Lifeboat Ethics

There’s an interesting exercise in ethics I’ve taught commonly called Lifeboat Ethics, based on true stories where people on a sinking ship have to decide who should get a spot on a lifeboat and who should go down with the ship and face—at best—extreme uncertainty of whether or not they’ll survive; most likely, they face certain death.
I was always curious about the people who volunteered to give up their right to petition for a seat on the lifeboat. Why are they doing that?
‘Because it came from my heart’ is one I heard a lot—the idea of sacrifice for another. That’s kind, but is that coming from truth or a desire to be seen as “self-less” for reasons that have more to do with, say, a learned behavior of other people’s expectations that may not actually be serving their truest interests?
Here’s another one: single, unmarried people gave up their seats to people who had families. They didn’t want other kids in other people’s families to have to grow up without parents like they did.
In other words, other people’s kids and families were more important than their own well being.
Does that ring true? How does that kind of thinking work out outside of this theoretical game?
The thread that runs through all these answers is that the people who gave up their seats considered other people more important than them. For those who think, “I’ll give up my seat for others,” well … it’s pretty obvious that complacency could actually kill you!
Secondly, you’re a thief, literally. That’s because you’re robbing the world of your gifts.
Never forget that you have plenty to give. Every single person on this earth does.
In our Lifeboat Ethics experiment, a vast majority of people who chose others to live did so because the people www.healthandrecoveryinstitute.com/adderall-adhd/ they chose to live were able to articulate specific value in some kind of way—the contributions they would make not only to themselves but also to the world.
The criteria for such a choice were the clarity with which they were able to state their case and the commitment to their purpose.
Don’t ever let someone try and take your seat from you! I’m not talking about Hunger Games, fight to the last person standing. I’m saying come from an authentic place where you know exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, how you’re supposed to contribute to this world, and why it’s important that either you or your mission (bigger than you) needs to live.
There’s only one entity that can take your life from you, and that’s the One that gave it to you in the first place. It’s not up to you or anybody else to take you out.
Your contribution is essential. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t be breathing right now. Nobody takes your seat again.
When you are inspired by a great purpose, all your thoughts break their bonds and transcend limitations. Your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great wonderful world. Dormant forces—your faculties and talents—come alive. You discover yourself to be a greater person, far greater than you ever dreamed you would or could be.
Okay, now it’s your turn! Given the same choices as our “volunteers” in Lifeboat Ethics, would you still give up your seat? For what reasons? Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. I love hearing (and even learn) from each and every one of you so make sure to leave me a comment below!
For Your Freedom,







In such cases as everyone get panicked and hesitated I somehow stay calm and usually end up as the leader. I’m not a hero. I simply handle whatever I get (maybe a mental automatic state) using my talent to read people needs and motives. They trust me since they know I care for them. I won’t stop others from choose not to join as long they not manipulate\hurting others. Maybe I act differently.. But with the same passion.
Very good, well done! I agree with you!
THAT IS TRUE NOT ONLY IN THE EXTREME CASE OF GIVING A LIFE FOR A LIFE BUT WE DO THIS MANY TIME A DAY BY ALLOWING OTHER TO GO BEFORE OURSELVES. FORGETTING HOW IMPORTANT WE ARE. WE GIVE AND WE ALLOWING OTHER TO TAKE FROM US THINGS WE REALLY DESERVE. IS THERE SOMETHING INNATE WITHIN US THAT CAUSE US TO MAKE DAILY SACRIFICES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS AND EVEN TO STRANGERS THAT WE WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN?
I’d still give
Up my
Seat. I think the guilt I would have to live with would probably kill me anyways:) just sayin:)
Shalom
I hear what you’re saying!
But what if you replace this feeling with contributing with your life to something special? What if you make the effort, go extra mail, to make your life meaningful and worth of keeping a life?
I agree we are all precious wonderful creations& each has been given life&. A survival kit. In the lifeboat scenario some would be remembering what Jesus said: he who would be first will be last& he who would be last will be first” and he who lays down his life for a friend/ brother will be blessed- I don’t know the exact words but that’s the jist. So they believe they’re following God’s word. I agree it would be an act of suicide to not try to get in the boat. I personally would try to think of every possible way to get in the boat& to try& help everyone else to get in the boat eg enlarge the boat, find other boats, floating items to hold onto etc.
I have never understood about the captain going down with a ship or the titanic band playing as the ship sank- I think they could have helped find floating objects to hang onto- but respect them hugely for playing on anyway.
To put others first sometimes takes huge strength& demonstrates massive integrity rather than weakness and worthlessness
Harv. I appreciate the lesson. But. Even today I don’t understand my gifts and do not feel this peer of which you speak. I just don’t get it. Am I crazy???
I keep trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing and I have become more free over the last fee years … And it’s not for lack of trying. I’m in the Lifemakeover Coaching now … I’m making progress in my life … But I feel like I’m missing the boat.
Lou
I had to come to a new understanding. I confronted the self-sacrifice idea and came to the same conclusion you did Harv. I, like each of us, have unique abilities to contribute, and a responsibility to employ those skills to the betterment of the world. I had to confront the fear inherent in that – what if I fail in the achievement of my goals for example, or the resistance some may put in my way – and then recognize that and own up to it and face the fear, to then rise above it. It was a great excercise for me.
Hi Harv,
First time commenting, but have loved reading your articles. As far as giving up your seat, I would never in a business/career or competition situation as this is a metaphor for. In a real life situation, I agree that the assessment of who to give the seat to would be important. A child having no chance of survival w/o the seat, I would give my seat to. Not to say I would accept death, but I feel that I am strong enough to find another option. Like Jack who figured out how the pull would go when the ship sank and came up with a plan to survive. That has honour, courage and dignity. Had he survived, I don’t think he would have had to live with survivor’s remorse…and Rose lived.
Es cierto que el hecho de que alguien deje su asiento tendria que ver en su autoestima el sentirse menos y el sentir que no lo merese pero esto no es real un poder superior a nosotros nos dio este lugar q lo merecemos todos simplemente por nuestro ser el que uno decida dejar el asiento es por no saber quien eres y de donde vienes. GRACIAS POR RECORDARME QUE SOY UNICA Y ESPECIAL
I think it depends on the circumstances and who I would be giving my seat to. I would try to find a way for as many people as possible to survive, even those who could not fit into lifeboats.
As I’ve lived for quite a long time, I’d give up my seat to someone who probably has a longer time to live, and if I’m to carry on, and have my gifts brought out there in the world, then I’ll be saved, or somehow what I’m here to give will still get out there.
I appreciate this exercise as I find myself almost always feeling as though others are more important than me. And it’s for the reason that you state, that the others appear more worthy than I do. The thing I’ve learned is that I can articulate myself in the same manner that the ones I would give my seat up for do. That’s the real lesson, then maybe someone would give their seat up for me (metaphorically speaking).
I’d keep my seat, thank you. What is the answer to war and chaos, to violence in the streets? To simply say, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” is nice but just doesn’t go far enough. People’s keen misunderstanding about the source of happiness in this life, indeed, about the very purpose of this life on earth, is definitely the very root of every social problem we have. It is the root cause of war and violence in society. So many social ills can be directly traced back to this “simple” fact that people simply do not “get it” — they are very, very off-track concerning the source of happiness and the reason why they are alive that it is truly staggering. Each little point of light that can point people in the direction of where transformation and Truth actually exist — they deserve — they must — keep their seat. What other hope do we have?
I needed to read this today! I am loving The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind and my new financial blueprint and bank accounts! It has been working for me in so many ways. However, old habits die hard and I am a little scared lately about making my outgoing expenses, because I got my last paycheck from my day job. Yet, I did make a commitment to fulfill my new purpose. Tomorrow I have an interview for a new day job – I didn’t make the call they called me. With this fact I am honored. I find myself not at all excited about this new opportunity. I said several years ago I would never do this type of job and now I find myself interviewing tomorrow because I feel honored. I am so passionate about a homebased business I started 8 months ago that I am sad when I think of slowing down. This Lifeboat Ethics helps me to stay focused and I know I have a Millionaire Mind! Thank you so much!!
when first reading this I could totally see myself as the one giving my seat to others, thank you for sharing this message, I think it will help me find more value in myself….help me feel more worthy.
No, I would not give up my seat. I love myself very much and have a lot to offer others that requires me being alive.
All depends who is on the boat for me. If it were children I would give up my seat as they have a great future infront of them.
However I wouldn’t want to give my seat up for anybody else as I can’t think of any other reason why somebody else should go ahead of me.
Thank you Harv!
I did an exercise in one of your seminar where 8 people have to vote for whom gonna get the life jacket when all the other 7 will died. Each of the participant had to sell themselves to get this life jacket to be able to survive and then vote for who they think deserve it best. I voted for myself (the others did not because they wanted protect younger people) because by then I had already reach a certain level of self-confidence and self-love and I didn`t want no one to steal it from me. Was I selfish? No, because I`m a very generous and companionate woman who took 45 years to realize that she was valuable!
I’d likely want a seat.I have too many things And pieces of art I need to do before I die. They call to me regularly. 🙂
I’d get busy looking for something to use as another lifeboat. On an episode of ” Rome” 2 guys made a raft out of dead bodies !
I’m thinking I would have to follow my heart at the time, however, I totally see your point.
I am beginning to believe that I am a valuable person and I would not like to be left off that lifeboat, so I think I would fight for a place to keep my life as I have a lot of unfinished business to attend to in the living world.
Thanks Harv: My life’s experiences have led me to believe that no matter what I choose regarding my seat on the lifeboat it will make no difference to the “I live or die” results. I would stay with the ship and take my chances as I believe death will only come to me when it is ready to take me. Because I believe I have no control over when I will die, only the circumstances under which I will die I will leave the lifeboat riders to their false hopes that they “might actually be changing their life lengthening chances”. I don’t need the stress or want to deal with the guilt of taking another’s seat as I believe I will live or die when the boat sinks dependent on nothing under my control. At your request, as I have in the past, I did give this scenario a great deal of thought and although I may be right or wrong in my belief I know for sure I am calm and at peace with my decision to stay with the ship firmly believing that my decision regarding giving up my seat on the lifeboat would have no effect on my remaining life’s time allotment.
I’d put my kids in the boat before me without hesitation. After that who knows…
Really all depends on who’s in the boat. I haven’t fully realized my worth yet to this world, but I do know that I would have to give it for the children. I’ve had 24 years of life already lived, and yes I have my regrets, but with them being able to live because of my sacrifice would make me happy. They have a chance to take what I’ve done and use it to bring an even deeper meaning to their lives. Ones that they may have never had before. To add to it, that sacrifice could very will be the one thing they needed to be the next Churchhill or the next Ford.
I guess all in all since my life hasn’t really being long yet either we’ll never know who’s life really was the one that needed saving.
Reading through these comments, it is evident that we females need a lot more guidance in self-believe and self-worth! Most of us were brought up to stand back and be considerate.
Interesting read!
Until 5 years ago I would no doubt have given up my seat as I had a real `saviour`complex going like I would die on the cross like Jesus did to save other people. (I had questioned though why those people did not attempt to speak up and save him) and also I did not want someone else to die for me. Anyway I had been doing some very deep inner work and one day out of the blue I `saw` and felt at the cellular level a pattern not only running through my life but my ancestors too. I `saw` that I had always denied myself and what was important to me in favour of other people. The feelings attached to this were held (frozen) at the cellular level and could not be accessed through normal means. What had bee activated was a profound sense of `unworthiness` which no conscious reasoning was able to overcome, even though I might kid myself it could. From that day forward I have been learning to `come home to myself` and it has been very painful at times. Recently I ran into a situation which really challenged this old patterning and to my amazement I know without doubt that this `old unworthiness` is being laid to rest. It is quite strange because After finding out about this pattern I kept running into small things which might challenge and then gradually the situations got bigger, but this time I thought I can`t get a much bigger one than this. I now no longer try to `save` people and I could be doing them out of an experience they actually need, I do not know what is best for people, although I used to think I did. My martyr and saviour complex once it had been exposed to the light no longer had the power to completely control my life any more so Icould begin to let it go.
Thanks or putting up up your thoughts and the knowledge Harv.
I will never give up my seat.
Minus children and aged citizen, the rest I blieved need to fight to be on the boat. Being noble is one thing, but giving up my seat means I surrender without going to war. I believed I am better alive than dead to assist others to survive. Do remember, they need somebody to lead the boat to shore safely specially if captain stay with the sinking ship.
I like this one living below your protental
is not enlightened
Thank you for reminding me that I have a purpose for living. As much as the next guy. I thought of all the reasons why others were more important than me and deserved to live. I have given much of my life away to others. Maybe it is now time to think about living a more authentic life that would make me happy.
IT´S SOUNDS VERY ROMANTIC WHEN A PERSON ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS THAT HE OR SHE WOULD GIVE UP THEIR PLACES, BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND THAT LIFE IS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE AND IF WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY IT WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT UNTIL THE END AND REMEMBER, ONE THING IS TO CALL THE DEVIL AND ANOTHER THING IS TO SEE HIM COMING
I’d offer my lap.
Given the situation of a sinking ship with not enough lifeboats, I believe there are two mindsets one can choose to have. First, one can believe that anyone who gets a seat on the lifeboat will be safe and the others are automatically doomed. The second approach that one can take is to fully evaluate the situation and look for another option for survival. I would give up my seat in the lifeboat, but I wouldn’t give up. One could search for debris to use as a flotation device, or come up with a system to support more people in the lifeboat by taking turns in the boat and hanging onto the side until rescue comes. When faced with a crisis or a challenge it’s important not to panic about what could happen, but to use all of your ingenuity and resources to create the best possible outcome for yourself and others.
Powerful words to ponder. As I was reading this I was thinking I would have told the group I needed to be on the boats as I have a young daughter I need to be there for. I lost my mom at a young age, & wouldn’t want to put her through that. I was at one of your courses when you shared with us about being true to our purpose, & not robbing the world. I have always remembered those words. I am grateful to have heard them again today, as I am truly embracing my purpose to be what I am really meant to be: an Artist! I’m even changing my company name as we speak. Letting go of what isn’t me. Thank you Harv. You have helped me in many ways more than you know.
I enjoyed getting a glimpse further into your way of thinking.
The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind unravelled many of the beliefs from my conservative “put God first” upbringing, and I continue to work every day to push my upper limits around money and to allow more abundance into my life.
What I took from this had nothing to do with ethics. Who knows what we’d do in such a extreme scenario.
The question I’m asking myself and taking away is, “How can I make my purpose so clear and important, that nothing can stop me from making it happen?”
I love to see your mentality through this post: that when it came down to it, your purpose is more important than anything. So you’re getting on that boat, or swimming to shore if you have to, and getting it done.
This extreme dedication to your purpose is, in my opinion, what has made you so great.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I learned in the 1970’s that I should live for a cause and never die for a cause. I grew up always hearing “one for all and all for one”. If you know the sinking boat will not support live, then every one should get into the life boat and water taking turns to save all lives as humanly possible. Those who look for someone else to be ther hero, need to be told no heros. We each have to develop inner strength to live. Everyone should be reminded to bring there A game. No shorts, no sorry, no shhhhhh. Thank you.
I participated in an academy that had an ethics exercise that was similar. In this scenario we had buried miners and only enough time to get 7 of the 9 out with the available equipment. We were given back stories and told to choose the ones we would save, and why. I have the same answer here as in that exercise. If I can get one out I can get them all out. The same applies here. If there is a boat then there is something we can all do to make room for the extra person. The idea that any one persons life is more important than another is the root of all the worlds trouble. It just isn’t so. All for One and One for All allows miracles to happen and they will happen when the collective mind/energy manifests it. Self worth is an external thing given by others; self value is internal and given by me. My value is equal to yours always. That means we would rock the boat 😀
This article inspired me .
I stand on my believe no matter the challenge.
This is amazing. Here is what I would say about having a seat on the boat. This might not make sense at first but read to the end. At 2 years of age my father, a psychiatrist moved me, my mother and my baby sister to a mental institution with 5000 seriously mentally ill.people for a position he was offered. My mother’s response was to drink heavily and shortly after the move she physically left the family. My father was no where to be found as he abandoned us to his work. I was left as an orphan in an institution. Today there are 134 million orphans and I have important messages for them about roads to travel, choices to make, and true grit to thrive. My seat on this boat is a life jacket for each child.
HaHa…I laugh because this is a very similar question that was given to me during my ordination…..when we have been given an assignment from God, he expects for us to complete it…he knows what/whom we will encounter and what he has ordained for us to accomplish at our hands…..and I guess the main thing is that we always have to as much as possible know that we hear the heart of the Father in all that we do…God Bless everyone for their hearts of compassion….for I may be the one whom receives the seat they give up….
Hmm….This one made me take a very deep breath. Such a decision would be heart wrenching in all directions, and not lightly arrived to. As I have grown in maturity, I have discovered that I am bigger than my own vision–AND so is everyone else! We are all that, and more.
Dare say I would hate to be in a lifeboat based on some hierarchical principle that determines who deserves to live, or not. Who are we to make such decisions over each other? Each soul is ultimately self-determined and…what would be true to me at that moment, may not be true for someone else. I have to trust in my own deliberate ability to connect with my source, then voice (or silence) my passion–simultaneously feeling intense empathy for someone who might not join me on the journey. My heart would be stretched, divided, and ultimately broken–not finished.
That being said, I would do everything in my power to live (thrive), unless what I had to do to live became “toxic” to my being.
P.S. On a lighter, and more practical note: Knowing my resourcefulness, and my talent for “bending” rules, I would probably instigate some creative solutions to include…??? <3
All-Are-One
Well… To be honest, I can`t say for sure what my decision would be. Because I have never been in such a situation. But I would probably stay on the boat. Few weeks before i would give up the seat, but after starting my journey with self-development ( You Harv, B.Tracy) i started noticing my purpose, my contribution to the world. Thanks to You Harv. Can`t wait to see your coach at October`s Warsaw MMI.
Greetings!
I would give up my place at the life boat, because I am not afraid of death. I have seen death and felt death, and it is beautiful. And because every action has a reaction (the law of cause and effect in nature). There is also beauty in living and life it self. Life and death are different sides of the same coin, neither is greater than the other. 😉
Wow. What a mind bender this is turning out to be. Harv, you certainly know how to get a person thinking. I might need some time on this one but I’m leaning toward not giving up the seat.
I have the skills, training, experience, and current active participation with a life commitment that has helped many of the people suffering from Mental Illness and Substance Abuse as identified below. I contribute to making our society a better place, one patient at a time. I would fight for my place on the Life Boat because I also save many more lives and families when I’m doing my life work. Read Below to understand why my contributions are so valuable for us all in the task of creating safe, happy communities that support fulfilling lives for all of us.
The new study findings are from a government report outlining the extent of substance use and mental illness in the nation. The report is based on an analysis of data from the 2013 National Survey on Drug Use and Health.
It also found that 4.5 million Americans aged 12 and older said they were current (past month) nonmedical users of prescription pain relievers, 1.5 million were cocaine users, 595,000 were methamphetamine users and 289,000 were heroin users.
Almost 23 million Americans aged 12 and older required treatment for drug or alcohol use, but only 2.5 million received treatment at a specialty facility, according to the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) report.
It also found that more than 14 percent of adults aged 18 and older said they received mental health treatment or counseling in the past year, and that nearly 44 million had a mental illness in 2013.
Ten million adults aged 18 and older said they had a serious mental illness in the past year that interfered with a major life activity, according to the report.
“As we celebrate the 25th anniversary of National Recovery Month our nation can be proud of the strides made in successfully promoting the power of recovery from mental and substance use disorders,” SAMHSA Administrator Pamela Hyde said in a government news release.
“However, throughout our nation thousands still needlessly suffer the ravages of untreated substance use and mental disorders. We must reach out to all people with unmet need so that they can return to lives full of hope, well-being and fulfillment,” she added.
Harv rocks! Enjoyed MMI, twice, first time many years ago… Bought MMI on CDs, started wearing it out, made copies, and started wearing them out! Good stuff. Will go again in the near future with my almost teenage son. Such a different perspective than the financially poor family and friends I found myself surrounded by. “I get rich doing what I love. I deserve to be rich because I add value to other peoples’ lives.”, was a real difference maker for me. Helped me get congruent – before that, getting rich carried too many feelings of guilt. Went from growing up poor, to now, at age 45, I have 35 rental properties, no job besides them, decent income, home, etc., and poised to only get better. Now attributing all of that to Harv’s teachings, but they definitely contributed. Find myself going back to them time and again, and always wondering why more people don’t ‘get it’. Easy – when I was poor, I didn’t ‘get it’ either. Thank you Harv for carrying out your mission, sharing with the rest of us!
This is an abundant life. Everyone has something to get, and to give!
Hello Big Harv’s the truth. We have to give more than we think and that only our credende and our fears prevent us from acting and go towards our dream, with perseverance and gratitude. I chose long time ago to pursue my dream of freedom and contribute my knowledge to improve those people who, like I was, are asleep because they do not have the right information.
I can !!!-) I have a mind millioner from italy
Dear Harv
Life is an undiscribe gift of all feelings. I can write billions of pages about’t, and see’t from trillion prospectives, but one truth remain, what life mean to each one of us. For me I adore every moment of’t with all what in’t, Life itself trigger the essence of my whole being to live’t, and experience all the wonders of being me. God create me for purposes not only one, and this is a fact, and I’m not being poetic when I said this, its from my own journey, that this passion was created, with every experience I had, cause I choose to feel’t this way, and not seeing’t from other’s prospective since my early age as a child of war till this day as a grand mother in country of chaos and wars of others in it, every day is a new beginning, and such life give you an incredible power beyond your own capacity, to cherish life, and stretch your potentials, understanding, and strengths to no limits, and totality of possibilities, to discover who you really are a *super human being* who can live for eternity when he unleash his true power of love to life and others. This is our essence to live not to die. So its not about giving or not my seat in life boat, its about how much you love your life and the lives of others that will trigger in you a power and intelligence beyond your wild understanding to save yourself and all the others, and believe me, cause I been in this situation many many times, but with different circumstances, and we all get out alive and still living our wonder life. Faith in life can do wonders, this what all the heavenly books try to make us understand, but Jesus meant literately that with a faith of mustard’s seed you can move mountains, cause I and everyone I know in my life we did’t, so you too Harve, and look where are you know, and the huge number of lives you saved and still saving due to your love of life itself. I adore you man you are one of a kind. You are God’s Masterpiece.
I played the same game at a personal development training and I gave up my seat. My reason was I know where I would be when I die, so I wanted others whose eternal destiny is not guaranteed to have the opportunity to find out. The trainer gave me a sobering coaching after the game, and I changed my decision: I would fight for a seat if I face the same situation again. Reading this article reminded me of my decision and commitment. Thank you!
T. Harv Eker, for the 1st time since I started reading you, I disagree 100% with what you write in this lesson. First, not giving my place to someone on a sinking ship because I have more to contribute? B.S.! It comes from the heart, and I know I would do it, and I do not think that’s because that person would have something to contribute that I don’t have. We ALL have something to contribute, and the Universe (consciousness, if you want to call it that) needs all our contributions. Yes, I would give my place for a child and for a family with children. Would I do it under the stress of knowing that death is close–only God (consciousness) and my subconscious would know. Would I have the same behaviour in a business deal, I hope not for my sake. In other areas besides life and death, I would have a tendency to give easily. That’s where I make the distinction. As to experiments and statistics, stats are stats and they refer to group behaviour and not to inidividuals. I don’t trust them and I prefer to take my chances on individuals, no matter how imperfect we all are. That’s it, just spoke my peace. Have a great day!
I recently just did this in our sales group. One sales consultant eyeing for a position in our group is short of sales. I have a certain number of sales. The fact that even I register the sales under my name and not carry the points over the next sales period pointless (because we have to maintain a certain number of points per sales period) and with just the sales I have it would be pointless. So what I did is to transfer and register all my sales to my group mate who is eyeing for a position and had all the points register in his name. He made the position with every points he needed plus the sales to boost him up. I was happy I had contributed to one person’s happiness and achievement.
Sono certa che avrei detto: Lascio il mio posto ha mia figlia lei ha il diritto di vivere, io ho già vissuto. Il tuo punto di vista Harv mi ha posto in una posizione di difficoltà. Hai ragione quando dici che non siamo noi i padroni di togliere o dare la vita. Credo che incomincio a pensare che nono sono Dio e non posso salvare tutti. Io devo salvare me per permettermi di compiere il meglio. Grazie
tendria miedo a equivocarme?
The abandonment is dificult to overcome, hard to understand, thats why many people give up their seat. I know it well, I used to be that way, until I readed “codependency no more”. Melody Betty’s book.
Grow is a personal path, your purpose is onceself. No matter your past. The only way is go forward.
As JESUS said “Father I’ve done your command”.
I don’t think you mean we should fight for a seat that might be taken by someone less valuable than myself. Or that the lifeboat should be filled with self-serving people. It’s an illustration of how often we don’t give enough value to who we are. Who am I? I hope I am someone strong enough to put someone else’s needs above mine, but also secure enough to confidently give of myself in valuable, beneficial ways that inspire others to strive for limitless achievement. Then again, I may have missed the point entirely. 🙂
muy buena reflexión. Confundimos los actos de bondad con nuestro valor como personas. Pero en una circunstancia de vida o muerte, sobrevive el que más agallas demuestra, ganando su ocupación en el bote salvavidas. =)
I think the world of you Harv x an office and a gentleman x my man in the moon and saviour at a time when I needed it x love Virginia x
build a bigger lifeboat.. if one persons contribution is to give the seat that may be, someone steps up to find away for all to keep on giving their gifts to the world all the better
Hi everyone,
Life is a gift, I agree. And we should realize, as best as we can, that we are important, we are kings and queens on this earth. However, life is also just life. Our body is just our body. When I die, I will have lived. The life boat will be there for me if it’s not my time, otherwise… on to the next great adventure. Blessings
As for the boat- dude, I don’t care if I have to hold onto the SIDE of the boat from the water- I’m GOING TO SURVIVE because I’m a single mom of 2 and they need me.
Yet your other example brought something to my attention.
I was raised to give up my seat. Even when I was pregnant or wearing my child, I’d stand up on the bus and offer others (didn’t matter age or race) my seat. And in every relationship it has been his wants that have happened, not mine.
So how do the self-less people take care of themselves without being jerks to people because the world still needs kindness?
Hi Harv, This particular case is more of an exception than the rule. We may have seen such “giving up” in Hollywood movies. But, giving up for another amounts to telling everybody that “my life is less important”. This amounts to insulting The One.
Thanks for the valuable lesson Harv.
I did that Excercise with you years ago and I got a place on the lifeboat not because I thought I deserved it but because I thought my purpose and passion was life changing for families. Interesting enough it has taken me 12 years since that time to get that I am worth saving and the best gift and legacy I have is me because I am ME. Thanks for setting me on this path that has been rewarding and impactful like I never imagined! Hearts off to you. 🙂
I’d grab my seat on the boat and once I’m secure I’d help others to get a seat and point them to empty seats.
Me encanto el ejemplo del asiento en el bote salvavidas,
eso es lo que en la escuela se enseña, pero es en cierta
forma una educacion pasiva, la educacion de sacarse las
castañas del fuego es mejor, hacer luz en este mundo para
que mas personas vean referentes y salgan de la oscuridad
es mejor, ojala en un futuro cercano hayan muchos ejemplos
a seguir, de los que inspiran a vivir una vida plena.Gracias ..
Thank you for this lesson, Harv. I would try to get a seat first for my children, if they are there. I love them.
I think I would give up my seat because I am in my 70’s and would want someone who has their whole life ahead of them to survive. I would give up my seat but do think I would jump in the water and hold on to the side of the boat just in case we were rescued before the sharks got me.
Every time I have participated in that activity or one like it I have been chosen for the lifeboat whether I “campaigned” for it or not. That used to really puzzle me until I realized that people were seeing value in me that I wasn’t seeing in myself. Once I understood that I decided to see myself differently and so now choose to always advocate myself and the value I bring to the world. It has been a long journey from where I was to here and I still have a long way to go and much more to contribute. It’s worth it, I’m worth it, and you’re worth it!
I love the way you look at things. You have this different vision, and vision is what makes the difference. If I were in that situation I would fight for my life, not because I’m doing very well because I’m not. but I haven’t lived my life to its fullest. and I know that I can be useful; I can be helpful , I can be someone who can make a difference. So I must do my best, I must do all I can. I must not give up easily. As you once said, we are just gonna be here in this world once. I’m gonna do all I can to be the one I want. If I fail then, that’s a different story, other than that I will never stop trying. God Bless.
This reminds me of the film ‘saving private Ryan’ when the older Ryan asks ‘am I a good man’ and was the sacrifice worth it. So it really is up to us to make sure (if we elbow our way on the boat) to make damn sure it is WORTH IT!
I still believe based on the situation I would give up my seat. However, what I know realize from your teachings is that I will not be so eager to give away my seat “all” the time. It’s my time now to win for my family. Unless I’m giving up the seat for them, then I’m not doing it.
Thank you
I feel I have an advantage. Without my direct input, as a young lad, I died in a car accident. I decided not to stay dead. Every day is a grateful day. I’m amazed every morning that I get a chance to do it again. The value of a life is not the value of one over another, it is an unseen value. Do not judge the value, live it. You never know what’s going to happen that places you at the top of the value ladder. The airplane rule..put your own mask on first, then help the other person beside you.
I have learned it the hard way! After giving up my seat over and over again, I ended up being frustrated at age 55 when I discovered that everyone I gave up my seat for moved forward in llife while I not just stayed at the same place but moved backward in life. No one els to blame but my self, but not for long. I recovered and moved years past them all in just 2 years.
T.H. don’t under estimate the influence of religion and culture!
NO. I will not give up my seat. I know do live for reasons and I intend to fulfill that and to contribute a piece of myself to every person I encounter and will encounter in the future.
Thank you for the confirmation.
My tendency would be to give up a seat as I’ve always had low self-esteem issues plus I’m now 69 on Saturday so I would probably be one of the oldest. However, after reading your blog, I believe I need to reconsider as I can still contribute immensely to this world and it’s people God created.
I founded BeautyMoms in Germany to make the world of mothers more easier and beautyful. I never give up my seat anymore. Thanks you for your lesson!
Now I understand. Thank you Harv. I will never let anyone take my seat!
Very good, well done! I agree with you!
I have only given up my seat when I have been given an alternative better than originally presented. I gave up a plane seat going from the UK to Orlando once. I was told I would be booked on a later flight. I was in no hurry to get back, so I volunteered. A few minutes later, I was called to the desk and was told had a seat for me after all. As I entered the plane and was ready to turn right to go to my seat, I was directed to turn left, into First Class. Now, that was worth giving up my seat.
Before reading your artical it would have been easier for me to have given up my seat but now i the more i think of what you have said the more it makes sense,why because everyones contribution to this world is lmportant and every one has his or her part to play.
That was a pop right to my face. I give up my seat because I don’t like conflict. This very thing happened last night at work where I have been given the authority to make decisions and I allowed someone to argue with me as a result I said do what you want. Knowing this was unexceptional I did and at the end of the day was reminded by management to NOT let things get to me and I have his support. Soin reading this I now know I’m able to be strong and stern without being confrontational. Thank you!
Initially when I read this I was thinking I would not get on the boat. Then when I spent some time thinking about it, I realized that in my life I have already gotten off of a sinking boat and onto a life boat in the unknown. It’s not up to me to decide who goes, who stays, but it is up to me to do the best I can with the life I have been given. So it would be, look, choose, move and get in the boat for me.
If you have watched the movie “Saving Private Ryan”, you have contemplated this situation in your own mind. To consider if you are worthy enough and why others would give up their life for you, will have a tremendous impact on your life should you live. That my friend is how we should all look at our lives on this lifeboat called earth and consider how we impact others in this boat each and every day.
I am no longer giving up the seat
I spent 3 years of my life giving and giving but I have made a choice to stop and start giving myself…Giving all the time is exhausting especially when the receiver doesn’t appreciate at all. So no I deserve that lifeboat seat, I’m not giving it up.
I am committed to offer my seat for others including my family ! why? Because I believe in my self… I believe in my soul… I believe in God. Birth and Death is not in our control. If today is my last day of life then I have to go …nobody .no circumstances can stop me … but if today is not my last day of life than no tsunami…No Titanic…No circumstances will effect me…! I will 100% survive with lots of pain and Joy.
What you sow so shell you reap!!
If I help others…according to this law sooner or later god will help me in any form…that’s the universe law….and we have not created universe…universe has created us.
Helping others always give you good positive feeling of satisfaction. If you are in good feelings then always good things happen with you. Remember getting blessing of others are always helpful and you will grow further.
Help as many as people in getting what they want…You will get what you want! If I help people in getting seat in life boat(Life) than some how miracle happen I will definitely get life boat or life later on.
And there is no need to scare of death , its just an end of our Journey of this human body life.We will take instantly rebirth at some other place in new body.. don’t know human or animal or plants!!
What ever Life time I have enjoyed thanks to God for every thing that he gave to me. And thanks for choosing me to help others to save others life….I am happy…I am feeling free…freedom…and Life is all about Freedom….get freedom in all areas of you life…thank you for reading my thoughts..God bless everything ! –Raj
Hi Harv…I am a big fan and I had to really think about this. The only people I would give my seat to would be my kids–I know self-preservation is instinctual and I am no martyr. I would have survivor’s guilt that I would have to work through. I would save myself and would be crying the whole time doing it.
I help people get clarity on those lodge propose so they can share their gifts with the world. I refuse to give up my seat because every spark of brightness I help ignite enlightens the world. How could I give THAT up? It’s not just me, but the 100’s of others I could be helping!
Wow! Amazing how many people really took this exercise to heart and poured their soles into the pain and anguish. Before I say anything, I just want to applaud all those who came and played at 100%!!!! I guess in my up bringing, I have a tendency to do all things in Love! Laying down your life for another certainly does have to be weakness and absolutely not steeling or ripping off the world because of the gifts you may not be able to share after laying your life down for someone else! the word say that we’ll know no greater Love than one who will lay down his life for another. I actually have a tendency to be an optimist. I just believe that somehow, some way, I’ll figure out a way to survive. The word also says that God will make a way where there seems to be no way. So with that perspective I guess I just believe.We all get to make our own choices. We can choose fear and doubt which will often lead us to death. Or we can choose to believe, to trust, to know. I believe that as we choose to believe we can change the circumstances of reality and we begin to draw in a way of escape. In this case it my be another boat or a helicopter or floating debris but the point is to make your choice and then believe to the point of never giving up! Choices will revolutionize your life if you let them.
I will NEVER give up my seat again. My adult son and I took part in an experiential work shop. Our group played out the life boat game. I had three chances to take a seat (represented by 3 popsicle sticks I held in my hand), as did everyone else including my son. I gave up two to other people reserving the third to give to my son so he could take his place in the life boat. I didn’t even think to keep one seat for myself. As I watched others take their turns, giving away their seats, some keeping them. It was my sons turn to make the round. And by watching me, he did exactly the same thing. My son gave up his seat. Once the game was over it was explained and pointed out to me that children watch their parents and repeat most behaviors. I sobbed uncontrollably knowing that I had just taught my own child that his life is not important enough. It is a learned behavior. Im trying to correct the poor teachings and working hard to recover myself through fellowship. This opportunity has come at the right time for me.