned to attend Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar, But I look forward to it on my next birthday 13th, July, 2017. I am working towards that. I hardly used to accept myself, I wanted this or wanted to be that but after reading Secrets of a Millionaire Mind, I have now acknowledged that I AM ENOUGH, and growing in progression everyday. I reply most greetings of “how are you” with “I am great”, “I am awesome”. All thanks to Harv and His wonderful team. I look forward to experiencing Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar soon. Thank you once again!!!
Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. OMG. I’m on my way. Thanks Harvard. I am enough. I have so much to share with the world. Boom
Very powerful! It was only a few years ago that all I could see about myself was that I was not “enough.” There was so much I felt I needed to add to myself to be happy. But I was stuck in victim mode because there was no way I could get that or do this or so-and-so wouldn’t be okay with me being this way or that. I wasn’t even sure if it was worth it to try and be better. I didn’t want to accept who I was because I didn’t want to be who I was. It got bad enough one day that my life came tumbling down in shambles–and I thank God it did, because it gave me the choice to remain broken or recreate myself. I chose the latter. As part of that recreation, I had to accept myself for who I was, flaws and all. I also recognized that my God accepted me for who I was as well as those who really cared about me. Once I recognized that I was good enough as I was and that God or my true family and friends weren’t going to cast me off for my flaws, I was able to move forward. The key for me was recognizing that part of who I am is the part of me that will always be striving to be better. I may have good things and bad things about myself but one of the good things about me that is more important than all else is that I will not stop trying to be better. Knowing that one thing about myself was all I needed to recognize that I could be happy with who I am now, and I can be happy and motivated to strive towards who I am becoming without getting down on myself for what I am not or what I have not yet become. I think this ties well with what Harv teaches about thinking in terms of “both.” You don’t have to be “perfect to be happy” or be “imperfect and sad.” It is possible to be BOTH ” imperfect and happy.” In fact that is the only way to exist and be happy. Imperfection is a given. Happiness is a choice. You must be happy first with the imperfection in order to have the strength to press forward to improve on the imperfection.
Thank you for your inspiring post which is not some sort of marketing gimmick but straight from you yourself. All the very best
Harv what about the next statement: Life is more about to get rid of things than adding more of them.
Absolutely true Harv!! I was once told about the beauty of a flower – it naturally radiates from within and exudes outwardly, it naturally is all it can be. Adding your lesson, if the flower grows under cement it adapts around & through the cement is still all it can be. It doesn’t say ‘I need to have the perfect garden bed to grow in, with fertilisers, constant tending to and the exact amount of water, it simply grows as it should and is all it can be because it radiates from within to exude outwardly. Thanks for the reminder to love as we are first then add dreams of inspiration from a wonderful platform! Caz ?
I love the discoveries while doing the homework, thank you for the insight!
Hey Man, you are a big Inspitarion for me!
I am so grateful to find you and all you work on my way!
Tank you very much!!!
Harv, you are logical and inspirational. What you say more than in this words is that you actually have seen people become successful by adopting your approach. I started my book with the phrase “If you can change, why you expect others to change” and later refer to Robinson Crusoe – first master the current situation and then dream for better. However, even I know all that, I need your help to move myself into this change and leave my marketing paradigm that sabotages me.
I did so much, but for some things I need external support. Thanks for your arguments.
Using English as my second language, I have never felt comfortable with myself, especially in some situations like making a presentation in front of my native classmates or communicating with native patients (I’m doing occupational therapy). In fact, I used to dream that I could be born with the ability to speak English or procrastinate a few intentions until my English is better.
However, It’s time to stop that negative thought. There is nothing wrong with my English, just go ahead with it. I’d better be happy being a “snake”.
Thanks, Harv. Your writing gives me an opportunity to reflex on myself.