Here’s Why Nice, Caring, Loving And Generous People Finish First And Jerks Finish Last
The only beings on Earth that utilize the currency we call money is other people, yes? Any money you get has to come from other people. It does not come from your business; not your job, not the universe, not the sky, trees, cows or plants—unless you happen to sell those. You get the point though. Other people have to give you their money in order for you to make money.
The only question is: why would other people give you their money?
The answer is because you’re helping them solve some sort of problem, whether you’re employed or self-employed.
But here’s the next question: If you had a choice of two people to give your money to in order to solve a problem, which would you rather give it to: the person who can solve the problem and be totally pleasant, and friendly, and kind, and considerate, or the other person who can solve the problem but is the opposite of all of that?
The nice person! This may sound trite, but you wouldn’t believe how many people I come across who have this idea that in order to make it in business, you have to be an A-hole of sorts in order to not get trampled over or something.
Who the hell is saying that if you’re nice then you don’t do well? That’s crazy!
You do way better being kind, generous, caring and considerate because people want to give you their money, or people want to work for you, or you want to work for them if that’s the case. You don’t want to work for a jerk and you don’t want to give your money to a jerk.
Now I’ll be clear about one thing …a lot of rich people are assholes. But you know what? A lot of poor people are assholes, too! What the hell does that have to do with money?
The nicer you are, the more kind you are, the more generous you are, the more giving you are, the more concerned you are, and the more compassionate you are, the richer you’re going to freaking get, because people want to give you their money to nice people!
It honestly bugs the crap out of me; there are a few rich people that are jerks and now everybody who’s rich is a jerk.
Will you be a jerk?
“When you get a certain amount, money corrupts people.” Really?
At what number will you be corrupt? When will you go from a nice person in your heart to an a-hole? A million dollars? “Oh yes, now I’m a jerk.”
If you find yourself being a jerk, what do you do? Take a fricking breath, go to a retreat, go in the woods, go to nature, get back to your center and be nice again.
If you think that nice people don’t get rich, why don’t you be nice and get rich so you can show people how to do it?
It doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you. That’s silly. That’s disempowering. You be who you are, you don’t let people walk all over you, but you can be nice about it, too.
We’re alchemists, which means by our own thoughts we determine what is what; if it’s good, bad, right, wrong, up, down, because everything is relative in the world of duality and paradox we live in.
Nothing is anything until you make it something. You’re the one with the magic wand. You’re the one who’s giving meaning to everything. If you think you have to be a prick in order to be rich—and being rich happens to be more important to you—then of course you’ll be a rich prick even if you really don’t want to be.
If you think you have to be a prick in order to be rich, and being nice is more important to you than being rich, then guess what? You’ll be nice, but you’ll probably be broke too, all based on a false idea that success and niceness are mutually exclusive.
They’re both important. Stop separating them; they’re one in the same. Then more problems you solve for more people in the kindest, most caring, compassionate, considerate, and humorous way (don’t forget people like being around fun) you can muster, the more materially successful and emotionally and spiritually fulfilled you will become.
What do you think? What are some sneaky self-defeating ideas you have heard about the relationship between money and personal character? Have you held yourself back with these ideas? How did you overcome that?
Give us a story or share a thought, we want to hear from you!
Passion, Purpose, And Profits
In addition to being nice, caring, and generous, I strongly believe that in order to become RICH you must live with passion and fulfill your purpose.
And I share exactly how to do that on my web class:
Passion, Purpose And Profits. It’s free to attend!
For Your Freedom,
I’m the very nice, generous and ready to help others and guess what, I am broke. I solve people’s problems for very little money. I don’t dare to charge more for my service! How can I change that? Shall I change myself?
Why do you not dare charge more for your services? Are your services less valuable than others who are more financially successful? Or is it that you think deep down that you do not deserve to be rewarded for your efforts?
I say this with love and kindness, I have been working on this issue myself for years. I am an artist, no longer struggling, but now emerging from the shadows. Don
Not ‘daring’ to charge more is a choice you’ve made based on your model of the world. That’s neither right or wrong, just your choice. If that works for you great, leave it be. If not, take an honest look at where that model of your world originated and whether you’d like to adopt a different perspective. Remember the more you value what you bring to the world the more the world can be valued by what you bring= help more people. Just something to think about. Oh and one other thing, Changing your mind is not changing who you are. Don’t confuse your thoughts with ‘you’. Thoughts are just mental programming so are emotions. Be all you can be. Without limitations!
Hi Halina,
You need to tell yourself ‘I am worthy to receive abundance’. You put your finger right on the problem when you said ‘I don’t dare to charge more’. Yes, you need to change your thinking! Keep telling yourself that you’re awesome at what you do and that you are worthy to be paid fairly for your services. Good luck!
Harv,first thank you!
I watched your webminar today September 29 at 21:00 ( Germany time) Amazing!
I always think in the case of your book:
The listener has many courses, more than most and not made money.
He was in the middle of the sixty-was already in tears at the seminar.
I would like to know more details of what he did to achieve the goals.
Thankfully,
Augusta
you can raise your prices! I say this because i found myself after many years of successful entrepreneurship, complaining because everything was gig up but my wages….then I had some conversations with some new entertainers in my industry and realized…it was because I had not raised my prices! They were all less experienced and charging 20% more than me.. All I had to do was deserve more, raise my prices! Guess what, nobody has blinked at my new prices!
Thanks T. Harv, always fabulous content that helps me stay centered, positive, and growing! I appreciate the valuable life lessons and will strive to apply this mindset throughout the day. Much appreciated.
The biggest challenge is : Workplace bullying for me. How do I handle it ?. Being nice at workplaces always lets you finish last….How do we get it sorted ?.
Hi John, you said ‘being nice at the workplace always lets you finish last’. If this is your belief, then this is exactly what you get. Tell yourself ‘being nice at the workplace always lets you finish FIRST’. Tell yourself at least 5 times a day and monitor your thoughts for negativity. If you catch yourself with a negative thought, consciously rephrase it into a positive one. It will change your life!
I agree with you money and nice are not mutually excluded from the equation. However they are few. This is the reality. I think that what matters here is who are you, what do you want to do and equality important what you dont want to do. I dont want to behave like other people because to me it is like to put my values down. The answer to your concern success and to be nice are both possible? Definitely yes and i will go for it.
Life is a give and take, Ying and yang. When you give…people want to give back. People don’t mind paying for something that is valuable to them.
Let me put it another way. When people give you something of value, do you mind paying for it?
I agree completely with you Harv. I have done a lot of work with corporations and large organizations and the people at the top are always the nicest people I meet. Since I am an artist I am on a dotted line to the person at the top in the power structure. I think they are happy to see me because I am just fun with no problems and they sometimes treat me like I am their therapist. I have met no one at the top that was not very very nice. The petty tyrant is at the lower levels, they do not rise to the top. When you are focused on your own importance, you are not solving THEIR problem, and we rise by taking care of them [remembering to bill for our work, paying oneself of course].
Dear T.Harv, I PERSONALY BELIEVE that in theory it is absolutely possible to be nice and rich at the same time. But in business reality you know it yourself, the formula is: “The demand for what you do, your ability to do it, and the difficulty of replacing you will determine your income.”
So doesn’t that formula in general inherit a kind of “blackmail”. ‘Cause at some point, to get the big money, people literally have to say: “Pay me the amount XY…otherwise…find somebody else.”
That’s the way all the big Hollywood Stars we know from Sitcoms are paid. The more successful the series is, the more greedy the actors become and the more they can literally blackmail their production company. “O.K., find somebody else then.” Which they themselves know it is just impossible, because there would be e.g. no “Big Bang Theory” without a Leonard & Penny anymore, or without a Sheldon Cooper.
The same is true for every landlord: If you want to make the most possible money, you have to take the highest rent people are still willing to pay. So people who are too kind for business, will always have the smaller bank accounts in comparison to the tougher people. And from being tough in business it’s just a very very small step to be a Jerk, because sooner or later you WILL come in a situation where you have to decide: Do I take the higher amount of money or will I be helpful. Let’s again pick up the example of the landlord. Single mom, three kids want to rent your apartment but could only afford 1.000 Dollars. Somebody else, for whom the apartment will just serve as a love nest for him and his lover, while cheating on his wife, is willing to pay you 1.500 Dollars a month. So from a moral standpoint it’s clear you’d give the apartment to the single mom, but from the business point of view “the Jerk” would give it to the other Jerk 😉 wouldn’t he.
And at some point every employer is tempted to pay his employees as little as possible, isn’t he ?
So again you can be nice or you can be financially loaded.
At some point in the business world being nice and being rich IS unfortunately kind of contradicting, isn’t it.
I don’t disagree with you, but I do think there is a difference to being a jerk and business savvy. Like Harv said, you can’t be a pushover. Take, for example, your example of the lover and the single mom. In that case, I would call and try to get her connected to someone who could help her. It might only take 15 minutes to help her out, I’m a nice guy, and I’m still getting the higher pay. There are many solutions to that, but that’s just a thought. Everything you do in life lays a seed that grows into a plant later, and you will end up seeing the fruits of your labors. Your don’t have to be a jerk to the single mom, but it doesn’t mean you have to make the wrong business move as well.
Another point, I would say is programming to call people who make smart business decisions jerks. Did they hurt the single mom? No. They just made a smart business decision. They don’t hate her, necessarily. They didn’t tell her to leave and never come back. I don’t believe it makes you a jerk, though some compassion in life can help in a lot of ways.
Hi Mario, excellent point! May be the answer lies in whether you absolutly need to charge more in order for your business to survive (and pay salaries, maintenance, taxes, etc, which is your responsibility by the way) or whether you can afford to make a little less money and give a little to charity. Another point, who says you cannot use another type of “money”, for example, the mom can provide a service or a product to help pay for the rent.
Another excellent post, Harv. I recognize it from your ‘Secrets of a Spiritual Millionaire course’. Judging by the comments, many kind and generous people have difficulty being assertive. I too have been at the receiving end of workplace bullying, or people trying to take advantage of my generosity. This is when you need to stand up for yourself, but I think if you are by nature a kind and caring person, then you most likely try to avoid conflict rather than facing it in order to end it.
I would love if you wrote a post on how to be kind and generous yet assertive so you are not taken advantage of. As always, thank you Harv!
I had to learn that being nice does not always mean saying ‘yes’. If a person does this it is out of fear of what they will think about themselves when they do. Yes, you read that right. Other people don’t make you feel bad , they merely confirm what a person feels inside. It took me years to learn that I can be generous AND have boundaries/make effective choices. Still learning but much better at it. I am going to be rich and I am kind !
That is absolutely true. Being nice can be very rewarding. You can be rich and nice at the same time. Riches could also come in different ways and people tend to lean towards nice people who are rich.
Great points. And I know, have met and dealt with numerous very rich people and businesses that are very mean, dishonest, deceptive, fraudulent etc. We all know the tobacco industry has been shamelessly lying for decades about their poisonous products. Misleading consumers is all in the game in the food and farmaceutical industry as well. And who trusts the banks these times? or salesmen? And how many people have nice competent bosses who are not total jerks? Just look at the billionaire who’s running for president right now! I could go on and on. I guess getting rich is so much easier being a jerk. At least in the short term untill the truth gets out. And that can often take centuries.
kind people do get attacked this why it’s good to know that the kind will
come out on top sometimes it doesn’t feel that way when you see how mean people can be even if they think you’re doing better than them
way
I am really working hard to get to the bottom of my “money ideas”, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. When I was growing up my Mother would put a check in the offering plate at church every week, and then tell us that she couldn’t afford certain foods, medical and dental care etc…. She blamed my father for not paying bills, and our family went without natural gas service to our home, from the date in the spring when the provider was allowed to shut it off, for non payment, until the following Christmas. That meant no stove, oven, heat or hot water. My brother and I took showers all over the neighborhood. While my mother continued giving to church…. To this day she has not a pot to piss in but hangs with wealthy people complaining to them that I don’t support her. Just yesterday I wrote down some thoughts. Here they are:
People with money don’t share it willingly….. they keep it for themselves and for their own family, even if there is someone close to them who really shows potential, and really needs money as a tool to achieve something. Money is something that people keep. Either you have it or you don’t.
Lori (my mother’s wealthy sister) never offered me anything because she needed her money for her family & that is acceptable in our society. I wasn’t hers so my needs didn’t matter to her, she was officially not responsible for them. They were rich we were poor, this was well conveyed through everyone’s actions. Lori’s kids were sent to college – I was expelled from a trade school because my parents didn’t pay the bill – Lori didn’t offer to help, and well could have. But she met my Mother at church each week…..
Immediate families are the only thing that seems to matter to people – even when you love someone outside of your immediate family – it doesn’t matter. If they aren’t a member of your immediate family they don’t really matter….. They aren’t worth any money to you. American society is built on this idea alone. It’s wrong and hurtful.
In order to help people trapped on poverty the government has to seize money from those that have it in the form of taxes – then dole it out to the poor. In doing so the money is devalued – offering barely enough to matter. This system we have is very wrong!
Today I open for business in several different ways. Very little is happening. I have been working day and night for a few years on all the “systems” – I hope they start working soon.
Dear Harve,
that was the perfect post to the perfect time to me, you probably wrote it for me 😉 that´s was just in the moment I´m struggling about. In the past I always was the most kindest, comforting, helping person und I always did well with it and could grow also my financial power in tiny steps.
But actually is an episode, since two oder tree weeks people start bullying me and beeing mean and pressing out money of me and I paid, because I am afraid of them and wanted my peace. And last week the idea came up: In the big world the big fishes are mean and I frightening others to get their money. Interesting is: Since a few weeks I plan to remodel my business – the world reacts and shows me tmy fear again! I never was confronted with so much negativity in my whole lifetime!
So thank you for your post – I stay over these things and am encouraged to be as nice as always, the mean others won´t succeed.
A generous spirit is so helpful in this life. I look for opportunities to help others as a way of life, and it is not always with money. And, guess what, when I need something, I usually don’t have to work that hard to get it. It just works.
Wow this post could not have came at a better time. I always heard the cliches that rich people are evil, or nice people finish last etc. This really shines some light on the truth that there are people that are right h but still down to earth. Thanks for sharing and glad to continue to learn and implement your teachings.
You are great
Harv got this (and many others) right. At our law firm, we provide superb customer service, and we get new paying clients every day. Every lawyer in our field of practice I have met who did not have any clients had something in common – they all were jerks.
Reading through comments, I realized how many people struggle with being nice and being able to stand up to themselves. Being nice and being strong are not mutually exclusive things. Recently I had a long conversation with our landlord. He is a big tough military guy. He did really try to push his point. All through our conversation I was really nice and genuinely concerned about his issues. He had tried everything – threats, blackmailing, lies, pity push, guilt complex trip – everything. None of that worked. At the end of the conversation an open panic appeared in his voice, and it sounded like he wanted to cry.
Being a jerk is not being strong. It is being very weak and dependent on the opinion of other people.
I went to a psychologist. She was mean. I never went back to her again.
I am naturally a nice and welcoming person and be kind is an easy side of myself and it help a lot in the success of my business. People like the way I treat them and I care for them … customers and vendors as well.
Always hard for me to understand why some people think they have to be mean to be successful.
I am nice and kind and have been brought up that way. Being any other way just hurts me and I won’t have that.
Being this way generate a lot of revenue for me in my business simply because I am really good at what I do, and am very easy to deal with.
Though, since I trade time for money, I can never get financially free this way, which is a double-sided edge for me:
One, I really love the work that I do as I get to utilise all of my skills in a way that is fulfilling and rewarding and darn right soothing for my soul. (not so much soothing for my “Mini me Mind” though)
I am very passionate about what I do. (Which can be very scary to the mind)
Two, in the way my business is setup, I am owned by my company. 😀
So. New strategy. Stay nice, but rebuild my structure for getting revenue. 🙂
“My strength and my hand did this wealth”
Who is proud in the end will be humiliated it’s 2 edges
Ethics =What is hateful to you Do not do to others
humanity
Nothing good comes out idiot
And it does not come a cross to that the man have to fend for himself and focus on his goals
Hi. I started my business 1 year ago as a coffee/food van owner operator with no knowledge at all about running a business, and no customers.
I was offered work on a civil construction site, and quickly adapted to the needs of my customers (to get out of the sun and relax during their break), so I started my ‘open till system’.
Now while I’m making coffee or just chatting with someone, the men confirm the total of their purchases with me if they’re not sure then pay directly into the till and get their own change. They soon learn not to show me their change because I tell them not to abuse the trust factor!
They all know how to use the Eftpos tablet, and the old hands will help teach the newbies when they start on the work site. This makes it much faster for my customers!
I believe that if you give trust people usually come back trustworthy, someone just has to make the first move.
I also give random discounts and free cans of drink at my discretion… about 10% is my daily goal.
I chat with and joke around with my customers; a few minutes of laughing can make a person’s day better… I certainly feel better! I always try to have a smile on my face. People tell me I’m kind.
I’ve been told I can’t run my business like that, that it’s not right. I’ve been called weird and crazy (out of disbelief and bewilderment lol) to which I reply ‘thank you’…
and because I am a little bit weird and crazy ?
Six months ago my customers told me to put my prices up because I was selling too cheap…
If the men run a tab they keep track of it themselves, usually on a notepad on their phone…
They say ‘here’s the 50 cents I owe you from last week when you let me off because I didn’t quite have enough’… and I have no idea what they’re talking about…
I want to live my life being true to myself… at last. I’m operating my business in a way that feels right for me. I don’t know if I’ll get rich, I think that would require duplication, but my business has certainly expanded! I have a part time employee who preps the food every day now…
So, from my own very limited experience it seems to me that being trusting, kind, generous, funny and polite are highly valued in business. All we can do is set our own example; if it’s right, the people will come.
One thing I have noticed in the replies is that most people can tell stories of people they know who are rich and who are jerks or became jerks when they became rich. No one has really told the stories of people who are million/billionaires who are kind, generous and compassionate. There are also lots of stories of rich people who are very generous and kind.
Johnny Depp (Captain Jack Sparrow) and Robert Downey Jr. (Iron man) both carry their famous costumes in their cars and randomly stop at hospitals to cheer up sick kids. There are also countless celebrities, politicians, corporate leaders, millionaires/billionaires, etc who give VERY generously to charities, help those in need, and are very kind hearted and compassionate.
In fact, there is a Healthfood store in my small town and the owner/operator is the most kind, generous lady you could meet. She goes above and beyond the call of duty to serve her customers (in fact, she dropped off an item I wanted one day because I had been in earlier that day and she was out for a minute. The person taking over didn’t know she had the item. She felt bad for me not getting what I came in for so dropped it off on her way home).
The only reason she isn’t rich is because of her own self limiting beliefs; she doesn’t charge high prices and often gives discounts when people are low on funds. You can see by her attitude that she has a hard time charging higher prices. I would guess that her belief is that she will be a mean or nasty person if she charges high prices. She has even said to me that she hates charging “too much”. The fact that she ISN’T rich is a testament to her self limiting beliefs and NOT to her not being mean enough to make money.
You do not HAVE to be a jerk if you have money, you CHOOSE to be a jerk because you have money.
Like T. Harv said, whether you are a jerk or not has nothing to do with how much money you have, it has to do with your belief system. If you believe you have to be a jerk to have money or if you have money, you will be.
T. Harv
I just finish reading the book “SpeedWealth” and I found some good power principles.
Last week, I signed up for the coaching on life makeover. I will find time to learn.
Wonderful work! This is the type of information that are supposed to be shared around the web.