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Poor Receivers Don’t Get Rich

Receiving the Keys

What kind of receiver are you? If you’re reading this, chances are you consider yourself a giver of sorts. You might even beat yourself up a little bit for thinking you don’t give enough. Then again, there are those who think they’re givers but really aren’t.

The point is we tend to focus on giving as “goodness”; of feeling good or intending good. But what kind of receiver are you? Do you take compliments bashfully? Do you say, “Aw, it was really nothing”? Do you tell them to stop teasing you, or that you weren’t fishing for a compliment?

One of the big reasons most people don’t reach their full potential, financially or otherwise, is that they are very, very poor receivers. ‘You’re not worthy’ because of the way you look, or what you do, or how much money you have, or don’t have.

You’re worthy because the Great Spirit, or Universe, or God, or whatever you want to call a higher power, has put you on the earth at this time. There’s nothing else to think about! Since you’re as worthy as the next person, you’re as deserving to receive as anyone else. Anything else that your mind says around that is made up, non-supportive crappola!

And then there’s that phrase that a lot of people heard when they were young, and we still hear it: “It’s better to give than to receive.” Of course it is, isn’t it?

I’m sorry, but let’s just call that what it is: bad math! If both have to be there for the other to exist, how on earth could one be better than the other? How is that possible? Somebody enlighten me please!

By the way, the original buysoma.net intention of that ‘better to give’ statement actually translates more correctly into ‘It’s better to be in a position to give than in a position where you need to receive’.

In other words it’s better to be rich! Some people will read that and get that little twinge of guilt—How can I so selfishly justify wanting to be rich? Fine, I understand, I was there too, so let’s try this from another angle.

How does it feel to give, especially when that person didn’t ask you for anything yet you knew they were in need? Most people say it feels great, yes? It’s especially the grateful receivers that make us feel even better about our giving, yes?

But if you’re not willing to receive, you’re ripping off those people from the other side of the equation who want to give. And we’re proving that both giving and receiving are great. Two birds with one stone. If you’re in a position to give, that’s wealth—whether it’s money, time or kindness.

So here’s your practice. No more returning compliments for a specific time! If someone gives you a compliment, you’re not allowed to give them a compliment at that time because it dishonors them (of course use your better judgment, but you get the point!).  Returning a compliment because you think you have to robs them of the full joy of giving you the compliment. And it robs you of receiving.

The key is to recognize that whether you’re “worthy” or not is a feeling, not a fact. It’s a story that you made up and now you own. Disown that! Receive with the same joy that you give.

 

Join the Discussion Below

32 thoughts on “Poor Receivers Don’t Get Rich”

  1. I fully agree with the post. It was ingrained into my mind by my culture in Crimea, Ukraine, that non-receiving behaviour is a sign of being humble – which was appreciated. Then, when I grew up, I observed that when I was sincerely giving and the person wasn't willing to receive, it hurt me, the giver! So, from then on I do my best to receive what is sincerely given. Erasing the “being humble” file in my brain, and installing the “ready to receive” file has been helpful.
    So, in many cases, the religious and ethnic circumstances program us to be poor receivers!

  2. Jeff Sokol says:

    Thanks Harv. Needed that.

  3. I am wondering…what about poor givers but great receivers? Is there such a thing?

  4. Katy Dee Jacks says:

    Thank you Harv:)

  5. Antconnal says:

    Well, personally I do feel better giving than receiving; but I do acknowledge that the feelings of giving and receiving should be felt at the same level:)

  6. Harv,

    I agree with you on this subject. We need to be able to take care of ourselves before we seek to help others. I do have to say that I have learned a lot by doing. Even though I've made mistakes I've gotten further then I've ever gotten before. It's amazing what you have done and that you always are sharing.

    Keep Rocking It!
    Jared Knowlton

  7. Tami says:

    I love receiving complements, and I think I accept them well, BUT I always pass on credit to another after I receive the complement. For example, I recently received a highly coveted compliment from a professional horse trainer on what an outstanding job I had done with my 2 yr. filly. I thanked her in front of the people in which she had praised me, and then, I passed on to her that I simply had applied the advice she had given me, and I thanked her for being supportive to me. How does this fit in with what you're talking about here Harv? Anybody have any input on this?

  8. Jennifer says:

    OMG…you have just described me! T your words are fitting and I am listening…thank you 🙂 Apparently i am a leader and admired by many…I am walking the Kokoda track in June and this is my photo with admirers.

  9. www.SuperBestSites.com says:

    I am worthy because I say I am worthy!

  10. T.Matt says:

    Not a truer word spoken.

  11. No2L says:

    GOT It! To make the Credit Continue ~ in other words ~ to Pass It On ~ I have to Receive it ~ First! …and I do understand hurting someones feelings when a Compliment is NOT Received ~ I've been on the Sending End of that one before ~ and it Did Hurt! OK … I will Remember This ~ when it comes around again! Thank You for This!

  12. m_('U')_m_
    Kilroy Was Here Networking…It's the LAST Day of the month…You have the POWER to make it the BEST Day…“Seek out the positives of life…Graveyards are already full of the negatives.” – K.J. Kilroy Was Here!

  13. Maria Haupt says:

    Harv – I love and appreciate your ability to bring matters which I know from my mind in a way, so they are touching my heart on and on and go deep. Thank you sooooooo much for all your teachings. MMI Berlin was great!

  14. Houstonbdg says:

    this is one of my favorite life stories. I was standing in a flower shop buying flowers for my apartment for the weekend, when the shop owner asked me if I could wait a minute as she had a regular customer coming in that she needed to finish the order for. Fine, now I wanted to see who this customer was… the shop was at Pico & Robertson in Los Angeles. It's an interesting part of town. The customer walks in at 3:30 promptly, wearing a still well pressed long sleeved collared shirt. A gold watch and nice shoes. You got that this was a regular look for him, well dressed casual. The Florida brought out this gorgeous arrangement of flowers I'd neverseen before. They did their business, he was impeccable about everything… and he left. I asked what kind of flowers those were, ad they were amazing. She told me and them said that that man orders the most beautiful flowersin Los Angeles for his wife a picks them up himself every Friday at 3:30 on his way home. The florist handpicks these flowers for her every Friday morning at market. This man doesn't't even give his wife the opportunity to be a poor receiver. Lol. It's for himself that he does this for her. That was a unique moment for me. I've goto many hang UPS I never know how I'm gonna receive something. It's good when you can create opportunities for people to just be

  15. Houstonbdg says:

    Lol.. blessed.

  16. Gleidcileia Rosa says:

    ola, mim chamo Gleidcileia sou brasileira e moro no centro-oeste do pais no estado de goias, acabei de ler o seu livre e fiquei simplismente maravilhada pois sempre acreditei que poderia chegar onde quisese, so nao sabia como e com o seu livro consegui um norte por onde começar, pois sempre soube que se alguem esta no lugar onde almejo eu tambem posso so depemde de mim, sou filha de pedreiro e de conzinheira mas sei que posso ir mais longe, este ano termino minha graduação, estou estudando algo para alavancar minha carreira, mim desculpe por ainda nao falar o ingles parabens voce e uma pessoa admiravel.
    meur-diferente@hotmail.com

  17. Edel Ramilo says:

    I feel good when I receive gifts, favors, and compliments from the heart.

    I love receiving and I am proud to receive more and more blessings each day.

  18. Montina Portis says:

    If there were such a thing as a “perfect post” than this would be it.

  19. Dotfrench says:

    Thank you for some wonderful insights to receiving a compliment

  20. antony says:

    Very good reminder from Harvs book and so true.

    A continued conversation between myself and Harv from another post. For all those ohttp:f you interested in the backround leading to this, check: //http://www.harveker.com/2011/04/split...

    Please not, while I am as big of a fan as all of you, I am just dissapointed in something he has done. Nothing more.

    Checking a website or a whois registration means nothing, it is still unverified and anyone can do it. Harv can easily hide behind another alias and given the fact that he uses these articles and blogs to reach out to people, one would have to be foolish to believe that he wouldn’t take an interest in what is being said and try to correct anything that is said against him.

    You miss the point completely and I now feel that being called Harv is not a compliment. It is an acronym for a stubborn, selfish and unethical individual and I am extremely confident that HARV is behind these responses, simply because of the way you continue to try and sell his material and use his phrases precisely.

    If Harv/You instead accepted my statement as honest feedback then we wouldn’t have had this long winded conversation. You are only digging a deeper hole.

    For one, to suggest that you cannot miss-sell something that is free is a poor defense. The fact that money is not involved is irrelevant.

    He miss-sold a concept. No free information was provided, no secret tips were given & it was not a warp speed to success tuition like he promised. Therefore, it was not what You/Harv advertised and offered. Instead it was an Advertisement.

    It is no different to going to the cinema/theatre with a free ticket and only seeing advertisements. If you have a different definition, by all means share it with us.

    Secondly, I really have to question your intelligence here;
    So you think that it was being in the room with Harv that changed your life? ..Not your conscious reflection upon your financial circumstances and reasoning with a persistent effort to adopt a new mentality with information provided? (which is equally provided in his book).

    If going to a single or a weekend seminar can “instantly” change someone’s life, then why do criminals re-offend? Why do drug abusers re-dose? Why do depressed people find it so difficult to pick themselves up? All of these problems would be solved in one seminar if it were that simple.

    Rehabilitating ones thinking takes a conscious & PERSISTANT effort & involves identifying the route of the problem, which You/Harv has achieved in his book.

    The bottom line is it is our efforts & mentality AFTERWARDS that will determine our financial success, not during the seminar. If it were, they would call him Jesus. We will only hear from those who maintained focus on the material and for every one, there will be hundreds and thousands that haven’t. End of.

    Furthermore, I do not understand how you seem to think that going to this seminar makes you millions over night? I am sure everyone understands that earning such sums of money occurs through accumulation.

    It is funny, because you try and make a personal attack on me when I stated that I work part time hours and have managed to earn in excess of £23,000 per week doing so, by stating that I do not have a millionaire mind and I have a low thermostat, yet you know nothing about my objectives or mindset. Who do you think you are?

    I think you are a weak example of a marketer for this very reason and seeing that 20k x 52 weeks equates to a million in sterling, I think you may have miscalculated the math somewhat.

    I am utterly disappointed in you. Never the less, I accept your flaws and still love your book. No one is perfect. Improve!

  21. Interesting psychology here and well worth considering

  22. QuangtrieuphU says:

    That 's right. If you don't dare to receive anything. Nothings will come to you. No opportunity reach you. http://www.xaxitret.vn

  23. Paul E. Hendricks says:

    Right on!!!

  24. Sarahpecinho says:

    To the assistant of the blog,
    Thank you for the sharing. In answering your Bad Math question: why is giving better than receiving?
    Answer: the person who gives doesn't need to remember; the receiver does. Might take whole life to remember, one ever received someone's kindness in the time of need, which possibly transformed one's life. Tough job, you see….

  25. What A SHAME it is that my mind can make up a story and ROB ME of the pleasure from something given to me!

    I recently have been sent by the company I work for on a trip to Singapore for a trade show. The hotel is MAGNIFICENT! However, thoughts have crossed my mind like “You don't deserve this. You haven't performed well enough to go here! Someone else should go in your place.” … Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    I commit to enjoying every pleasure this trip has to offer at 100%, and feed the rich spirit that resides within me!

  26. That is a great insight, I have never thought about it that way. I was always returning compliments immediately and receiving them poorly instead of with gratefulness and confidence.
    Btw that part where you said “there must be both in the equation” is really great.

  27. Charmel says:

    Thank you Harv for further explaining this idea… that it is about being in a position to give ,,, I always read your writings and enlightened each and every time.

  28. You nailed the topic as usual, very cool! It's so true and anyone can be a great giver AND receiver through daily practise. Personally I actually had to work quite a bit on this receiving part but I think most of us has to. It's way worth working on though 🙂

  29. Sandra Andary says:

    I haven't read all the responses so someone may have already mentioned the following, but one thing I've picked up along the way is….the biggest gift of giving is receiving…offering the giver an opportunity to fully experience the joy of giving without resistance. Thank you for the reminder above…great post!

  30. Great comment Harv … Whether or not you recognize that you are worthy or not is a feeling, NOT A FACT, … it is a story you made up … that is very powerful.

    Thanks for helping me out again.

  31. Great comment Harv … Whether or not you recognize that you are worthy or not is a feeling, NOT A FACT, … it is a story you made up … that is very powerful.

    Thanks for helping me out again.

  32. Marvin Germo says:

    Wow! This is something inspiring! The best givers in life are the best receivers. You can only give what you have. Being rich comes from knowing who you are and what you already have!

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