How To Find Peace When Searching In the Darkest Corners Of Your Life

If I was going to ask, “How are you?”, you would say, “Fine, or okay, or good, or great”…yes? You wouldn’t really answer the question, or you’d answer it superficially if you were like the majority of people.
If I ask, “What’s going on for you right now? What’s happening in your mind? What’s happening in your heart? What’s your predominant energy right now? What are you thinking about a lot of the time?” Most people would have an answer to that if they really thought about what they were thinking about.
I do that quite a bit. As long as I don’t overdo it, I actually find it quite helpful to keep myself in check.
One of the key elements that we teach, and that a lot of people teach, is the element of consciousness. Consciousness is about acting from the present moment instead of based on programming from the past. It’s about making conscious choices in this moment and not being habitual or automatic like we normally are.
If you notice, the key element that many monks have taken 40 years in caves to consider is the element of observation. It’s observing yourself, being your own witness.
It means thinking about what you’re thinking about. It means taking a bird’s eye view of your life, your situation, and where you’re at.
It’s your way of thinking, feeling, and acting and observing that. Not in a judgmental way as in, “Oh my god! What an idiot I am!”, or, “How great am I?” It’s not like that. It’s just watching how you do your life.
My Zen teacher is Cheri Huber. I love Cheri! She’s so great because she makes things really simple. It’s like being aware of what’s going on for you in your life and coming from a place of, “Here’s how I’m thinking, what I’m thinking, and what I’m feeling,” and then working backward to say, “Is that what I want to be doing?”
If you can do this without judgment, you’re going to be in great shape. What Cheri says is the problem most people have is that they do it, but they do it with judgment.
Considering that most of us grow up in a culture that emphasizes on superficial things, it’s no wonder most people have a part in them that’s near neurotically self-critical, when people feel like they don’t compare to others who are successful.
And that’s not including those circumstances from our childhood and life traumas that pile on feelings of lowered self-worth.
It’s tough for a lot of people to look critically at their lives and accept, without judgment, that whatever happened before to make us who we are now, we do have a now to work with! But sometimes there are places within themselves people just don’t want to go.
The issue is that when we do look at ourselves, it’s like turning the lights on in a dark room. Let me ask you a simple question:
When you put the light on, do you see more or less dirt? You’re going to see more of everything, aren’t you?
Our mind is generally focused on what’s wrong because it’s always looking to protect us. It’s not going to protect us by looking for what’s right.
The trick here is observation without judgment and criticism. It’s observation and being able to just observe, leaving right or wrong out of the equation.
What will that help you conquer in life?
1. You will be able to be very conscious about what’s going on and then make changes if you need to.
2. You will be able to practice observing without judgment.
Here’s the cool thing, my friends. If you can practice observing yourself without judgment, then you can practice observing life and other people without judgment.
Life gets a lot more peaceful and more enjoyable regardless of your situation. You get more inner balance to sustain through success or setback. You become more resilient. People like that energy and want to be around it. That’s Zen, baby.
So tell us … what’s been on your mind? We’re not here to fix or to provide remedy. Tell us what you’re really thinking and feeling these days, and observe how much of yourself you might see in others’ responses.
Looking at those dark corners doesn’t take as much courage as it does compassion. Start with yourself…
…By joining me on my next class as my guest to…
The Ultimate Life Makeover System
A 7 Step System To Design And Create Your Ultimate Life
For Your Freedom,







Of late i’ve been thinking of exercising to get into better shape. I begun doing some yoga yesterday & i slept comfortably, the back ache is subsiding too. I also thought of being more patient with my 2 sons bcoz they stress me up. & trying to let go of unproductive issues & people. Am feeling better already.
joan, thats great to take the steps to care more for yourself. then you will have more to give. i find if i am frustrated with my daughter, its never about her, its about me and then i can change that without harming her self esteem or continuing to feel bad. i even tell her sometimes i am feeling frustrated and i apologize to her so she knows its not about her. this way our children arent afraid to talk about how they feel, and there is no judgment. our kids heal us and help us grow and love even more than we knew was possible. in this space we find true happiness.
Simple, yet very valuable idea.
Thank you for writing this post.
This is BIG and it really does work wonders.
And the beauty is it’s a very relaxing practice to be able to witness without judgement.
All I would add to this for anyone starting out wanting to try it is to create a habit of every hour on the hour ask those 3 questions Harv’s suggesting:
‘What am I thinking, What am I feeling, What am I doing’.
Great article simplifying this profound practice that anyone could benefit from!
I am already on your Makeover course and loving it and going deeper with my success thinking
Wow! As a mother watching her son go through some heavy mental issues right now, this is fantastic… I’m going to let me read it because it helps us to get a road map out of what we are thinking, feeling and start living in the present as opposed to the past.
В голове много всего. Прочитала вашу книгу и теперь собираю свои мысли. Мысли самые лучшие. Чтобы действия были продуктивные и затем решения. Поняла главную наверно для меня вещь, что менять надо все в своей голове. Как вы сказали, программу менять надо. И это не так просто конечно. Но все возможно. Главное результат потом будет не такой как сейчас. А так как я хочу.
Great article Harv, thank you! When I ask myself those questions, I also ask “Have I done my best? Am I doing my best or could I do better? Being honest with myself keeps me in check. Instead of being critical, it puts the train back on the tracks so to speak and this gives me peace going forward. Doing it often ensures its a minor adjustment, and not a major overhaul.
Hey Harv, all your lessons are 5 Star. Can you put them all on audio so I can listen to them over and over again? Thanks, Marty ☺ CLEAR, CONFIDENT, POWERFUL
Hi Marty! Thank you for your kind words. Next week you’ll be able to learn about our new Rich Life Club, which includes my Tough Love Calls where a lot of this information stems from. Stay tuned for next week’s lesson
Dear Harv,
Thank you for the nice lesson – yes I think I am more able to make the shift in the thought process when judgement comes in. Though it is not always easy to look at a situation without judgement, I will keep the lesson. I will try to practice and am learning more and more to say thank you for the good things that are here no matter. And it is true that exercices are a great help and help to reframe the mindset. Stretching enables me to practice my centering exercises. Thanks for sharing.
Bonjour Harv,
Merci beaucoup pour tous vos écrits ET VOS EXPERTISES. Celui-ci est très puissant, car je suis obligé de savoir où j’en suis au présent. En le faisant sans jugement, c’est certain que je dois m’améliorer pour me conditionner à créer le degré de ma réussite. Merci. Comme vous le conseillez, je vous bénis Harv Eker, vous et les gens qui vous sont chers. Je vais être un grand conférencier formateur comme vous. Depuis 30 ans j’ai aidé des centaines de gens mais je ne me suis pas conditionné sur ma réussite financière, à cause de mon plan financier intérieur que je suis en train de modifier depuis quelques jours. Visitez monsite web si vous avez quelques secondes. http://www.victorakpaki.com
Merci. Harmonieusement,
Victor AKPAKI
Bonjour Harv,
Je veux renforcer mon engagement de devenir millionnaire, que je me suis fait envers moi-même(mon âme) le 30 avril 2015, en le faisant directement avec vous. Je ne trouve pas sur votre site web le texte le concernant comme vous l’indiquez dans votre livre que j’ai acheté en 2008
Merci
Harmonieusement,
Victor AKPKI
Well I’ve recently started the Abundance for Life program by Paul Scheele and I’ve been thinking about how to feel happy and blissful more and more everyday and to manifest all of my dreams exactly when I want them. I’ve also been thinking about how to be 100% responsible for my life and not fall victim to the circumstances that arise.
Hola Harv,
Me siento tan feliz de haber asistido a MMI en Ansterdam y de seguir el programa quantum leap. Aprendo un montón con esos cursos . Gracias por darnos las claves para pensar de otras maneras y sobre todo el saber que ahora tengo que cambiar las raíces para crear buenos frutos .
Saludos Giovana
Danke vielmals für den tollen Beitrag, wie alle anderen auch. 5 Sterne.
Thank you for a great advice, Harv. I already know this lesson, but it is not easy to apply this lesson every moment. I really needed to hear this lesson today, because I was judging myself all day long. Thank you for great advice again. Bless you.
Harv, I have taken your Millionaire Mind Course and loved every minute, anyhow, what if I am witnessing something disturbing? let me explain, I was at a wedding and the mother in law almost drove backwards over a handicapped man who was getting in her car, the mother in law started yelling at the man and chaos broke out, I was the observer and judged the mother in law, everyone seen the mother in law start to drive her car backwards before the man could even get in her car. The mother in law didn’t apologize, only started yelling. I found this disturbing and yes I was beyond judging… what would you do or say when you see something not loving?
Hey Harv,
With the monkey mind in us constantly trying to show us what’s wrong, what’s going to wrong and how bad it’s going to be, it can be a phenomenal task to stay centered and just observe without judgement!
Thank you for reminding us that we CAN do this whenever we wish to!
Staying like Bill Murray says (yes, THAT Bill Murray-HA!) “present and available” is the best way to be.
Jeff
What’s been on my mind lately that is bothering me is that I got my tips taken away from me and now there sharing it with everyone and is based on hours on how they split it. I’ve been working there for ten years and always took my tips, I’m a waiter so thats not cool. I’m trying to be okay with that, is not easy for me because I was so used too keeping them. I feel like they don’t appreciate my work there anymore. I give great service. The sad part is that is family thats doing this. I think i’m going to quit because I’m not happy there anymore.
I’ve thinking in eating healthier
Not comparing myself to others. I think that’s been the biggest thing for me all year so far. I’m learning every day how NOT to do it and it’s very liberating. Being judgemental of others, well, that’s something I’m working extra hard on as well. I catch myself doing it a little too often. Once again, thanks for the reminder Harv.
Hear hear!
I really feel stressed and scared at the moment. I’m now the CEO of a training center in China and am in a very difficult situation. In the past the school got into deep debt. I came here and the place was a mess. A bunch of big children working there. Some good teachers, a majority just looking to get paid or laid.
A big chunk of our income goes to paying interest and paying off the debt. The trend is definitely improving people-wise, and education wise. We just got a new center in a good location, with a ton of foot traffic. Our current center is lost in the back end of a neighborhood isolated from the rest of the city until the subway opens next year.
We are hustling, but there is a limit to how much we can do. I’ve been feeling angry and scared a lot lately, but relaxed and upbeat at times.
Today is payday, and we’re already a month behind for our salaries.
I’m scared to tell people the truth, that there is no money, but I think it’s the right thing to do. I’ve hinted, but haven’t explicitly told most.
This is for Michael in China: I’ve been scared and angry for the better part of three weeks–pretty much the entire month of May! I don’t really know why. I’ve been living with chronic money insecurity for a very long time, so it’s not like that is new. It seems there is something else going on in the world and somehow we have to stay true to ourselves. Your basic goodness will carry you through this and every crisis. You will know how to serve those you have been put in a position to serve.
Blessings to you.
Maureen S.
Hi Harv,
it’s really amazing. I am reading this and listened to the replay of taugh love and I sooooooo can relate to this. It’s like you are saying the right things when I need them to hear exactly at the same time something happened. And I get it totally. Wow.soo coool. Thanks!!!
If you keep listening he’ll prabobly win the voting this week and thus automatically be included in the Best of show next week.Also don’t be afraid to explore other NEXT shows. If you like Ignacio I bet you’ll find other songs to fall in love with.