Why Being Best Friends With Yourself Is Crucial To Happiness and Success

I’ve spent the better portion of my life, over 40 years, in high-achievement mode. I’ve definitely been trained to prepare, think, be logical, fight, be the warrior and do whatever it takes.
Yet, the more I learn about the Wizard in me, the more I learn about being in the present moment, the better I do, and the less stress I have.
Being committed to success is one thing, but it isn’t your life. If it is your life, you’ve got a big problem because what if you’re not as successful as you’d like to be?
Let me tell you that after over 40 years and being successful for 30 of those years, I know the difference in the mistakes I made before when I was broke versus how I am now, which is a lot richer and a lot happier.
Yes, being committed is helpful. Doing whatever it takes is helpful, but equating it to your life esteem, self-worth or worthiness is not appropriate, and that’s what I was doing.
Life is life, and you need to be grateful for every moment that you have, whether you’re ultra-successful, moderately successful, a little successful or not very successful at all. You need to be grateful for the breath that you’re getting.
When you’re grateful and happy with where you are no matter what level of success you’re at, you will emit and express an energy of happiness. That’s a high energy, and people will want to be around you. You will attract people toward you. Remember, where do you get all of your money? You get it from other people.
Money is challenging to get when you’re a jerk. Money is challenging to get when you’re in fear. Money is challenging to get when you’re overly stressed and nobody wants to be around you.
Today I can smell it on people because I’m successful. I can smell the fear, the lack of confidence, and the lack of self-esteem. You’re either attracting people or you are repelling them. It’s one or the other.
Maybe you’re saying, “Harv, you’re talking to me. What should I do?”
Make Friends With Yourself.
Think about it. If you had a friend that treated you the way that you treat you, you would never be their friend. If you had a friend that kept on putting you down as your mind does; a friend that kept on hurrying you or a friend that kept on looking for what’s wrong with you, would you be their friend? NEVER.
You would think this person is a jerk, but it’s okay if you do it, right? No, it’s not okay.
The fact is most of us don’t know about friendship with ourselves, especially unconditional friendship with ourselves.
From here on in, put down the stick. Drop the whip. Whips don’t work. Sticks don’t work. Stop beating yourself up with what you think you should be like, could be like, what it would be nice to be like, or all these expectations that you have of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
People say to me all of the time, “Harv, how do I be successful?” I say, “If you want to be a success, then you need to be the success. You need to smell like a success.”
That doesn’t mean a lot of money right this minute necessarily. That doesn’t mean a perfect life right now necessarily. It means I’m okay, as I am, right here right now. I’m good. It’s all good. Life is good. I appreciate it. I’m grateful for it. I focus on the good in my life not the bad.
Whether it takes a little longer or a little shorter, sincerely being your best friend is going to start to empower you, and that empowerment is going to bring out an energy of success in you. When you have that…new ideas, new people, and new opportunities will come to you.
It’s time to start becoming your biggest cheerleader! What tools, sayings or strategies help you stay positive? Share your stories in the comments below, we want to hear from you!
T. Harv Eker’s Tough Love Mentoring
This blog comes from one of Harv’s LIVE 90-minute monthly coaching calls.
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Thank you! That was just what I needed.
Thank you for this awesome post! It really speaks to me.
This has been a tough ongoing lesson for the last years and I am still struggling with becoming my best friend, though I have already achieved some pieces of it and thought I love myself, but then again found out that I did not really, not enough. Thank you for your worthy words which will pull me forward again to where I want to be.
Feeling relief and a better sense of peace. Just ‘bring so present’ to this moment and feeling safe with it gives me a better mindset which encourages me to ‘do better and do greater’. There is no race- gratitude is powerful and awareness is essential. Blessings! ?
Beautifully put Harv and thanks for this reminder! As I am my worst critic, I’m consciously practicing it everyday to stay at a higher energetic frequency. Hard, but so freak’n worth it!
I am very grateful to you for that message. Love and respect for oneself, indeed, is very important. I experienced this in their relationship with their friends, when I criticized myself was displeased him, had a lot of complaints and criticism of others, then my family received me well. There was dissatisfaction with life. When I learned to say to yourself, “I love you” every day in the morning and every time she looked in the mirror when I learned to forgive himself, his attitude to people, money, events that changed my life. There was peace, tranquility, happiness, wealth, and happiness. My husband and I used the method of Harv distribution of money and do it for the third year – wonderful results !!!
Sincerely, Svetlana.
Harv, It is no coincidence that ‘strong’ messages, as this, come when they are needed most. The Spirit/Wizard guides us only if we listen.. Thanks for the ‘Friendship’ request, for myself. I have had sticks and whips out, beating myself up over a deteriorating relationship with my father. I started working for him 5 years ago, to continue his legacy and learn to manage his business. I have done very well, in my view, but alas can’t do anything right in his. The negative thrashing, silent treatment and embellished drama has stressed me out completely. The truth is, and you know it, it is his view. I am still ok, no matter who criticises. I still got to be my best friend! I will work on this..
Thanks,
Gary
Self love. I personally believe that it is the number one tool that you need to be successful. As a child I was physically, and verbally abused. I had to learn not only to love myself, but to be in love with myself. Once I learned to do that my life took off. Now that I’m transitioning out of my nursing career, loving myself is most important. There’s enough people critizing me cause they don’t get me. But it’s okay cause I love myself unconditionally.
I am doing what I can to be my own best pal. yet since I’ve had a rather traumatic life, I’m still trying to recover from all that. This does help though, thanks.
Books, success magazine, and following inspirational quotes from others.
Harv I began reading your book in the early 2000’s then my wife and I found ourselves at the learning annex, what we truly discovered its not necessarily the tools ie, Stock, RE programs, it is the Mind . I have 6 cd’s in my car that play non stop you are one of them:). And I tearfully say today if it is not HUGE its not worth my Frickin Time 🙂 or my Life!
many thank you’s you have changes our lives.
Kenny & Leighann
I find myself attracted to individuals that emit and express an energy. I find myself questioning them to find how they get this glow day after day as I want to. I found by staying positive and getting away from negative people made a huge difference in me. I find myself happier and healthier also.
likewise
It is just like in the Naruto cartoons when Naruto is confront to himself in the lake of the waterfall of truth. Just before he learn how to use his Kubi mode. Amazing Thank You T.Harv Eker
I couldnt agree more. I’ve spent most of my life beating myself up and it gets me no where. Just more beaten down. Harv, how long in your success journey have you adopted this philosophy?
Thankyou Harv.
Very great and enlighting information. I don’t necessarily beat myself up all the time but i now i see how bad it can be when i do. Can’t thankyou enough! Much blessings to you as you bless others.
Loving myself and being my own best friend is something I have focused on for the last two years. I have found it extremely empowering stress free. Forgiving myself and being at peace with who I am has given me a perspective on life that is almost heavenly.
Harv is right in this week’s lesson. We all have demons in ourselves (fear, judgement, laziness, excuses, etc) and these demons are very powerful. The idea is to get to know them. This is not easy to do, because we don’t want to see them, and the reason why we don’t want to see them is because they help us to stay in our comfort zone, they help us to not challenging ourselves, they help us no to change, we always give ourselves softeners in order not to change. But, if we are true to ourselves and we are able to get the courage and the will to confront them, with diligence, awareness, discipline and everyday hard work we will achieve to make them our friends, and then is when the power of these friends will help us to move towards what we want.
To our success.
I totally agree, Harv. Check out ‘Survive Life and Live It Up! for tips on how to become your best friend and improve your life.
Yoga, meditation, hiking/running/powerwalking outside, being on the beach, cleaning, cooking, not smoking, praying/being grateful for my food before I eat, taking pictures of the amazing miracles at work & sharing them on social media, sharing every small or big success with my partner, family & friends
Thank you Harv.
U are awesome & the message profound.
I’ve heard it before & now for the second time today.
Definitely time to take heed & live the message.
Thank you. ?
reading your uplifiting articles and making a list of positive affirmations helps me stay positive. Thanks!
Hi, Harv! I think so, too!
Must to do only one jump!
My biggest challenge has been overly critical and being a perfectionist that I am. Being not happy about the haircut, nails for goodness sake it’s tiring. To be a happy about the movie one nhas chosen instead of the other one.Yep I hear you loud and clear!
Thanks Harv & all the rest of the commentators for the great messages.
I have personally been guilty of not loving myself and others took notice, effectively I built an emotional & physical wall between myself and those I wanted closest to me. When I moved on & started loveing myself consistently, its been amazing to feel the charge in my step and the improved depth of relationships with people & overall engagement with life.
Cheers
Being happy and your own best friend is being successful, it just depends what you think success is. Success isn’t only about material things. It’s more holistic than that
This is an awesome piece of advice: Make friends with yourself. Because most of our self-talk is negative, we need to work on changing the way we think about ourselves. We need to project a positive self-image and shun images in our mind that do not empower us.
Thanks for sharing, T. Harv.
I see how change can start with me. I’m learning to balance give and take. Thanks for the great advice.
Excellent post T. Harv! Love the message of being happy and grateful right now in the present, no matter your circumstances. Gratitude and love are two extremely powerful emotions that like you said, attracts more of which to be grateful for when you practice it. We’ve been doing videos and blog posts on Rhonda Byrne’s book, “The Magic” which is her sharing these daily practices of gratitude over 28 days that is super transformational. Highly recommend. Really appreciate your wisdom as well as your personal stories to help us and others live ON purpose. The value you share is mind blowing! Thanks a ton! 🙂
Hi Harv
Thank you so much to remind us to this most important friendship ever. Since I not only accept myself the way I am but also show and allow myself to unconditionally love me – life is changing and I feel like coming back, coming home.
Thats was exactly what i need to learn today, thanks Harv. one more time, your help make me look and go foward!!!! thank you very much
Being my own best friend means treating myself well. It includes surrounding myself with beauty (music, landscape, home, art), treating my body well (rest, hydration, nutrition, exercise). It includes being a good parent. It requires I grow my spirit as well as my business (meditation, devotion). It means putting time for myself on my calendar and making those private dates a priority. It means continually making myself available to learn from those who know more than I do. It means spending time with people with whom I share mutual love and respect. Finally, it means doing Good in the world by sharing my gifts with others.
So true Harv- we are our biggest critic! One of the things that has helped me is that I give that ego voice a name and a ‘body’. I work from home and I had trouble with constant self nagging that I wasn’t working fast enough, hard enough, not successful enough blah blah blah, so I gave that voice a name. Marty. Marty was an short overweight balding guy that always wore an orange and brown cotton plaid shirt that stunk like nervous sweat and khaki pants. He would ‘stand’ over my left shoulder criticizing me while I worked at my desk. It sounds a little crazy, but making him disgusting looking really worked. So every time I hear ‘Marty’s’ voice, I tell him to go *(^&* off. After about 6 weeks, Marty went away. He shows up once in a while, but he knows what’s coming so it’s a pretty weak attempt at best. I’m more peaceful and productive while I work. Have fun with this everyone if it resonates with you!
It so easy to forget when your in a challenging personal situation, the challenge is to remember its not real and focus on what is really good for you, too you, around you, in you and move on!
I make gratitude lists daily, have an exercise routine, meditate daily, read personal development books (I’m almost always reading one), and just constantly reminding myself that everything is already okay.
I hate it when you’re right (she said laughing to herself)! I was thinking about how I pump people up but beat myself up…
You’re right, we have to learn to love yourself first because how can you love other people if you don’t love yourself first. Today I promise to love my self first. Thank you Harv for reminding that to us.
Very strong words! I enjoyed reading them and I also became attached to them. I am also a strong critic to myself and also pressure myself a lot. I understand your message and will incorporate it into my life by becoming myselfs friend! Thanks Harv!! Love these messages!
Very timely, Thanks.
Wow that has just allowed me to release a ton of bricks I have been carrying. Thanks Harv.
Thank you Harv.You are the best !
Super post this one! Thanx Harv!
To love one self is not just a key to success but to total and unconditional happiness. Doing things from the perspective of love gives us the right way to go and success does not mean an obsession, but a consequence of our acts while we’re happily living our lives!
Thanks a lot for all your stories!
Best wishes
Thank you for these wise teachings.
I meditate every day to put my negatives thoughts way out. So I Starded my day!
Thank you – this is the perfect learning for the moment. I was being too hard on myself and loved ones over their ways. Maybe I just need to let them be, and first start loving themselves. I realized that I was only making it harder for them, by expecting too much from them.
You have the most amazing energy.Love your articles and listening to you.Thanks
I’m literally SHOCKED with this lesson Harv. Wooooow!!! You have helped me open my eyes in an enormous way. But I really mean it!!!! Of course!!! So logical and so simple that I was completely skipping this. I’m a songwriter, and I usually beat myself up because of not reaching my job goals and I have come to realize that THAT is what is keeping me away from them! And because it’s a very very intimate connection with myself sometimes I don’t notice. Wow Harv. I’m so thankful I opened this FB post and I read this… Literally feel like today could be the greatest day of my life and if I’m consistently my friend I could live a GREAT LIFE!!!! Thank you 100000 times Harv. From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU! … Wishing some day could say this in person to you, for this one and the Many lessons you’ve shared with me an have empowered me. God bless your life.
Thank you Harv. Your words came at just the right time
Thank you for inspiring me with your great teaching msgs. That was what i needed!
Thank you very much for this beautiful message.My inside keeps me strong and focus. Whenever i feel lost , i listen to my nner voice ( my inner friend) that guides me through life. Let the world discover the beauty inside you.
My delicration I say everyday is “I am happy healthy wealthy beautiful and in love” if I believe it it will happen!
Excellent posts Harv and team!!
read a book, listen to classical music & Korean pop music
Thank’s Harv got straight into my heart!
Dear Teacher, u are so awesome, thank u
Harv…You remain a true source of awesomeness! Many, many thanks.