3 Effective Ways To Release A Nagging, Negative Emotion Immediately
Do you have ongoing feelings that are just there constantly; that irritate, upset, or disappointment you?
When I talk to a lot of students, I get the feeling that a lot of people feel disappointed in parts of their lives. They feel disappointed, frustrated and think, “Why can’t I fix this? Why can’t I be where I want to be? Why can’t I do or have what I want to have? I don’t understand. I’m trying. I feel like I don’t have any control over this.”
That’s very frustrating, isn’t it?
When you have these feelings, I want to offer you this:
First, it’s important to get in touch with your feelings in the first place. The more you hide them, the more they’re under the surface, the more they get lodged into the cells of your body, and they stay there and they stick like poison. They stay there forever until you acknowledge them by bringing them up to the surface and articulating them. If you don’t have anyone to articulate them to, pick up a piece of paper, a pencil or pen, and journal your feelings.
I promise you this is huge because I know that I’ve gone from feeling like semi-crap recently for many weeks, to feeling pretty good. It all started with me articulating my feelings, getting in touch with them; being able to open up about them even if no one’s around, and I began journaling as well.
Secondly, it’s accepting that you and I are just human beings, that we will have feelings, that we’re not weak for having these feelings; that they’re not negative feelings. Feelings are feelings. It’s only you and I that make them positive or negative. We all do this to ourselves. The most important thing is to recognize that you’re the one who’s labeling these feelings. Otherwise they aren’t anything but what they are: feelings.
Lastly, do things that make you feel good about you. When you can’t do as much as you’d like to, the worst thing you can do to your happiness and state of mind is make yourself feel bad about yourself. If you can’t do something outdoorsy because of injury limitations, or can’t go where you want to go because you’re broke, engage your mind in something: reading, writing, whatever your down-time thing is, do it!
Embarrassment is not bad. Disappointment is not bad. I’m not saying they’re necessarily good, but everything is neutral. Remember that. I needed to get a kick in the pants recently to remember it.
The most important thing you can learn to do is get in touch with your feelings and be able to articulate them.
Once they’re out there, it’s not that hard to release them. All you have to do is look at them, and they won’t look so scary anymore.
That’s why it is essential that you begin to see what’s inside of you because what’s inside is always going to come out.
When you’re angry, people smell it on you. You don’t have to tell anyone you’re angry. They already know, or they know there’s something going on with you, and they’re not attracted to it.
I’m not saying that it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s not a good thing if it festers inside of you and you don’t bring it to the surface.
Trust me…I will be following my own advice, and I will be doing this same exercise as you on a continuous basis.
I really learned something literally in the last few days about the importance of my feelings: that they’re okay, and to make sure they don’t get stuck inside.
Try this on for an exercise. It’s an old idea from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way and it’s called the Morning Pages.
Every morning, before you brush your teeth even, write non-stop and whatever is on your mind without editing, for 5-10 minutes. No matter how ridiculous, how vulgar (respect your privacy, of course), how immature, childish, whatever…just write!
See how that feels for a few mornings, then tell us what you think. Share as much as you’d like, but tell us about the experience. We want to hear from you!
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I totally agree with Harv, we’re all human, all in the same soup. Releasing inner obstacles is the key to moving forward. There are many ways to release, my chosen technique is the Emotion Code. Thanks for all you do, Harv!
As always, Mr. Harv is a master explaining things we don’t completely understand. He just go to the point and make everything so clear. Thank you for your advice. You are the best!
Thank you T. Harv Eker, many of the achievements or failures have to do with our emotional blocks that they are the product of our past experiences and of a self-image that is defective, contact them, it allows us to raise awareness, observe them, expressing them and release them for better human development. Thanks for sharing also the richness of the human being. Greetings from Mexico City. Omar Mata
Great advise Harv! You’re so correct as we usually try to hide our feelings hoping that they’d disappearnot realizing that the more we confront our feelings (whether by
writing or talking with someone etc)the better we feel. Thanks for sharing!
This is awesome. Thanks Harv!
Ii did this last year after reading Melody Beattie’s book Make Miracles in Forty Days.
She said when you first wake up, have a pen and paper ready and write down for ten minutes, the things you are least grateful for in your life. I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but the first morning I wrote four pages. There were things on that list that I hadn’t thought about in decades! Anyway, by the end of the first week I was only writing positive things. I had gotten most of it out of me, and it felt great (I assume there are probably still some hidden things that didn’t get out). She also had you list people you haven’t forgiven, and when I wrote the names down without consciously thinking about it , I was amazed who ended up on my list. Then I forgave them, and it was such a relief.
I am a kindy teacher in Australia. After reading this article, I am ramping up my commitment to helping the children in my care get in touch with, and then process their feelings through talking them out, rather than (inadvertently) getting the children to shut them down like so many other adults do. (“Be brave” “let’s do something to distract you from feeling that” “you were crying in the middle of the night with a bad dream?? .. how annoying for your mother!”)
“Name it to tame it” was a line that Dr Dan Siegel uses regarding upsetting emotions, so I will also commit to helping the children name their emotions. Thanks for the reminder of the importance of expressing vs suppressing, Harv!
Thank you. Great points. Recently I’ve been telling people one more phrase in addition to what you wrote. Feelings are not positive or negative, but they can be “painful or enjoyable.” Just because they are painful doesn’t mean they are bad or negative. Painful feelings warn us about danger, but we need to feel them, to get them out, not squash them inside of us, where they build up pressure. We need to feel or release all of them.
I’ve found that “painful or enjoyable” helps people to let go of the negative or positive labels.
Also, I’ve found the Sedona Method to be quite helpful with feeling and releasing feelings.
Thank you, you’re awesome!
Thanks Harv, I have had exactly this experience and did exactly as suggested (prior to reading this today) over the last week. I used writing to get it out and felt immediately better, I used reading to make me feel good about myself when I couldn’t afford to do other things and I remembered how to say “no” to the overwhelming amount of things others wanted me to do for their own motivations. Pants kicked over here too!
Thank you, Harv and Jesse, for a wonderful article! Right in time!
Thank you Harv, great advise!!!
I remember what is was like to not feel good in my skin, to be angry, sad, and frustrated. At the time though, I knew I had to just be with it and feel it and move through it no matter how long it took.
I had a friend, he passed on last September, that came to me with the question “Are you still pissed off?” I answered with justification and righteousness “Yes I am!” He then said to me “Well it was never about you.” The next day I did not wake up angry. From that point I got better, I started feeling better, and today I consider it a life saving moment because I really did not like myself when I was angry. It’s not my natural state.
So for me, surrendering to feeling the pain, recognizing that I am powerless over some things, acceptance of a “no” and trusting that there is a Higher reason for that “no” has helped me to be at peace.
Thank you for this writing. I am much better at letting it go now than earlier in my life. I have completed doing the Morning Pages with Julia Cameron. I found great value in doing this. I also recommend her work in my practice.
Right now I am feeling pretty scared. I’m venturing into a new career based on my passion of drawing cartoons working as my own boss freelancing. I have no idea what I am doing so the fear of the unknown is great to me. Some things are falling into place while other things are falling apart. Such as my car just died and I don’t have the money to repair it at the moment. And some kind of mistake on my part made me lose my insurance for the car anyways. Not sure how to pay bills or even eat as I start out. However somebody just bought me a brand new Imac and someone else got me the entire Adobe Suite all free for me because they believe in my talents. Also just got paid for my first artwork for a client. Wasn’t much, but it’s a start. So some things seem to be coming together miraculously and other parts of my life are a nightmare, mainly finances. A very confusing time for me, but I will not give up hope no matter what. Without a car that means I have no choice but to draw draw draw and use the internet to search for new clients to make the money I need. I try my best to use my creativity to turn whatever I have, even problems, into opportunity. Because I will follow and pursue all of my dreams and won’t let anything stop me. That’s what I always think. I don’t have much money now and I’m scared? Don’t let that stop you is what I tell myself! Reading as much of your book as I have has already started giving me the Millionaire mindset! Just because I don’t have much now don’t mean I won’t have a million dollars in the future. I sure as heck ain’t gonna let where I’m at financially right now stop me from moving full speed ahead to a better life because I know to climb the highest mountain you got to start from the bottom one step at a time all the way up. It’s good to know even a guy like you goes through emotional problems same as me. Makes me know I’m not alone. Thank you Harv!
This is great!