The Hardest Opponent You’re Ever Going To Have To Face Is YOU
There’s a part of us that keeps control over us. Have you ever noticed this about the mind?
You say things to yourself like, “I know I shouldn’t beat myself up about making a mistake,” but then you do it anyway and it makes you feel worse.
Does anybody see a problem with this? It happens all the time, but here’s the problem: you cannot win this kind of conversation. There’s no debate. It’s got you. When you enter into a conversation between the mind, you will lose.
Stop the conversation. It’s not about thinking, “It’s okay, I made a mistake,” or “You’re a bad person for missing (blank).” Just cancel the conversation.
“You don’t understand. I didn’t do what I said I was going to do, and so now I want to improve.” Stop! Remove yourself from the conversation.
“Harv, what should I put my attention on if it’s not that conversation?”
Well, what are you doing right now? “I was on my computer. I was doing my emails, and this one thing came up, and I realized I hadn’t done ____.” Stop.
Go back to your email later, or go to a different email and come back to this one when you’re ready to drop the whip, and you can just say, “I didn’t do that, so I’ll do it tomorrow.” Whips don’t work.
Next, you begin a new habit of relaxation–something that takes your mind off of what you did or didn’t do today, or yesterday, or five years ago, or whatever.
You could say, “I really need to do my yoga and 15 minutes of stretching every morning. That’s something I really need to do.”
Let me tell you what will happen. For the first day you’re going to say, “Way to go! You said you were going to do it, and you did it. You kept your word. You’re a warrior. You’re awesome!”
Now you say, “This is really good. I’m going to do it another day.” The next day you do your yoga, and you go for 15 minutes. What do you say to yourself this time? “Good job. Very good. That’s great. What else do I have going on here?”
The third day you do your yoga for 15 minutes. What does your mind say?
Your mind says, “That’s great you did your yoga, but you didn’t send that email you were supposed to send. What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that? You never do what you say you’re going to do. What is the matter with you?”
Of course, the one day of yoga you miss out of the next 10 days, your mind is going to beat the crap out of you, too. Do you see what’s happening here?
The whole conversation sucks. Just let go of the conversation, and put your attention on the present moment, or if you’re going to do anything, put your attention on something more positive.
In one of my camps when I’m teaching, I put on a miner’s light on my forehead. When you shut off the lights, it shines in a certain area. That’s what we do. We focus our attention.
When you’re stuck in that useless self-conversation you’re focusing your attention on your mistakes, your problems, or what you didn’t do, so move your head and shine your light on something that you did really well.
You might say, “I didn’t do anything really well.” Did you get up this morning? Yes. Okay, you did that pretty good. That’s a good thing. A lot of people didn’t do that.
What’s one other thing? “I made my kid breakfast.” That’s wonderful. That’s a good thing. What’s one thing that’s going right for you? “I’m doing pretty decent in my badminton.” That’s great. Change the conversation, or stop it altogether.
The only way to really win the conversation, though, is to not be in it. Take a nice, deep breath, focus on something positive or focus on the present.
Feel free to share … what’s the conversation you’re having with yourself these days? What’s your best strategy to stop the conversation? Share your thoughts … we want to hear from you!
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I am brasilian and sorry for some mistakes in writing.
I’ve read de “Secrets of millionaire Mind” and this was helpfull.
So now I want to become more rich and I’d like a simple tips. What would you say to me?
You read the book “Secrets Of the Millionaire Mind”. Now Do the things talked about in the book. Don’t look for perfection, but look for improvement. Keep Reading and Doing.
I struggled with this for my whole life until someone recommended reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Just realizing that that voice I was listening to is my ego helped me so much to stop that train of incessant thoughts, mostly negative but sometimes arrogant, that filled my mind all the time. Ending those thoughts entirely isn’t possible, because we are human. Stopping them before they do damage is possible with practice.
Hmm… Useful advice
So true!
Sage advice, and a great story to reinforce how important it is to control the conversation in your head and in your heart. Thanks, Harv, appreciate the lesson!
I’ve had a very low self esteem for a long time, in particular when dealing with others. Only very recently after attending the Millionaire Mindset Seminar, I felt I needed to re-address my ‘thinking’ blueprint. I started making declarations loud and clear to re-confirm to myself about my new beliefs. This actually made me feel good! So now I have taken the liberty of writing down my new ‘thinking’ programme and putting them across in the form of declarations and reading them out to myself when ever I get the chance. I find this gets my ‘mind chatter’ to focus on the new thinking for awhile before it needs charging again. Also, I’ve noticed if I stumble across the old thinking, it does not hold any feelings or emotions for me, as it did once upon a time.
I intend to make this a daily activity as part of my early morning routine 🙂
Great advice, Harv, and perfectly timed. Thanks!
Wow this helped so much. Thank you Harv. This happens to me a lot.
I have read ‘Secrets of the Millionaire Mind’ six times, and continue to study it and try to put the wealth files into practice every day. I have even identified my financially limiting beliefs about money (rebellious second child, strict, stingy father) but my financial progress (yes I am moving in the right direction) is too slow. l can very much identify with these useless internal conversations you write about, but I find it extremely difficult to stop them – particularly when things aren’t working out.
Hi Mr. T. Harv Eker! I am glad for your great effort in inspiring and triggering our potential towards wealth creation and growth beyond our-self imposed limits. I am focusing on establishing a joint property-trading company and an educational program that teaches subjects like leadership, entrepreneurship, personal finance and investment which are not taught in our Kenyan schools. I trying to learn how to overcome my wife’s lack of sound education and her affinity to spending rather than generating money. she is very adamant and resistant to change or not willing to learn on how to run a family business and manage funds wisely.
Now that’s choice! Wow, so simple and yet I was blind to it. Thanks a lot dude. It’s my mind and I choose to continue a conversation or stop it dead in its tracks. I already do it with people anyway, so I’ll just make the shift in my mind and do it with my mind. Cheers
Espanol
Thank you for this lesson and it appeared in my inbox just at the right moment in time. For the past couple of days I’ve found myself in a downward spiral with negative thoughts about all the things that I’ve not been doing in recent times and it all left me feeling utterly miserable and hopeless of ever getting to where I want to go.
Your lesson has served as a ‘wake-up’ for me to redirect my thoughts and thought patterns.
Thank you!
It’s financial. Look at the mess u made again. “You’ll never get out of it. You will loose everything again. Just give up and quit.” When.. On the other hand…. Things are turning around for the better.. But how do I
Pay for things omg
Change thinking.
I have to say thank you t Harv Eker really I love to read your book, I learn so much, thank you again, now I have to put my mind in order,
What I say to myself is that I’m doing great, and that I know I’ll do better tomorrow!
What works best for me? Just changing the focus, like you mentioned. But, also like you mentioned, it’s best to just remove yourself completely from the conversation. For anyone who wants to go deeper with this stuff, check out a book called ‘Soul Without Shame’ by Byron Brown. Stellar stuff!
Thank you , a great lesson learnt today.
I really appreciated reading this from Harv because this is something I really struggle with in my life. In fact, I sat down to read this because I was beating myself up over not working on a project that I wanted to complete by the end of the month. The thing is, Iove this project, but at the start of November I promised myself I would work on it at least a little bit each day and then I realized this evening I had gone three days without doing anything so I started to beat myself up. Since I knew this was not productive, I decided to read something that would inspire me and that’s when I saw this message from Harv. This has been my strategy recently–when I get down on myself, I stop the conversation by listening to something uplifting. Some of it has been Wayne Dyer, some Harv, some Joel Osteen. I am slowly finding success in stopping the beatings. Trust me when I say that I was the queen of this type of behavior and a few weeks ago I decided I just needed it to stop.
I don’t know how, but the lessons that come up are so perfectly timed with the situations we are in. Thank you Harv, another awesome read this morning.
I’ve listened to an inner voice that disturbed me to act. I realized that I needed to fight him to go to his goal and I got it. I stopped listening to the inner voice less. I became more successful, self-confident, began to develop and gain new knowledge.I’m on my way to great wealth.
Dear Harv, i have been reading Cheri Huber’ book “I dont want to, i dont feel like it”. I could identify very well with it and now your words reinforce what i figured was the problem that i had been facing. Please suggest some more methods or trainings so that more permanent results can be obtained.
Thank you for reminding me! Good lesson for me, thanks
What I like and find brilliant about T. Harve’s lessons, is that we have to keep it simple!! I did a lot of self growth things in the past and did not know that I could apply the same principles to my financial life! I love to see that my financial life does not have to be seperate from my spiritual life! It’s all the same! Today’s lesson reminds me of that once again and gives me hope, no, assurance that I will continue to grow in all spheres of my life! Actually, I am growing now!! Thank you Harv for your messages and thank you all for sharing!
What I do when negative thoughts enter into my mind is to focus on the higher power in my life.
The moment you recognize your worst enemy in the mirror then tell him/her to get out of the way of opportunities ahead or he/she will regret it for the rest of their life. Thanks Harv, it took time but I shut the enemy up years ago after I read the “The Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind”.
It takes a lot of conscious effort to keep on top of your mind. Many of us are not even aware that we are our own worst enemy. I’ve dedicated the first chapter of my book ‘Survive Life and Live It Up’ to ‘Your Inner Voice’ and how you can consciously reprogram yourself from negative to positive thinking. When you were young, learning how to walk took conscious effort, but once you had the skill mastered, the knowledge shifted from your conscious mind to your subconscious.Similarly, your negative thinking has been hardwired into our subconscious, so now it requires conscious effort to turn every thought around and make it a positive one. The good news is that once you do this with an iron will and persistence, that inner voice gives up with surprising speed and starts feeding you positive thoughts. You become aware of when you engage in negative self talk and that puts you in the driver’s seat.
Hey T Harv,
It’s interesting how we all think. Right now I’m more balance than I was about 10 years ago. Why? Because of how I think and how different it is now compared to back then. I make an effort to focus on the moment. I have the mentality of either I win or I learn. I also see that if I miss put on a project or routine there’s always going to be something to remind me and that I’m still doing great at whatever I do. Especially with coming out of the comfort zone!
Thanks for sharing T Harv! Have a good one!
I have had great success with following what Eckhart Tolle teaches about just becoming the observer of those ridiculous thoughts and bantering. At first it would take me a while to recognize that I was having this sick thinking, rehashing old wounds. But now I catch myself quicker and quicker. Now I laugh as I realize the voice is there for only a brief time and as soon as I ‘recognize’ it, it looses its power and its steam. I also spend a lot and I mean a lot of time listening to many, many positive recordings, webinars of happy, productive, successful people. Success being defined as moving toward a worthy goal. Thanks for your article and all the follow ups. Life Matters, If not Now; when?
I went through a period of time where I was faced with many problems and had to make many big life decisions. I would spend my whole day and night trying to sort out solutions and I couldn’t do anything else. I found myself not listening to people around me because all I was listening to was this inner conversations of what I should do. A wise priest told me to set aside an hour of the day to write all conflicts down and write down their possible solutions. When the hour was up put the pen down and not think about until the next day at the assigned time. In the days ahead anytime I was thinking about these issues I was to change the subject by taking a walk, calling a friend, praying, reading a book,etc. The first day I spent the hour with pen in hand and fought to turn away from all thoughts regarding these issues. For the first time I was really attentive with my family members and played and laughed more than I had in a long time. The next day I only spent a half hour writing everything down, and then 15 minutes and then just a few minutes. My life and my mind was clear and awesome. An yes, it was a scary time but it all turned out fine. I am very grateful for the advice that was given to me…it helped me y o conquer fear and g o live joyfully in the moment.
This came at just the right time. I have been in the habit of fighting with the voice inside my head that beats me up. Your words really hit home. The whip doesn’t work. New approach – just leave the conversation. (Damn…I already feel better.) I can also focus on something positive about myself. I can see now why you include this in the 90 Day Wealth Conditioning Challenge. I haven’t been to an MMI, yet, but I am doing the challenge with my Mastermind Partner who went recently. I can’t wait to attend an MMI in the spring! All the best!
I thanks so much sir T. Harv Eker .. [ in my situation it is about automatization ] thanks for atention
I have beenwaiting to read this and now it is true that your greatest enemy is yourself, to conquer and beat tyhis is my priority and concern, now I know that if you try with the best of your ability , you get what you want. thank you
I would say that at age 62 I must be guilty of this type of thinking since I started school. Gave everything to my career as insurance broker, created a reasonable lifestyle, but no savings. Today I am looking at almost retirement age and no savings to retire on. The negative voice just does not stop and it is influencing me towards suicide. I am fighting this with all my heart and your advice will help me to overcome this problem and concentrate on a new career in marketing with my son’s Website creation company. I have ordered the Wealthy Marketer from you today and will not rest until I have read through a few times and ensure that I apply whatever you advise. I have not yet started but was highly impressed with your marketing advice in today’s seminar. God Bless You.
I quickly tell myself to focus on the good and think about what I want. The mind obeys and does what I tell it